Trust. Whoever might be reading this, which I’m sure will only be a small group of people, is going to be led into my thoughts and my emotions regarding the very known subject, trust. Yesterday I realized that some of the people I chose out to be in my life, very carefully I might add, have lost their trust to me, and that my dear readers changed everything. I am the type of person that is built on trust, which means that the most important thing in any of my relationships, regardless of what type of relationship it is, is trust, which I believe is the carrier of every relationship, without that one factor where you have belief in a person and vice versa, there will be no relationship at all. Two of my so-called “friends” which I’ve spent almost every day with, told me that they have lost trust in me, well, not directly, but indirectly their thoughts where very clear. One of them accused me of telling, at this point it might be counted as a “secret”, to others, which to clear the air, I DID NOT DO! But for this person to just assume something, without even confronting me about it is the worst feeling of them all. The other one I haven’t had the greatest week with, but I’d still count as this person as a great friend at any time, but for whoever is wondering, that person still has a place in my heart, as well as the first one, because they mean something to me. If you want to be led into the story of what have happened between me and this unknown (for you) second person, let me give you an insight. It all started with me not being able to tell this person the truth, because I thought of what might happen in every single scenario, which made it that much harder to tell the truth. At last I ended up finally being able to tell everything, but because of miscommunication, over text I might add, this exchange of texts didn’t go as smoothly as I’d hoped it would. This person kept telling me how crappy I made them feel, and how our friendship wasn’t as transparent as they’d thought, but no matter how much I apologized and no matter how many times I told this person that I feel sorry, and understand their side fully, because I was the reason of everything. This exact person kept giving me crap, and that’s putting it mildly. This person tried indirectly of turning me against other people, which also is one of the factors to why I don’t trust this person as much, but I still trust them more than some of my other people in my life. The thing that hurt the most though, was the fact that this person kept accusing me of being the bad person and kept telling me how untrustworthy I was over and over. At last I gave this person a piece of my mind (in a gentle way) but never got a response back. From that moment on we stopped talking to each other instantly. At first, I didn’t think much of it, because this person is known to give the silent treatment, but I didn’t realize how much it hurts until it finally happened to me. To be fair I don’t blame this person, because it was my fault of not telling the truth instantly, which is why I also accepted the silent treatment, because I felt like it was their right, and they had every reason to be upset with me. But then… THE MOST AMAZING THING HAPPENED, I thought at least. This second person started talking to me, without me initiating anything, so I decided to text this person later on that day, to try and talk things out. Little did I know, that it only made things that much worse, for me, I don’t think it affected them as much. We started talking face to face for a change instead of exchanging messages, and they kept on telling me how bad they felt that they don’t feel like they could trust me anymore, but that they’ll be able to talk to me. I, as pathetic as I am in these serious situations, kept on apologizing, and tried to be understanding, without actually telling this person what I felt, because I only thought of the outcome of this situation. I never had the guts to tell the truth of how I felt, because I didn’t want a friendship to end, so I just took everything that they gave me. Which I was okay with at first, but when this person ended the conversation with “we’re good, but I don’t know if I can trust you anymore” that really did hit differently. Then suddenly I was the one who felt crappy all day, but to be fair I did deserve it, because I haven’t treated this person as they deserve, so I accepted every piece of me crappiness. I don’t want any of you to feel bad for me, cause why would you? I am the bad person, but for this person to backstab others, I then suddenly realized, that maybe this person isn’t as saint as I might have thought. I STILL FELT CRAPPY THOUGH…. The day went on, and I went to work, which went okay, because I worked with my favorite co-worker, so that so far, it was pretty good. Then I went home, and my dad suddenly goes “why are you working so many shifts”, though I’d only worked two times this week in total. But I knew what it was about, he AND my mom, because I know how these games work, wanted me to focus more on my school, which basically means that they don’t think I can balance the two, and even though I get good grades, they still don’t think I can balance those two, which basically means that they don’t trust me EITHER. To those of you wondering I’m seventeen, turning eighteen in about a month. That was the piece of my mind that I felt like sharing, maybe not the greatest story of them all, but it’s mine, and that’s worth something. Goodbye for now, my fellow readers.
- Anonymous messenger
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