Loved and Lost

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All That I Can Give

I've read books and scripts of people falling in love. I've seen it while watching movies in Premiers or just at home. I never believed it could ever truly happen to me. Especially after everything my wicked stepmother and father told me. Always feeling like I wasn’t worth being loved always sat. Never in front of me but was a weight that followed me. Starting as a waitress in the cafe down the road from the bar has allowed me to see Ryder whenever I like. I’m not fully sure if this is could actually be love because it’s only been a month but it is a sure deep connection with him. Ryder makes me feel special. The way he looks at me makes me feel like the only girl in the world.

“I’ve got work,” Ryder turned over and I held him tighter in my bed. “Bri,”

“I think you feel a little feverish,” I looked up at him as he smiled. “Now you don’t want to go in getting people sick.”

“I wish, but I can’t.” He sat up pulling me with him. I sat on my legs on his bed as he stood looking around his room from his work shirt. “If I want to get my vintage car I have to work for it.” I leaned over the other side of the bed and picked up his shirt returning to my position I put it out and he pinched his eyes at me.

“And you are the best bartender in this town. Frankie has me for the late shift anyway.” I perked up standing on my knees. “Come by, pick me up, and we’ll go to my place this time.”

“Jeremiah just about beat me last time.” He put his shirt on.

“I talked to him-he promised to leave it alone. I’m old enough to know how all of this works as well as how to do it safely. Besides...my body.”

“Your uncle is still scary.” I rolled my eyes then got off the bed gathering my clothes. “Fine, I’ll pick you up. But, it’s your turn for dinner.” He lightly pinched my nose and I swatted at his hand missing it. He quickly grabbed my hand kissing it. I pushed him away in his weirdness. “Hey, your roots, they’re blond.” I froze before running to his mirror on his door. “I thought you were a natural brunette?” I looked to see he was right, my more natural blond streaks peaked through. I had to get some kind of touch up to cover them. I remembered the drugstore down the road had some dye and I can get Mary from work to come over to my cabin and help me. She may be nineteen and have a toddler but she’s become a very good friend at the Cafe beside Frankie.

“Yeah, I just... don't like my hair,” I said.

“Well, I think I’d like you blond.” After wrapping his arm around neck we walked out of his room the morning sun shining through the windows in his home. His family lives pretty comfortably but the house was often empty. His mother currently off taking care of his grandmother in New York left his father that the restaurant all the time and his baby brother is on the school bus or at friend's houses when Ryder has worked. Mathew is oddly responsible for a ten-year-old.

I kissed Ryder goodbye as he got onto his bike before I got in my Jeep. I pulled out onto the street behind him before making my way to the drugstore picking up the dye then shooting Mary a text asking her to meet me before our shifts. She agreed and also said she be bringing Fallon. I got to the cabin and got everything ready. The tiny home was more spacious than it seemed until two adults and a toddler were in it. I made a space for Fallon to play and watch tv before they arrived.

Thanking her for over five minutes might have put her on edge but that didn’t change my gratitude. Mary was the coolest girl in town even close to my age even if she was closer to Ryder's age. Ryder just graduated and will turn eighteen in two months. I’ve only been seventeen for a little bit but no one knows I just turned seventeen. I’m an actress I’m always playing someone not my age.

“You would look awsome blond,” she said as she clipped the towel around my knock.

“I’m not meant to be blond. Besides too many jokes.” I picked at my nails.

“Please, I haven’t heard a blond joke since middle school. Redheads...now those people have it rough. I know, I’m the daughter of one. Also, they’re still getting bashed Hollywood. My mom is so sick of them playing the stereotypes or getting replaced.”

She wasn’t wrong and I can’t disagree with her. My friend from the set said the same thing. She hated taking the roles stereotyped because of her hair. She mainly took them for work but she never saw or had a charter that wasn’t the same things. The bully, the slut, or the crazy bitch. Blonds don't see the jokes any more or stereotyped in the dumb blond roles that much anymore.

“Look Bri!” I looked down at Fallon as she held up a messy drawing.

“Look at that, that’s amazing.” She crawled into my lap.

“You want it?”

“I would love it, honey, Thankyou.” after kissing my cheek she jumped down and returned to the clearing and looked at the kids show on the TV.

“That child loves you,” Mary said starting to put the dye on my roots. “She’s why with everyone but you.”

“Please, Mary, I love that child too.” I looked at her as she played reminded me of one of my favorite photos of my mother and me. Sitting on the tile floor I colored and my mother sat next to me smiling. My fathers at on the floor near a script in hand. I was no more than four. “Hey,” I stopped for a moment. Mary is my favorite person here besides Ryder. Frankie and Jeremiah are after them. Asking the heavy questions is never easy but Mary has been through a lot. Being a pregnant teen in a town like this one wasn’t easy. Of course, over time things change. “Do you think everything happens for a reason?”

“Woah, where did that come from?” She asked starting on a new section of my hair.

“I’ve just been thinking of things lately. So, what do you think?”

“Yes...” I listen to her pause only feeling more desperate to hear her answer. “I think that without having had a fight with my parents I wouldn’t have slept with Fallon's dad and I wouldn’t have her. I wouldn’t change that for the world. If I didn’t have so many issues with them I would have the best thing in my life. Was it hard a difficult yes, especially the talking behind my back but I got through it. Without you moving here I wouldn’t be as happy as I am and Ryder definitely would t be as happy as he is. I see that boy with you he’s different.”

“Really?”

“I’m only two years older than him, and I went to school with him. Yes, I’ve never seen him happier.” the smile on my lips stayed until I couldn’t hold it anymore from the cramping. It might have lightened but it never left my lips. Ryder is happy with me. Just as I’m happy with him.


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