Letter to myself

All Rights Reserved ©

Summary

Sensitive content

Genre:
Other
Author:
XIIVIIII
Status:
Complete
Chapters:
1
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
13+

....

Sensitive content

.

.

.

Trying to find the right words to start this letter. It's many years that I suffered so I can let this words come out finally. I'm saying sorry everyday to other people because I think that I'm hurting them. I think that I'm not enough. I think that if I don't prove something to them then they will let me go. I'm saying sorry because I'm scared if someone misunderstand my words and the meaning behind. I'm not a bad person. Not good person either but I feel bad hurting people. I'm scared to say something wrong. But it doesn't worth it. They don't deserve this apology. They don't even care. The only person I have to say sorry to is myself.

I can't hide that I've been through a lot. And they are not for sure that bad as the things that other people are going through.

After what I went through I felt humiliated, ashamed, stupid. I couldn't find the humanity to people anymore. I lost trust in them and myself. I couldn't focus to school and my grades were falling everyday. I didn't have friends I didn't have people to hang out with.

After all the thoughts that I built in my mind I started hurting myself in many ways that make me write this letter right now.

I hurtled myself. I destroyed my body. I was doing it every single day with no guilt. I couldn't find a way to stop. I had to hide it though and I kept doing it. I hided it from my parents I hided it from my family. My hands were full of scars after a while.

One day my parents asked me what happened because it seemed strange I looked happy but I lied to them. I've been lying to them everyday. For four years now. I didn't want to get better I didn't know the consequences all this will have to the aftermath.. I thought I was helping myself. But I was fading away everyday. Inside out. I didn't know that I will have to hide fore the rest of my life and feel guilt for the rest of my life. And the people started looking weird asking if I did this to myself. Well obviously nobody came and cut me million times in straight lines with same distance from each other.. They were staring at me. In my eyes touching my soul and then my hands again.

I couldn't stand up from bed to go to school. I thought I didn't deserve to live anymore like that was it. There's not purpose to keep going. I wanted to end my life. I was grateful about anything that I had. A house, a family, food or even water.. I didn't care. It seems terrifying now but then it felt so easy. When I passing through my hardest times I met a girl that helped me a lot and I will forever be grateful that I met her

When I started high school I felt so bad for my body. Especially when I was comparing myself to others. So I stopped eating. I wanted to vomit my food everytime I was eating because I felt guilt I wanted to lose weight and be skinny and happy or whatever.. I tried it many times. And I kept destroying myself like that. Inside out. I've been through many hard years in high school. I made friends though. Didn't tell them all this but I didn't want to get better. Last year I lost seven pounds and my teachers were concerned about it they were asking my parents if I'm okay and if everything is okay at home but my parents had no clue about what was going on.

A teacher stopped me one day and talked to me. Then I realized that something was wronv. I realized what I've done to my body. I couldn't focus to my friends to school or anything.

In the beginning I was angry at him about what he did to me and hurt me left me ashamed and cold. About all the rumors that came after. Why he started it all that and without him I would be still a little girl who just finished high school. But I'm not. I have felt things that made me different than others. I feel more than others do. And I can understand more.

I'm sorry that instead of living a happy life and be happy about it I wasted my opportunity. I'm sorry I hurted myself. I'm sorry I let myself think all this thoughts and made them reality after. I'm sorry I'm lying to my parents and my friends. But I never treated anyone the way I wanted to not be treated. I never spoke with bad words about people or anyone specific. Only to myself and now it needs to know that.

.

.

.

There won't be another chapter. That was just a letter I wanted to write for myself. The people who want to text are completely free to do that. And we can talk about anything. I'm not sure if I can help anyone else with this but I can try.

Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

Sarah Jones Swanson: You do such a great job of handling a very tough topic and bringing awareness to it. The trauma the lead character experiences could have literally killed her. Yet, love and the tender compassion of a man helps her overcome her nightmares and move forward. A very well- written and moving story

heartnsoul: At first, I was hesitant to read it. It's not my cup of tea reading descriptive abuse it just too much to bear. But this one peak my interest - well written and the plot itself was really on point. It still leaves the reader to think and try to put ideas on what is going on. It is well written an...

Air: I love how it can relate to lots of student. I dislike how it’s too short.will tell leople

Shreeya Sethi Grover: Really great book so far. Can’t wait to finish it

sweetheart: loved the story...the way they do not give up on each other..and the stroy seems real and natural..i like ava's character...it is independent and she always follow her heart..and husaband Ro ,he is good husband but represents the realistic husbands now-a-days..but he is really devoted and loved h...

Amy Johnson: The ending felt a little rushed, I wish it would have gone on a few more chapters.

Atimango Mercy: I liked the way they met and also I dedicate this book to those who love it and I disliked nothing about it

Deleted User: I absolutely love Monster In me!!!!! I recommend this one very much. Hope for a sequel!!!!

asaolupraise47: The book is wonderful and what I like about is that it is not predictable unlike most books.

More Recommendations

corinajay: Good book enjoying the plot

lapatrick74: The author did a fantastic job! I loved this story 💗💗💗💗💗💕💕💗

🏈🏈🎀: Amazing, amazing AMAZING def need a sequel I love them!

bellalouise28: The ending felt rushed, I liked the book just thougjt the ending was a bit rushed

Caro182: What beautiful story ☺️

Sarah Jones Swanson: I love all your books!!! You are probably my favorite author!

About Us

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered publisher, providing a platform to discover hidden talents and turn them into globally successful authors. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books our readers love most on our sister app, GALATEA and other formats.