I just feel empty and not sure where I am going in life though I'm trying to carry on nonetheless that's how my day to day has become.
My life is just an absolute mess right now. If I knew what my life would be made of I would certainly refuse all of it but it's not as if I had a choice really.
Today is a little special cause it will be the end of a chapter and I am hoping for a better one to start.
I've lived in the same place since I can remember. A small town where everyone knows basically everything about everyone and I am known to be the daughter of the late Elizabeth Bloom owner of the well loved Elizabeth's café of the town and I'm also known to be the left out.
It's been roughly 6 months, Five months three weeks and two days to be exact, since my mother passed away and that I've been left alone. What I means by alone is literally alone with no one, not a single close relatives or friends. Considering I never really had a father in the first place and no siblings. So believed me when I says that I have a sad messy life but I am trying my best to fight through whatever happens to me cause that is how my mum taught me. Always fight for the right things because there is always a spark of hope.
After graduating from the university not far from my hometown some weeks ago, I thought it was the right time for me to move on to a next stage of my life. Since then I started to take the steps to sell the café as well as the house that mum left me. I know it may seem pretty radical and even as a reckless decision but I have thought long and hard about all of this. My mum and I never really attached much importance to material stuffs however we put more values into memories we made and present things and people around us. That is why I believe that it is the best thing to do for me.
Which leads to now, my last day here. I am finally moving out and it's all for the best. I have nothing left that connects me to this town anymore. That's why starting anew somewhere else is what I need.
Taking a last look at the house that I grew up in, that is full of souvenirs, that used to be my happy place and my refuge from the outside world I turn to the happy looking couple that has just signed all the papers made them the official and legal owners of my childhood house. Saying my last goodbye more to my old home than to the couple standing in front of it I threw my baggages in the trunk of the taxi that is dropping me to the airport. I can't help but feel sad at this very moment. All that is left are the memories. The driver kindly close the car's trunk for me.
The drive to the airport took quite some times. When I am finally there I am quite lost the airport is so big. After some struggling I successfully check-in and hand over my luggage. I don't know how many time I have checked my ticket to make sure that I'm at the right gate to board. So far I've been lost at least three times but other than that everything is under control, so I think. Gosh, why am I so nervous even my hands are getting sweaty. Have I mentioned that I've never been in an aircraft before?
Luckily I have made it through the door of the airplane after some waiting. Up until now, the easiest task was to find my seat and thank God it is a window seat cause I am dying to see the sky from up above. I make my own self comfortable in the seat when I heard someone trying to get my attention.
''Excuse me, I think you are in my seat ?'' I turned my head to the voice and was surprised to see a face that I've seen before but where ?
''Huh..are you sure? What number you've got?''
''18A,'' simply replied the man next to me.
''Oh, turn out I am in the seat next to you then. Sorry.'' Oh gosh, I just want to facepalm me right now and here I thought I got at least my seat emplacement right. What a dummy I am. Plus it sucks I don't actually have the window seat.
''No problem, actually you can have the window seat if it makes you happy. I don't mind it."
"What ? No, no you can have your seat."
I was moving to the next seat when a fly attendant warn us to take our seats along with all the safety precautions via microphones and that's when the man decides to just smash his body to my actual place buckling his seatbelt in the process.
I was about to speak my thoughts when I saw the man's face turned pale. "Are you okay ? You seem pale."
"I would be okay after I take a pill and close my eyes a bit." "By the way can you fasten your seatbelt too," he said a little after, which sounded more of a command that a question. His voice was definitely anxious like if he was scared but yet he look like a pretty tough guy in appearance.
Seeing that I was not fast enough to put my seatbelt cause I was in my thought he swiftly grabbed the belt from both of my sides and fasten it so well that I was left nearly suffocating. He did not even excuse himself. He only turns his head away from me to face straight and squeeze his eyes shut as the plane starts moving and soon enough we are in the sky. I was so absorbed by the views outside the little window getting slowly but surely higher and higher that I quickly forgot about the little incident and the person next to me.
"May I offer you a refreshment ma'am ? Sir ?" A beautiful lady dress formally in her flight attendant uniform with her hair in a perfect bun asked us. Her smile was to die for.
"I would have just water please."
"Same as her."
"Sure, here is for you. And you. Enjoy"
Now that I give it more attention when she served me my water last, all along she was only paying attention to the person right beside me. Is she trying to flirt? With him? Eww...gross. I prefer not to get involved.
Curiosity gets the best of me, sipping on my plain drink I watch their little act as the lady tries to make a little conversation or a joke I'm not sure but to my surprise he is not having any of it. This man is tense that is for sure and maybe seem a little angry I'm not certain. Aha, that's it, he is mostly annoyed not so angry. I think to myself.
As for the hotesse, she seem to get the message that mister is not interested and carry on her task with a nervous giggle.
This man is without a doubt not feeling fine. He shallows his pill and water in one go.
"Are you feeling uneasy? Can I help maybe?" I kindly offer.
"Like I said before I need some rest and yes you can keep silent."
Okayy.. that was simply rude. I can see that he is not feeling well but to reply me like that, what a jerk. I hope that he would not be like that for the remaining of the flight.
I can't help but to keep staring outside the small window, all the clouds and the blue skies it's just, wow. Suddenly I feel something wet on my cheeks. I didn't even realise that I was crying. Big, hot drops of tears are spilling out of my eyes. The thoughts of my dear mother running into my head. The possibility that she is watching me from above comfort me and at the same time left me feeling sad that she is not actually present. I quickly dry off my tears with the fabric of my long sleeves. Grateful that nobody saw me in this state not even the person next to me, who is clearly sleeping with his mouth slightly open and arms cross.
"You can do this El." I quietly whisper to myself. Then as a distraction I decide to watch a movie till we land. I'm glad the flight only last a few hours. My legs were cramp twice and I had to walk the alley as if I'm going to the toilet each time. Getting off the big flying machine I am welcome to a different airport as big as the previous one.
I design a mini plan in my mind not to get lost again and first thing first lets go get my luggage. When I finally made my way out with my suitcases in one piece I decide to go with an uber to get me to my new place and because it's cheaper than those taxis. On the way to my new apartment complex downtown I get amazed by the view. Tall buildings mix with bits of green plus with the bright sun everything look wonderful. Excitement begins to creep it's way in me. I can't wait.
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