'what do you want me to say?'
'Anything Emiliana, anything.'
'how are you feeling?'
'I've been better?'
'please don't close yourself off again.' he told me.
'I'm not trying to close myself off!'
I'm so tired of this.
'why would I? I honestly have no reason to close myself off, I know that but I really can't help it at this point doc.'
'He told me to trust him.' I chuckled.
'it's not my fault? Funny.'
'one after the other, they got into my little bubble, they made so many promises, they- they seemed so genuine, fuck I should've known better.'
'please don't do this.'
'I shouldn't have listened to you. You told me to put myself out there, to make some friends, get to know people, what good did that do me?'
'Cause that's so fucking easy huh?' I asked clutching the necklace I haven't been able to take off in forever.
'i'm done putting myself out there just for people to step all over me time and time again, it sucks.'
'What are you saying?'
'exactly that. This world is cruel, the people in it even more so. And I am done trying to see the best in the worst circumstances. People come and go all the time.'
'i can't let you leave in this state.'
'you've let me leave in worse states. What's different about this one?'
'I just can't.'
'remember what you told me the first time you actually spoke to me?'
'no.' I lied.
'I really don't.'
'don't give up.'
'I didn't. They gave up on me, they always gave up on me, and I let them. My parents couldn't care less about me, I do not have any friends, and I'm just so tired of all this.'
'people see what they want to see. They believe what they want to believe. You cannot expect me to go around trying my best only to be hurt again. I don't want that, I just want to go somewhere far away, and I doubt anyone would care where.'
'Don't lie to me.'
'you are. I bet you'd be thrilled to never see me again.'
'I've grown accustomed to you storming through my office. I see you as more than just a patient. You're a human-'
'with a broken spirit. I have no one here and that sucks.'
'You have me.'
'You're just saying that. Please let me leave.'
'you can't or you won't?'
'what's the fucking point of me staying? I know no one will ever love me much less want me in their lives.'
'stop saying that.' he bit out.
'it's the truth.'
'it's not and you know it.'
I was quiet for a bit. He was right.
'whoever said that was a bad thing?'
'I'm broken, beyond repair, everyone around me hates me and I'm forgettable.'
'would you stop saying that about yourself damn it!'
'then why did he leave me!?' I said as my voice cracked.
'Why did they all leave me?! They all came into my life making all these promises, and I never once gave up on them, they gave up on me, they got tired of me, they left me, knowing all that sucks because I would've always been there for them. No matter what.'
'Emiliana.' he said with dejection in his tone.
'none of them stayed. Not. A. Single. One. And I hate it! I hate that I let them in. I hate that I let them break me. And I fucking hate myself for letting myself go through this shit. I deserved better.'
'don't leave.' he said his voice barely above a whisper.
'they came into my life with the perfect disguises, hell maybe even with some sort of plan, and the fact that they didn't care about me enough to stay with me... Knowing that hurts.'
'you can't let them win this. Please don't let them win this.'
'I have to leave.'
'I have to... Thank you for everything you've done for me, but I just can't stay here anymore.' I told him.
'If this is our last session, can I at least get a hug from my favorite patient?'
'I thought I wasn't just a patient.' I giggled while wiping away a stray tear.
'shut up.' he chuckled.
I couldn't think of a reason not to. I'd be far away from here soon enough.
I walked toward him with calculated steps and when I was within reaching distance, he pulled me into his chest.
I felt safe... Then I felt the searing pinch of a needle.
'I'm so so sorry for this.' he whispered to me.
Then the darkness consumed me.
And I welcomed it with open arms.