Chapter Eleven - I AM
The ever living Feminine and Masculine Principle pulsing with pure balance; God allowed into action through us.
I AM THAT I AM means the ever living Feminine and Masculine Principle pulsing with pure balance. I’d like to look at I AM to see how the feminine was left out in relaying that concept on through the generations and see where we might bring it back to its rightful place.
If we don’t impose the male gender onto any of these terms, the following message is quite acceptable. The Christ receives energy from God, the Holy Spirit receives energy from Christ, and we receive the God and Christ energy through being receptive to the Holy Spirit. All of these energies are interrelated and intimately connected with us as human beings bringing the pure life force, our divinity, to us and through us with the ever pulsing Feminine and Masculine Principles. We can see the pulsing I AM as the Christ coming from God and then through the Holy Spirit to our souls being fulfilled through our spiritual nature. We have a sense of a loving inner Mother.
I like to think of the Holy Spirit as an individualized rubber band that calls each person back to their true nature no matter how far they have strayed. If magnets pull and an electrical current pushes, most likely that makes the magnet Feminine Principle and the electrical Masculine Principle. So it is the individualized Holy Spirit, or the spirit of love within each of us, that calls for our response as receivers. This is where our feminine function is critical for spiritual growth.
The soul is the negative or feminine receptive polarity while spirit is the positive or masculine active polarity of God. The soul in both men and women functions within the feminine principle. While the I AM has been considered masculine, there is no life without the pulsing of soul and spirit. So let’s bring the feminine back to its rightful place. If we say that the I AM is the Christ in us, the offspring of the combined principles, then the I AM is the indwelling Christ, the true spiritual Self as God creates us. It is life itself manifesting in the present through such qualities as wisdom, love, peace, and joy within our being no matter what we are doing.
The Metaphysical Bible Dictionary gives inspired thoughts of Charles Fillmore, the founder of Unity. He says that in Exodus, Moses says that Jehovah told him that His name means: “I AM THAT I AM” which implies self-existence. The Hebrew “Jehovah” has been translated “Lord” which is an external ruler. Fillmore says it makes a great difference whether we think that I AM, self-existence, is within, or Lord, master, is without. We can see in the translation of just this one word how the internal was externalized, and how the balanced Feminine and Masculine Principles, that is life itself, became translated as an external ruler seen as male.
This is only one word and perhaps one influence that pulled our attentions outward. We are so conditioned to looking outside of ourselves for everything we think we need. We not only have to learn to look within for the I AM presence, or for the Christ presence at our basic nature, we have to relearn what our real needs are. The power of the I AM waits for us to recognize it and allow it to be quickened into expression. Note the required feminine process here. We must allow ourselves to be aware, realize, feel, acknowledge, and receive the energy without reversing it to be used defensively. To allow is to ask to be an open channel for holiness. When we live with I AM awareness, we no longer use human laws to serve as guides for the activity of our mind and body. We function on the balanced Feminine and Masculine Principles with the life force itself flowing freely through us as a creative force. Being what it is, it does no harm. All actions are virtuous. All actions bring miraculous results.
It is our defense system that we rise above to live as Higher Beings. We all have the innate ability to reverse our energy to use it defensively. In doing so we demagnetize ourselves to calling for and receiving universal energy as Love. Before we can talk, this allows us to cry, scream, or fuss in irritating ways that call for someone to come tend us. As children, we of necessity first reverse our energy flow to adapt into culture. While energy is reversed, we accumulate feelings as shame, guilt, fear, anger, and sadness. The problem comes in continuing to use child ways as we age physically.
Maturing spiritually is the process of correcting our childhood adaptations and the feelings that go with that so that we can be our genuine Selves. Most of us live with most of our energy reversed and do not even know that we are not being true to our Selves. One of the qualities of defense is that we do not realize what we do. That is why defenses always blame someone or something outside of ourselves for our being harmful, destructive, unhappy, unloved, or unfulfilled. At some level of our being we are saying, “If it weren’t for _____.” And no matter who or what we place on that line, it is another (a mother) that we blame.
Energy still reversed in our adult years is equal to the missing Mother in our consciousness. We may believe that to be defenseless is to be vulnerable to attack and helpless to respond. Nothing could be further from Truth. When we release defenses, we let our weakness disappear and gain spiritual strength. This shows that we are allowing free flow of our spiritual power which will bring us only what we truly want and need. And that is the reverse of what we are bringing into our lives when harmful, destructive, unhappy, unloved, or unfulfilled and blaming others.
Every sphere of our cultural life seems dominated by the desire for private gain, and every value, ideal, and public symbol has a profit-seeking sponsor. Everyone is trying to get from someone else. What kind of clothes we wear, vehicle we drive, home we live in, social technology tools we use, school we attend, TV shows we watch have become more important than how we live. Clutter we experience in our media-saturated culture can leave us so distracted that we give little attention to the core issues of our own lives, or the issues of our times.
And culture has an external solution for every discomfort. Do we really see the desperation of looking outside of ourselves for solutions that anyone would take any one of the drugs advertized on television given all the possible side effects? And we have one charity after another focused on raising money to do more and more research to find an external cure. And as our bodies age without maturing to bring in youthful radiance, the solution given is plastic surgery or some external means to try to make one conform to cultural images of external beauty.
Learning about our true nature, the power that lies within us, requires our willingness to allow ourselves to know Truth. This is a terrifying process, not because Truth is terrifying, but to see Truth is also to see how misguided we and our cultures are. It is to see how we create our own miseries, our own diseases, our own messes, our own tragic situations, and our own justifications for war. If we don’t achieve these as an individual, we certainly do as a collective. To see Truth is to see how we victimize ourselves and how we victimize others. It is to see that all the institutions we rely on are terribly misguided. It is to see that nearly everything in our lives is not what it purports to be. Nothing outside of us can serve effectively as a savior. It is only in facing the terror of this that we have an opportunity to choose to bring our own Higher Self onto Earth and extend a healthy and helpful energy into these outer conditions with any hope of correcting them through higher guidance.
The Christ is the higher Self in each of us that guides us ethically. We do not realize the freedom of this until we find our real Selves. Let me tell you about the difference between morals and ethics. Morals are rules imposed upon us from outside that rely on fear and guilt for compliance. Ethics are based on Principles, inner guided, and follow the rule of virtuous living.
My husband had had Alzheimer’s for ten years when I met the man who became my square dance partner. His wife had had a brain injury nearly that long before. Both were complete care residents in a nursing home at the time that we met. We gradually became friends, travel companions, and then dedicated partners. There was nothing moral about this. We were both still married – on paper. However, it was an ethical thing for two seniors to extend loving kindness to each other, and to share wisdom and resources to strengthen each other. We both became radiant, happy, and healthy. We truly understood the circumstances of the other. Our mates became like our children, and while the draining experiences of our mates continued, both of us served our marital partners with greater ease because of our shared love. Morals serve as general guides to maintain culture. Ethics allow us to consider our individual circumstances and make the wisest choice based on guidance from within. By continually unifying ourselves with the highest thoughts within, we express our divinity and bless all around us.
An ethical life, or a virtuous life, is one of self-responsibility. When we live a virtuous life, we know in advance how we will respond in given situations because we know our own intentions. This means we know how we will Be, not what we will do. We live by Principles that serve our own best interest while they serve the well-being of others. We trust ourselves to respond in certain ways. This overcomes the sense that we are floating down a river bumping into whatever rocks or obstructions may be in our way, getting beat up in the process. We take charge of our lives from inside rather than having our lives determined by others from outside.
Let’s look at trust. When we have our focus turned outward, we are asking at all times if we can trust another person, trust another institution, trust whatever another event or another day might bring before us. If the answer to this in some case is “Yes,” we will be ever watchful for that external person or thing to betray us. In truth, we only betray ourselves. And this is because we deny our own power and deny the truth about others and institutions to feel any sense of safety. When we have our focus turned inward, we are asking at all times to trust messages that come from higher guidance, or intuition, and we will be told the best response no matter what is before us. Only then can we feel safe as everything continually changes before us. I mastered counseling and teaching as I mastered trust. When I trusted myself to give my highest response no matter what could present itself to me, I felt safe to put myself out openly, honestly, and powerfully. And let’s look at this another way, when I allowed myself to be open, honest, and powerful, I trusted myself to give my highest responses no matter what could present itself to me and I felt safe.
Let’s look at being, the I AM in motion, God we allow into action through us. Culture teaches us what to do and to the extent that we are defended, we will be blind as to what we are being as we do whatever we are doing. And when defended, our being is always harmful to some extent. For example, our culture says that if you have a stomach ache when you eat certain foods, take a certain medication and continue to eat that food. And there are drug stores with shelves lined with “solutions” for abusive things we might do. There’s no message here to be wise and consider that your body is telling you that it does not want that food placed into it. What you are doing is ignoring pain as a message for you to change what you are being (unwise) and what you are doing (eating the food and taking the drug). And in adapting to cultural ways, we narrow our focus and do not see bigger pictures. Feminine process expands our thinking and Masculine process narrows our thinking. Continuing with the imbalanced masculine process which ignores receiving a body signal may well tell that body that it needs to send a stronger signal. At some point that may become a fatal illness.
The feminine relates to being and the masculine relates to doing. When we allow the inner and outer to complete themselves, what we do is infused with conscious being. We are ensouled. Only then do we gift ourselves as well as others through what we are being with everything we are doing. The I AM is our being that brings wisdom to us when we are willing to allow this natural maturing. Conscious being requires awareness. Conscious beingrequires a balance of the Feminine and Masculine Principles. Conscious being requires receiving through the holy channel of God, Christ, the Holy Spirit to activate our Higher Self. You may know this as intuition, which itself is considered a feminine receptive process. Conscious being aligns us with God and we surrender unwise doing (all defenses) to live helpfully to ourselves, humanity, and all on Earth.
Our defense system is willful. Once set in motion, it will continue until we consciously release it. It will do the same self-defeating behavior more and more, in more and more places, with more and more people, with more and more destructive results. We cannot “get rid of” anything in our defense system. With awareness of what we are doing, we can make a shift to being which includes the balance of feminine and masculine which allows for us to give creative responses.
At a practical level, once aware of how the adapted child has tried its best to take care of you, imagine yourself sitting with this child no matter how old you are now. Thank that child for taking care of you over the years. “Thank you for always being there to take care of me as best as you knew how. You had only child tools to use. I have grown up tools to use. I know that you care about (Nancy’s – use your name) well-being, so I will place you under my wing and you can watch as I take over.” This kind of response to the adapted nature does not threaten it and therefore will not activate the survival energy to increase its hold on you.
We are meant to outgrow our child ways shifting from using our defense system to using our I AM nature. That seems so obvious yet so few actually mature spiritually. Fighting against anything activates the defense system, not the immune system. Our defense system is part of our animal nature. It is set up to protect us from harm at the body level. If a lion were to charge us, it would activate full force to protect our physical body. Any fear thought we have also activates the system. The defense system cannot distinguish a lion outside of us from a lie we tell ourselves from inside of us. We tell ourselves all kinds of lies before we wake up. For example, “I am not good enough.” “Nobody loves me.” “I am not smart enough.” “I am too old.” “God is a punitive God.” “I’m guilty and deserve to be punished by Him.’” You get the idea. Note the use or misuse of I “am” here.
When a thought is our enemy, we may have all the activated energy prepared to fight a lion and that energy is not connected with any action. It sits in us as anxiety or stress until we burn out with some disease. Culture tells us to fight against cancer. Remember that fighting against anything activates the defense system, not the immune system. Fighting against cancer will exhaust our immune system and take us toward death. Accepting the cancer and moving to the Higher Self allows us to give our highest response into the situation while building our immune system which supports life and health.
To grow up spiritually, to grow our soul, we let our smaller self go, which is our defense system. We shift to our Higher Self: “Not my will, but thine, be done.” The I AM within us aligns our higher will with the Will of God. We stop concentrating on the external material world for happiness and fulfillment and let the feminine creative energies flow through our soul. We become Christs.
The Sanskrit verbal root shak means “to have potential” or “to be able.” This root becomes shakti, feminine in gender, a general term for a “power” or “ability.” Literally the female divine embodies the power of potentiality, the ability to create from the divine.
It is the feminine within that allows us to, gives us the ability to, perfect ourselves. The Christ in us is perfect and we have to allow ourselves to be that. We see the Christ in others when we allow ourselves. Salvation asks that we forgive, which switches our mind from defending to embracing the balance of inner and outer. And therein we give ourselves the freedom to have what we really want instead of seeking and settling for what we do not want. Anything that we have reversed is not real no matter how real it seems to us. The miracle is a sign that we have released a defense and allowedourselves to express the highest from within.
Our speech is automated and unconscious. One of the most difficult exercises I have ever done is to be aware of what I am saying I am. It is also totally revealing of whether I am functioning at the body or the spiritual level. We mostly proclaim ourselves to be a body or reveal our defense system within our speech. Look at the following: I am hot. I am cold. I am tired. I am afraid. I am mad. I am sick. I am sick and tired of. I am anxious. I am stressed. And the like.
The “I AM” in us receives the love that it gives and gives the love that it receives. There can be no deprivation that would lead us to blame another for any lack. And we never receive love using blame as our means. Spiritual qualities live in us and are their own message. We don’t need to speak them, our being speaks for us. Look at the following: peacefulness, gentleness, loving-kindness, compassion, understanding, radiant beauty, a proper sense of humor, integrity, honesty, humility, simplicity, and the like.
If we feel a need to speak these about ourselves in the sense of trying to convince others that we are living with these qualities, we are most likely not truly expressing them. When we express these qualities they call for a similar response from others. This, too, may not be spoken and may not even be seen or witnessed. Many times these qualities express into another who is defended. When we believe we are not lovable, we are not receptive to love extended to us. It is also true that to not support such a belief in another will help it break down so they can replace it with a higher thought. And, spiritual qualities extended plant seeds of possibility in others. Be who you really are and plant seeds. I am!