Draft for Chapter
I took my first swig of a cigarette with her. Kat’s hazel eyes were closely watching me. I choked on the smoke and coughed for a while, covering my mouth with my arm trying to camouflage my inexperience.
“Here.” Kat turned my chin towards her and took the cigarette out of my hand. She brought it to her mouth, huffed a little, and inched closer to me. As my mouth opened to let out another cough, Kat replaced my arm so she could enclose the smoke between our mouths. Her lips kissed mine for three seconds during the smoke passoff. She smiled and I continued coughing.
All I could think about was. She took my first kiss. If that counted.
I changed the subject.
“You know these are bad for you?” I stated.
“Yeah” Kat answered nonchalantly. She glued her eyes to mine. They drifted down to my lips, waiting for another word to escape my mouth.
Kat leaned in again, this time capturing her mouth on mine, never letting go.
There goes a confirmation.
I didn’t pull away at first. In a far away, magical, distant world, this moment would have melted my heart. I’m not denying it didn’t. But I pulled away then.
“Shit, I’m sorry.” Kat stood up, heading to the door.
“No. It was nice.” I stood up following her.
“Could you teach me?” I asked.
She looked confused. I honestly had no idea what I was asking. I think I just wanted to kiss her again.
We stared at each other for a while, standing in awkwardness.
I swallowed hard as I walked slowly towards her. Kat backed up until her back lay against the building’s wall.
“This won’t work out for us,” Kat told me, at an attempt to save our friendship.
“I’m not gay.” I said.
I stopped in front of her, my lips a few inches away from hers.
“Me either”. She said jokingly. Softly chuckling.
“I’m not”. I said convincingly, in a serious tone.
Kat stared at me, nodding in acceptance. Looking down.
I brought my hand up to cup her face, biting my lip. I wanted this to be a special first experience. But this would be kept a secret.
She lifted her head as her eyes found mine again. I leaned in, capturing her lips with mine. This kiss felt like it lasted a lifetime.
Sometimes I wish that moment had never ended. But that wasn’t my life. It was a distant, unacceptable, unmentionable fantasy.
I’m not going to tell you what happened the rest of that night. How we returned to our separate rooms. How I cried in bed, and fell asleep when my tears stopped flowing and my eyes finally closed. My heart was silent again.
Can you remember her kiss for me?
“Here.” Kat turned my chin towards her and took the cigarette out of my hand. She brought it to her mouth, huffed a little, and inched closer to me. As my mouth opened to let out another cough, Kat replaced my arm so she could enclose the smoke between our mouths. Her lips kissed mine for three seconds during the smoke passoff. She smiled and I continued coughing.
All I could think about was. She took my first kiss. If that counted.
I changed the subject.
“You know these are bad for you?” I stated.
“Yeah” Kat answered nonchalantly. She glued her eyes to mine. They drifted down to my lips, waiting for another word to escape my mouth.
Kat leaned in again, this time capturing her mouth on mine, never letting go.
There goes a confirmation.
I didn’t pull away at first. In a far away, magical, distant world, this moment would have melted my heart. I’m not denying it didn’t. But I pulled away then.
“Shit, I’m sorry.” Kat stood up, heading to the door.
“No. It was nice.” I stood up following her.
“Could you teach me?” I asked.
She looked confused. I honestly had no idea what I was asking. I think I just wanted to kiss her again.
We stared at each other for a while, standing in awkwardness.
I swallowed hard as I walked slowly towards her. Kat backed up until her back lay against the building’s wall.
“This won’t work out for us,” Kat told me, at an attempt to save our friendship.
“I’m not gay.” I said.
I stopped in front of her, my lips a few inches away from hers.
“Me either”. She said jokingly. Softly chuckling.
“I’m not”. I said convincingly, in a serious tone.
Kat stared at me, nodding in acceptance. Looking down.
I brought my hand up to cup her face, biting my lip. I wanted this to be a special first experience. But this would be kept a secret.
She lifted her head as her eyes found mine again. I leaned in, capturing her lips with mine. This kiss felt like it lasted a lifetime.
Sometimes I wish that moment had never ended. But that wasn’t my life. It was a distant, unacceptable, unmentionable fantasy.
I’m not going to tell you what happened the rest of that night. How we returned to our separate rooms. How I cried in bed, and fell asleep when my tears stopped flowing and my eyes finally closed. My heart was silent again.
Can you remember her kiss for me?
