The Diary of a High School Girl

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January 17, 2016

Hello again. So regards to the entry before this, well… Later that night I had two panic attacks within thirty minutes of each other. They both started with a terrifying choking sensation. I felt like a fish out of water. Gasping for air. Then the usual being terrified, hyperventilating, shaking, hurting chest, and tingling skin, I can’t even begin to explain the exhaustion that weighed my body after that. And then earlier today, I had to clean out my room to make it look like I wasn’t living in it so that tomorrow when the inspector comes, he won’t fine us for it. Well dad was going through my room and sighing frustrated sighs, and in my opinion, he was acting like it was such a gruelling task (even though it only took me a half an hour). For some reason my anxiety kicked in again. I felt like a cornered animal. So I snapped at him, “GET OUT!”, my body was tense, and I was trembling. He glared at me with fire in his eyes. I could see that he was about to blow a gasket so the “flight” reaction started to kick in. I guess I backed away a little and then all of the fire in his eyes disappeared and was replaced with disappointment, sadness, and hurt. He left my room shaking his head. I still feel extremely guilty… I cried and since I still had the fight or flight response surging through my veins and all of my fury at myself, it was all I could do not to fling things across my room…

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