The Diary of a High School Girl

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January 22, 2016

I swear, everyone hates each other at my friend table. Parker, Angelica, Ashlyn, and I are done with Morgan S. Ashlyn, Naomi, and Desire are done with Brooklyn. Me? I’m not sure what I think of Brooklyn right now. Morgan S is being rude and snotty to everyone she talks to. She made fun of Jessica (who has a form of autism), snapped and sassed at the basketball coach because she was mad that her dad wasn’t coaching, and overall she’s really rude. I’ve gotten closer to Ashlyn the past week since she noticed how anxious I’ve been lately. Yesterday at lunch I started to get panicky because I was in a fairly large crowd in the lunch line, and you know, people always make me freak out. Well she noticed it and asked if I was feeling okay. Of course right as she asks if I’m feeling okay I suddenly start to freak out. I became absolutely terrified, it felt like I was being suffocated and tears started to fill my eyes. All of the people at my table stopped talking and looked at me. I hurried into “my bathroom” and collapsed just as I started to hyperventilate. I did that for about a minute and then I just sat there and cried, my whole body a shaking, tingling mess. After a while Ashlyn came in and sat down on the other side of the bathroom to give me space yet still be there. I finally calmed down and then felt extremely embarrassed that I had just cried in front of another person. We talked for a while. She has anxiety too so it was nice to share the same feelings about it and not feel like I was only crazy and losing my mind. I went to my therapy session and Mary recommended Essential Oils so mom and I went to go buy some at Fresh and Natural. I didn’t get much sleep last night though, and I’m exhausted typing this during break time in math class. The lavender has helped my anxiety around people though. I put some on my wrists, neck, and feet this morning and I didn’t feel like running into the bathroom to hide during Honor’s Band practice today, and there wasn’t a voice screaming at the teachers in my head, “get away from me!” So improvement. Still terrified about tomorrow though…

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