January 28, 2016
January 28th, 2016
*9:30am* Yesterday was one of my better days. Well at least at school. I didn’t eat much because I’m not usually too hungry at school anymore. I don’t know why, it’s just the way things have been lately. But other than that, I wasn’t too freaked out and towards the end of the day I was in a fairly good mood. No friend dra- wait, no, there is friend drama. There always has to be friend drama otherwise I wouldn’t be in middle school.
*3:50pm* There was so much, I just… *sighs and massages temples* I’m so done with everything, I-UGGHH! I want to throw things around so badly, I just want to scream! WHY?! Why are we all still “friends”?! We all clearly hate each other so what are we trying to do here?! I don’t know! So much negativity and social stress happened today I just… There’s so much-too much to write down in here but I’ll give some of the topics. Let’s see.. There was the discussion of: panic attacks, depression, a lot of homework (both late and not late), friends hating each other, friends being backstabbers, people in general, confusion, stress, stress, AND MORE STRESS!! It’s so overwhelming and I want run away so badly, but I have no clue what to run from!! It’s a hot red, swirling storm of fire inside of me. I feel like Elsa when Anna tried to convince her that she could unfreeze the fjords.
I skipped lunch again today, despite the fact that I was so hungry because in Language Arts I could feel my anxiety building up. I was struggling not to snap at Mrs. Buckel when she asked me how I was doing and my heart raced and I tensed up, and I felt like I needed to run away every time someone walked by. So when the bell rang, I ran into the bathroom that nobody uses and freaked out. I didn’t want to go back out to lunch to face the group of horrendous teenage girls so I just sat in there for the rest of lunch hour. Now I’m exhausted and dreading the Trap Shooting meeting tonight. I don’t want to do trap shooting anymore but my parents won’t take “please no” for an answer… I really, really, really, really don’t want to do Trap Shooting…
*6:37pm* Just had a pretty large conversation with my parents. (Conversation as in heated, frustrated discussion) We talked about a lot of things...
You know what? I’m not even going to write it down lest I will get even more weary than I already am. That’s all I’m going to say tonight.