January 31, 2016
January 31, 2016
I can’t believe I did it. I really can’t. I rocked the boat. I was just so mad and tired of everything that I lost the will to care about what they thought of me if I said it. I was shaking with fury by the time I waited everyone to go through the lunch line so I could go through myself. So when I walked over to the table I was fuming. I “slammed” my tray down on the table and continued to stand. Everyone jumped and looked up at me. With a fairly loud, strong voice (one I never use anymore) I addressed the issue. “It’s pretty clear we all hate each other! So why are we still friends?! All of the trash talking, gossipping, insensitivity! It needs to stop! We’ve all done it! Including myself. I’m not proud of it, and I’m guessing the rest of you aren’t proud of it either. So let me start by saying: Brooklyn, I’m sorry. I’ve been jealous of you for the past two years. You have incredible looks, your voice made a lot of people cry at the concert, and.. You went through the same stomach issue that I did! But I always, for some reason, thought you got more help and attention than I did. So I’m sorry.” Brooklyn smiled at me and said “I forgive you!” We hugged for a second and then I sat down. Nothing else was said and that stupid will to care came back so I put my face in my hands muttering to myself “What did I just do?” I didn’t realize my shaky self was making the table shake until Ashlyn set her hand on my shoulder and asked me, “Do you need to go to the bathroom?” Embarrassed, I pushed myself off the table and the shaking surface ceased. We ate in silence, and my regret started to boil. I let my hair fall in front of my face and when we finished eating we awkwardly sat around the table. The bell finally rang and we headed to class. I didn’t focus at all the entire hour of math class and I was struggling to decide if I should go to Kat’s office. I ended up sticking it out. When I got to Literacy, I opened up my Chromebook to see that my friends had said something in the Google Docs. I braced myself for the letters of hate and hurt but instead I got “Morgan,
I am very happy you made that speech at lunch today. I think that everybody in our group needed to hear that. I am sorry because you really wanted me to say something but I couldn’t, I’m too much of a coward. ~ Parker”
“Ok I am silently dying of laughter right now! And I agree with Parker that this group needed that pep talk and we all knew no one was going to say anything if you hadn’t. ~Gelca”
The letters made a pretty large weight off of my shoulders and Friday night was the first night where I didn’t have trouble falling asleep. In fact, I was exhausted.
And then last night after we went to church I proposed to eat out! But only if the restaurant wasn’t too full and mom and dad could order for me if it was something that might be mispronounced. So we went to Azul Tequila, an authentic Mexican restaurant in Hudson (not downtown). The food was great and I was fairly relaxed. Now today I get to stay home all day!