February 1, 2016
February 1, 2016
(9:25am) Actually, no. I didn’t get to stay home all day. Dad forced me to go the range with him and Mitchel. There were other people there shooting with us and I couldn’t help but think things like, they’re going to shoot you and your family. Run! I knew it wasn’t true but I started to panic anyway so I stood there frozen, keeping my head down while being perceptive to their every move. Dad tried to get me to shoot a gun but I kept telling him no, but he kept trying to get me to shoot it so I did but I missed since I was shaking really bad. It’s not that I have a fear of guns, it’s the fact that there were other people around me and I felt like they were watching me to see if I could hit it in the middle or not. When I missed I wanted to melt into the trees and disappear. We did that for what felt like hours until mom needed to take Carson and his friend to the new Star Wars movie. I feel like today will be one of my better days *knocks on wood*. But then again the worst day of the week started out as a good day so we’ll see.
Today was actually the best day I’ve had since the end of Christmas break! Except now when I’m lying here in bed, restless and unable to sleep because I’m worrying about a pretty ridiculous thing. I’m paranoid that a murder sent by the devil is waiting in my room to kill me and drag me into hell. I’m so scared right now, and I shouldn’t be! I’ve tried many things so far since I know that if I do not get my sleep I will be a zombie the next day. Ugh! It’s so frustrating!! As embarrassed I am to admit it, I was on the verge of tears 20 minutes ago since the fear was so great. I had the lights on until I forced myself to turn them off. The littlest noises make me jump and I feel like someone’s watching me! It’s terrifying! I tried reading, meditating, listening to calming music, breathing in Essential Oils. Praying is next after I finish typing this. This seems to happen to me on occasion. Not frequently, but not rarely either, but it’s still the most annoying and frightening thing when it does. Especially when it happens at school