Why do people use me only when they need me?

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Chapter 02

I’m a person who mingles with everybody without a second thought.Why is everyone doing this to me then? I only let everybody come into my life and they take advantage of me....That’s the only fucking thing that I bloody do every time.... Do I look like some kind of fucking joke to all of you? You treat me like a fucking joke and I’ll leave you like it’s very funny alright? Don’t do this to me please !! It hurts so badly.... I am a person who ONLY express happiness and anger but still it fucking hurts so much...I am a person who is cold on the outside but trust me, I’m a very soft hearted person okay? You know what? I’m going to show you how I’ll be looking when I’m cold on the outside too....I should definitely change myself...I know how to say “NO” but damn it, I just can’t say “NO” to anyone....I’m trying my best but I’m just failing in saying no to all the people....I’ve to turn myself into a BEAST.....It’s time for me to be my real self who is 100% arrogant, adamant, got a lot of ego, prestige, stubborn, attitude and etc....Trust me, I’ve got a lot of “ATTITUDE” but I just prefer not to show it out because people will hate me more and more....Some people just PRETEND like they like me but that’s just fake love....I really don’t like fake stuff and fake people....Being fake just hurts....I’ve to tell myself that everyone’s not like me but my heart isn’t accepting this bitter fact!! Am I ever going to accept that everyone’s not like me? Wait actually NOBODY’S LIKE ME!!! I’ve to accept it.... ACCEPT IT....ACCEPT IT....ACCEPT IT....ACCEPT IT....MOTHER FUCKER ACCEPT THIS DAMN SHIT!!!! Why’s this happening to me only? I know everything happens for a reason but what is the god damn reason for this to happen? I really want to know the reason....Am I hurting everyone? And that’s why everyone is hurting me? I just don’t understand....No matter what happens, It’s time for me to face the world all by myself.....I really can’t handle anymore pain....All this shit rolls up into one massive pile of shit and strikes me at once with an enormous force....It’s a lot of pain to tolerate all of this pain....I can’t....I can’t....I can’t....I fucking can’t....Can anybody please help me to overcome all of this crap in my life? I’m trying to breathe but the more that I try....More that I suffocate I’m dying inside....Loving myself is what I been neglecting...The most difficult part is the patience.....While taking in all of these changes.....I don’t mean to be acting evasive....I’m pretending I don’t wanna face this....My heart was stolen and brutally crushed....If I need to walk this path alone....All on my own cause I need to grow....Fuck, I’m sick of this.....Feeling like a mother fucking hypocrite.....Made a lot of mistakes I gotta live with it....I'm finding a way to let it go and be indifferent....People I trust the most brought me to this situation..Please don't do this....Please!!!! I'm carrying so much weight on my shoulders....I've only one thing to ask from everyone who hurt mr in the past, who are still hurting me and everyone who will hurt me in the future....PLEASE STOP HURTING ME FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

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