Chapter 1
“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.”
- Anne Bradstreet I need you to know that what you’re about
to read is the documentation of a journey of self- discovery that I embarked on without any planning. In fact, I did not recognize that I was on that journey until I was deep into it. In fact, as I’m writing these words, I have an emotional overflow – I don’t know why, but I have tears in my eyes, realizing how profound that journey was and still is.
My tears are not of sadness but of awe from realizing the difference between the person I was and the person I’m now. I think they’re tears of relief, tears of how much pain I felt, and tears of reliving the waves of changes that impacted my life. I might also be feeling the huge weight of putting my feelings and deep emotions out there in the open for the public to read in this book. I’m happy now, don’t get me wrong. Ironically, in retrospect, I was convinced that I was also happy before that journey. What will interest, and I hope, help you, is reading about how my journey evolved. It is a real person’s account of rising above drastic changes. I’m a person who shares a very similar background, values, beliefs, dreams, and aspirations as the majority of human beings. It is my account of how I handled disruptions that rocked the cornerstones of a stable, average, and mostly happy life.
Anyone of you reading this book will relate to who I am. Most of you will see parallels and similarities between our lives. But none of you will have the same journey I’m having.
Note: I say “I’m having” because the journey did not end yet. I’m in a stage now that is past all the turmoil and pain. In a stage of peace! Well, more about that later, but just remember when I started writing this book, I was in the middle of my journey.
This is unique because you’ll get a first-hand account of the evolution of my self-realization journey, almost step-by-step. You will notice differences in the depth of my writing and the profoundness of my thoughts, analyzing my deep feelings and reasons behind my reactions.
How Would You Rise Above Disruption?
It might sound simple, basic, or cliché. It is all about knowing yourself and getting to know your real self! How would you know your real self? By trying to dig deeper and finding out which image of you are you trying to maintain, keep, or portray in front of yourself and the people around you.
Is it yours or someone else’s image you’re trying to reflect? Are you in complete synchronicity between what you see, what you feel, what you think, and what you do? Is your heart, body, mind, spirit, and soul aligned? Are they turned to the same wave? No one is fully synchronized all the time, but for you to rise above disruptions and hardships, a minimum level of synchronicity is required. Let me be clear and honest.
The only reason I found myself on this journey of self-discovery is the huge wake-up-call I got when my life turned upside down with no warnings. The five hardships that happened to me disrupted my world within weeks. This made me confused, hurt and baffled on a quest to find my peace of mind. When the world came down on me, I started asking myself many questions:
* Why is all of this happening to me at once?
* Why what I’m feeling is not synchronized with what I’m thinking (I feel so much pain, yet my mind believes that it is so unfair what’s happening to me, yet it’s happening)?
* Why are my feelings not matching my thoughts and my actions?
The conclusion was that a minimum level of synchrony is needed between what I’m feeling, seeing, thinking, and doing. The bigger the gap between them, the longer the journey to rise above disruption, and the more pain endured until inner peace is realized.
Finding my synchronization is one of the most significant outcomes of my journey. In reality, the act of writing this book helped me in articulating and surfing through my journey. It was my way to help get aligned with my inner and outer self. It was my way out of disruption.
Your way out of your traumas might be painting, singing, writing poetry, helping the homeless, teaching children, caring for the elderly, etc. It is yours and yours only! When a person goes through major life changes, aftershock, grief, and self-pity, they reach a moment of truth when they ask why so and so is happening to them. When I wanted to answer this question, I started to self-criticize and analyze by asking myself who I really am. I re-evaluated my values and belief system. I looked at the way I perceived myself and pondered upon how others perceived me. It may be a bit twisted, but your brain is really capable of much more complicated analysis. While analyzing, I reached the revelation of not being in synchronicity.
I realized that all this time, I was trying to be a role model for everyone around me: the best dad, the best son, the best husband, the best boss, etc. It’s a human need to be in pursuit of perfection, wanting to be the best at anything and everything. Similarly, I was pursuing this ideal image, which I perceived I had always wanted for myself. The reality is, it was only in “my head”. It was not real. I was far from being perfect, far from fitting my ideal self. I did not face myself directly to fix it.
I became an expert in finding convincing excuses for myself to justify why I fell short of reaching my ideal image. It was always someone or something else; the economy, business, or environment - you name it. I was like an ostrich. I wanted to look my best — which I wasn’t — and I stuck my head in the ground to avoid seeing the gaps between reality and my perception.
Once I reached this conclusion, I went back to question everything about my life: my values, belief system, parents, upbringing, relationships with friends and family, career, and marriage.
Being the pragmatic, logical, calculating, and politically correct self that I was, as far back as I can remember, I had to set aside my brain and give more room to my heart and emotions. In doing so, it was unavoidable to revisit old emotions, wounds, feelings, and experiences. I began discovering what made me happy, sad, or satisfied, and then I started writing this book.
Once I began to be at peace with myself, of my deficiencies, and accepted that I have flaws because I’m human, it all became simple.
I had to get grounded, and I realized that writing about all this was the best way to do that. I got the space I needed while writing. Then, I started reading what I was writing.
While reading my own words time after time, I realized that I was just another human being with flaws and that I was far from being perfect. I’m not giving you a guideline to follow. I’m only describing how I ended up dealing with my traumas. I believe it will serve as a reference to find your own way to get over your own hardships. This would afterward become your own way of rising above your disruptions. My life was disrupted five times in a span of two years. One disruption followed by the next, from my business shutting down and erosion of life savings, to the spiral sickness of my mother, to the loss of my house, to divorce and ending on being diagnosed with cancer.
Yes, I had to deal with these five traumas almost simultaneously. One of these traumas is tough enough to put a person down. Imagine having five! I did it, and so can you. My path might be different than yours, but in the end, you will survive. Trust in that.
