Then I wake up.
My eyelinds opened fast, sweat was all over me, my body felt heavy; I was up again. My alarm was buzzing repeadetly right beside me. I picked up my phone, and saw some text mesages from a few friends. I scrolled through our messages seeing what went down yesterday night; it was the normal episodes I had. I looked in front of me; my sister laying comfrotably as per usual with no care in the world. She always got what she wanted as long as she was the innocent daughter, there
was nothing she didn’t get; and father was a pawn of her games. Constantly I see my mother dragged so deep into the coffin, the nails beaten down; but I as her daughter her only ally couldn’t do anything to help her or us. Why is it that when the only thing you want will never happen? why do I always feel excluded in activites, or humilated by my family.
My only ally, my only family.... my mother. We cry in front of him, all we get is dead eyes, and a stone statue. The humor they speak, the humilation we get. When things dont go right my mother is to blame. She is my families scape goat, but for once can we be a family like those in public. Is that too much to ask? My episodes are happening more and more with the ongoing stress. Im always in that room never able to get out; I can never save my mother. If God were real why would he make me go through this? why would he make my mom go through it again as she did when she was a child. My religion is against what my eldest sister believes but still my father lets her do it. She goes at me accusing me of not spending enough time with our father. Why? why does this never end.