I'm Not Gay :: vminkook
TRIGGER WARNING!! minor mentions of cutting, starvation. depression, attempt of su!c!de, mentions of abuse, and homophobia. i will have a part where it says ‘warning starts’ and ‘warning ends’.
onto the book!
Everyone noticed Jimin’s anger.
They could almost feel it.
The knitted eyebrows, the fury behind his usual soft eyes, his clentched jaw, bared teet.
He was angry. Sick and tired.
Tired of being played with, sick of getting cheated on. Well... it isn’t really cheating. More like... being lead on. Either way he was sick and tired. So when he came to school, looking pissed as ever. Eventually everyone caught on.
Everyone except Kim Taehyung.
The certain blue haired male walked into the cafe to see an open seat by the pink haired elder. He raced up to steal the spot from his hyung who groaned in response.
“Maybe next time Joonie.” Taehyung said, almost taunting the elder to which he glared in return. The younger smiled bitterly before glancing down at the shorter male seated beside him. He had to take a double look to realized the elder wasn’t looking happy.
Maybe he should cheer him up?
“Hey Jiminie.” The younger smirked, kissing his cheek feebly. Jimin loved kisses, so maybe he would smile? The younger frowned a little when the pink haired male moved away a bit.
He looked up to meet Jungkook’s gaze. He looked pissed, giving the blue haired a certain look. Taehyung was confused with the tension that everyone was giving. He felt like the only bubbly person in his friend group right now was him. Taehyung sighed, pulling the elder closer to him, loving the soft feeling of having Jimin beside him.
Taehyung didn’t notice the clentched fists until Jimin spoke.
“Get the fuck away from me.”
Everyone snapped their heads towards the boy, wide eyes and parted mouths. They were clearly shocked, but still quiet. Too fucking quiet. Taehyung felt a shiver go down his spine, his mouth suddenly going dry.
He didn’t know why but he decided to tease the elder. Play with the elder’s limits.
“What’s wrong? You need kisses?” Half of him was kidding, the other half wanting to feel the soft plumpness of Jimin’s lips clashed against his. To hear the whimpers be swallowed down, feeling his breath on the younger’s.
To feel him-
“Taehyung!” A voice hissed. The boy looked up. Yoongi hyung. He looked mad at the blue haired male. Probably gonna say to take it somewhere else. But Taehyung was wrong. Oh, he was so wrong.
“I said,” The elder growled, removing Taehyung’s arm with a harsh grip. “Get. The fuck. away from me.” He let the younger go, more like pushed him, and Taehyung fell out of his seat with force. The blue haired male held his wrist as it ached a little.
His gaze was now a glare. He stood up, slightly slamming his hands on the table as he stared at the elder. “What’s your problem?” Taehyung said, louder than usual, catching the attention of students around them.
Jimin steadily stood up, to Taehyung’s horror. His head hung low and he let out a small laugh. His body heaved as more and more laughs poured from mouth. They were bitter and mean, blunt and full of mockery like it was meant to warn Taehyung.
“What’s my problem?” He asked, head still facing te ground. Taehyung instantly regretted his actions once the elder looked up at him. Cold, ice cold slits drilling into him.
The younger’s heart was pounding in his chest, afraid it would beat to hard that it would just stop. “WHAT’S MY PROBLEM?!” They locked eyes and Taehyung shivered. Taehyung visibly shivered. Jimin was scaring him so much. The pink haired boy stormed up to Taehyung and dug his finger in the elder’s chest.
Taehyung’s eyes widened as let out a muffled whimper. A genuine, fear filled whimper.
He knew the elder was mad- no, he was pissed.
“You are my problem Kim Taehyung,” Jimin spat, feeling himself shake with anger. He was so, so, SO, angry. “I’m sick and tired of you! You claim that you aren’t gay but EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING YOU DO, EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS GAY!”
Taehyung felt his head start spinning and he was figuring out if he should say it or not. The younger regained his posture and replied to the boy, knowing he was about to make a huge mistake.
“B-because I’m not.”
“WELL I AM! You keep messing with me! You’re playing with my damn feelings and you know that!” Jimin shouted, clearly done with the blue haired male’s bullshit.
Jungkook watched from the side, watching his two best friends fight. The boy knew the situation because they were the ones who told him everything, he even gave them both advice. He watched the pink haired male carefully, seeing the way he was acting. Acting on impulse.
“You know, I should’ve just ended it earlier.” Jungkook heard Jimin say. He knew where the older one of the two was going with this. Jungkook quickly stood up from his seat, rounding the table to meet the two.
“Jimin, think about this-”
“No Jungkook!” Taehyung took a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever Jimin was going to throw at him. Jungkook still tried to stop the boy from going any farther but this time, Taehyung interrupted him.
“Kooks,” The youngest one snapped his head towards his blue haired hyung. Watching the way he put on a weak smile. “It’s okay.” The raven haired boy didn’t know why Taehyung was so calm, so controlled. It was one of the things he admired about te elder.
Jungkook slowly nodded moving back to the table with wobbling lips.
He hated when those two fighted.
Jimin sighed, bringing Taehyung back to the real situation in process. The younger looked at Jimin with complete fear. The elder was horrifing when he was angry.
“First, you tell that you have feelings for me. I believe you, so we embrace it.” Jimin said, with a small smile. Then he got serious. That fury back in his usual soft eyes. “But the next day, I see you kissing some... girl against your locker like what we shared meant nothing.” He said, Taehyung hearing the pain in his voice.
Taehyung walked closer to the elder. Bad mistake, Bad, bad, bad mistake.
His face flew to the side before he could even feel the pain. Taehyung let out a small grunt in shock. He opened his mouth to speak but Jimin spoke again. “Shut up.”
“Jimin please, h-hear me out-”
“You apologized to me. Even though you knew you were going to do it again. And the next fucking day, you were doing the same thing!” Jimin said, a bitter tone, glaring at the younger with such hatred. Malice even.
Taehyung felt his hands shake at his sides when Jimin’s anger filled voice quiet. “After apologizing to me, again. You promised not to hurt me. So I trust you. I was so stupid to trust you...” Before Taehyung got the chance to say anything else, that firceness was back again, thought it was unsteady, wary.
“Because after that night you took something irreplaceable from me. You... YOU GO AND HAVE SEX WITH SOME SLUT IN OUR DORM, IN MY BED! HOW SHITTY IS THAT!?”
Taehyung felt his heart cracking from the pain showing on Jimin’s face, the elder taking huge breaths as his body began shaking.
The boy’s vision blurred from the tears falling down his face, seeing the way Taehyung’s lips parted in his hazy gaze. He couldn’t take it anymore, the tears were falling, and he could stop.
Couldn’t fucking stop-
“THAT... IS SO- s-so f-fucked up.” His voice cracked as he placed a hand around his mouth to muffle the sobs that raked from his lips. Jimin didn’t even bother to wipe the tears, it didn’t matter anymore.
Jungkook rushed over to the elder, only to be softly pushed away. The pink haired male apologized with a shaky breath, still bawling, hugging himself as he tried to feel some sort of comfort.
The ravenette hung his head low, not sparing Taehyung a glance.
The blue haired male reaches out for Jimin, to feel and comfort him. Make him feel loved, make him feel safe, to make up for his mistakes but once his hands got too close to the elder, Jimin quickly pulled away from him.
“Don’t you ever touch me.” Jimin shuddered, holding himself tighter as he squeezed his eyes shut. “You player.”
This is where I mention abuse and a homophobic comment, if uncomfortable, please move down to where it says “warning ends”.
It’s been 1 week, 4 days, 12 hours, 47 minutes, and 13 seconds, since Taehyuns seen, talked or even heard from Jimin. He called several times but he didn’t answer, he declined or it went straight to voicemail.
Taehyung knew what he did was wrong.
Although he didn’t know the full story. The blue haired male didn’t wanna do this. At all.
But his dad... didn’t like the relationship between Jimin and Taehyung. Because to him, being gay was wrong. He knew his son loved the pink haired male but like he said, being gay was wrong.
And when he found out that they had sex.
Taehyung was fucked.
His dad hit him, punched him, hurt him, all sorts of things. Hurt him physically and emotionally, mentally. It made the younger feel so much negativity, it hurt him even more when his dad told him to break it off. Find a way to break it.
Taehyung was horrified at the suggestion. Have sex with a girl in their dorm, in Jimin’s bed...
The boy said no but that only made things worse.
“I won’t do that! Do you know how much he means to me-” Taehyung was cut off when a slap came to his face, the blue haired male let out a whimper, holding his cheek in pain as hot, fresh, active tears rushed down his face. “What is wrong with you-”
“I SHOULD BE ASKING YOU!” His dad shouted, causing Taehyung’s whole body to shake rapidly. His dad was livid and it was scaring the shit out of the younger. “I don’t care that you had sex.” Taehyung snapped is head up once he heard the next the next words that fell out of the older man’s mouth.
“But with a man? Taehyung, you know better than this. You aren’t a faggot.”
The younger’s body filled with rage as the salty liquid continued to run down his face. “Shut up, just shut up!” He said, clentching and unclentching his fists. “You don’t get to tell me who I have sex with or not, you don’t tell me who I can love! YOU DON’T HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT TO CALL ME THAT!”
The blue haired male immediately shut his mouth after yelling. Eyes wided as he watched the older man’s expression become full on anger, more then before, his dad stormed up to him and Taehyung didn’t even see it when it happened but it did.
He was punched. Harshly at that.
The boy stumbled back and yelped out as his head hit the small table behind him. A hiss fell from his mouth as he slowly lifted himself from the ground, only to be forced up by his collar, his dad breathing heavily on his face with an angered expression.
He doesn’t remember what happened next but what he did remember?
He really regretted it.
All of it.
And he regretted it, every single day, every hour, every minute, every fucking second he went by, not being able to see, let alone touch, Jimin.
The love of his life.
He constantly asked were the pink haired male was. If anyone had seen him, asking the rest of their friend group where the elder was. And every time he asked if the other’s knew where he was, asked if they’d seen him, asked if they’d talk to him, asked if they’d even hear from him.
Most of the time, they wouldn’t tell him. Some other times they’d say that they haven’t.
And it always ends with-
“I’m sorry! Please, please, please, I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry...” He would always beg whilst crying, wishing that Jimin would come back, would come back to him.
The boy eventually stopped trying, knowing Jimin wouldn’t ever wanna talk to him. He stopped taking care of himself along the way.
He felt like his body was about to shut down.
Like everything was gonna end the moment he woke the next day, and the next day, and the day after that, the days after the ones before, and so on.
Sometimes he had wished it would end.
But the only thing keeping him sane?
Before anyone even knew, it was Saturday. A gloomy and rainy Saturday. It was spring break for the college students, their entire friend group fell out.
Namjoon and Hoseok stayed together, sharing awkward hello’s to the others, Yoongi completely stopped talking with them, no texts, kept everyone blocked except Jimin and Jungkook.
Seokjin still tried to stay in touch with all of them, checking in once in a while, sending daily texts, going to visit both Yoongi and Jimin, the blonde sending him away everyday and ignoring him fully. But never Jimin, the pink haired male always inviting him, trying his best to stay strong but always ended up breaking down.
Jungkook was the one who seemed to be taking it the hardest, besides Jimin and Taehyung.
Jungkook would always run away from the others when they came up to him, always make up excuses just to get away. He was frustrated and conflicted, not knowing who to help. Jimin or Taehyung.
So he just avoided the both of them.
Ignoring their texts, most from Taehyung, telling him he needed emotional support, needed a shoulder to cry on. But he couldn’t bring himself to go, so he would send Yoongi.
Every single time.
Yoongi was the only one he talk to. Even though Taehyung tried to, Namjoon tried to, Hoseok tried, Seokjin tried, Jimin tried, he ignored everyone except Yoongi.
So he asked the blonde to do it, and when the blonde didn’t, he called Seokjin.
Because he was the oldest and he wouldn’t say no.
And Taehyung always ended up ranting about hurting Jimin and driving Jungkook away.
It hurt Jungkook to ignore the elder like that, both of them. But he couldn’t do this.
Not when he’s in love with both.
This is where the attempt of suicide comes in, if uncomfortable, please move down to were it says “warning ends”.
It was a chilly autumn afternoon, they had all just finised their classes, finally on fall break. Thankfully, none of the seven had fallen behind in their classes, Taehyung finally bringing himself to be productive again.
Before he decided to end it.
Planned out everything, knowing Jimin would never wanna see him again.
Waited until the day finally came. He did everything he needed to do before he would be as peace. Away from the world. It was late at night, so no one would find his body until morning.
The elder wrote Jimin a letter, he wrote everyone a letter. Not one as special as Jimin’s but, he said his last goodbye.
And so, the boy walked, into the lake, submerging himself underwater. Closing his eyes one last time, getting a glimpse of the moon one last time, feeling the fall breeze on his body.
One last time, before sinking completely, he whispered the words he wished to say, for the first time.
“I love you, Jimin.”
So Taehyung went in the water, slowly sinking down into the cold and dark lake, the only light being the street lamp as it shined it’s bright lights. The affects soon came in, Taehyung feeling himself losing more and more air.
He began to black out, barely hearing a faint shout of his name. Funny... it sounded like Yoongi hyung. His vision was blocked with darkness, the last thing he saw was a shadow in the street light, looking down into the water. He could make out the strands of blonde under the beanie that was worn on the person’s head.
And it was te last thing he saw before he was consumed by darkness.
Hello! Long time no see, I really went mia this year and I kind of forgot about inkitt.
Part of te reason I forgot about inkitt was because I've been really really busy and it's just been stressful but I hung out with my friends this october so I got a bit of a relaxed and fun filled day.
The main reason is because I've been writing my main book and I just got to chapter 23! The book is called Eternal, and fanfic ship is namgi. I'm writing is on wattpad, then posting it on ao3!
It had not been published yet, although I am thinking of publishing it either today or sometime this week! Now I should write the second part to this oneshot! It was getting too long so I cut it in half :)
Thank you so much for reading and I hope you like it!
Are you enjoying my ongoing story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, kixssen (request closed.)Write a Review