Hands OFF!

All Rights Reserved ©

Summary

I never thought I'd have to live the rest of my life without my right hand. But that was before it happened. To what lengths would you go to save your breakfast? Well, to one person, that would be worth a hand and very nearly a foot.

Genre:
Other / Humor
Author:
TheClandestineGerbil
Status:
Complete
Chapters:
1
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
13+

Hands OFF!

I never thought I’d have to live the rest of my life without my right hand. But that was before it happened. I woke up this morning thinking it’d be just another day in paradise. I drank my fruit-vegetable shake while contemplating the mysteries of the universe, but suddenly my dreamlike reverie was shattered by the burst of blue light emanating from my microwave.

Hmmm, I thought, why is that bizarre ultramarine-coloured stream of photons exiting my kitchen appliance? Surely the aliens don’t want my toast. They never have. The thing was, the aliens did want my toast.

“Greetings, Earthling,” one said as it crawled out of the microwave. “Hand over the toast or we toast your hand.”

Sarcastic aliens are the worst, I thought. Little did I know that sarcastic aliens were the least of my problems. That didn’t occur to me at that moment because I was being surrounded by sarcastic aliens demanding my toast and looking hungrily at my hand. Despite their attempts to disguise it, most were salivating enthusiastically. My hand was beginning to burn a little.

“Hand over the toast,” they insisted insistently. Reflexively, I clutched the piece of perfectly golden brown whole wheat bread covered in delectable grape jelly the perfect ratio of smooth-to-crunchy peanut butter closer to my chest, not caring that it would stain. My toast had to be saved.

“No,” I replied with vigor and the belief in the fact that I would save my toast.

One of the aliens, the fifth from the left, glanced towards the bluest of them all and eagerly asked, “Can we do it yet? Can we? Caaaaan weeeeeeeeeeeeeee?”

“We will tell you again,” said Mr. I-am-so-very-blue, ignoring his subordinate that had just spoken. “Hand over the toast and we will not toast your hand.”

I frowned, not liking their ultimatum. On the one hand (no pun intended), I was fond of the idea of having–and keeping–all ten digits, but on the other, I was very partial to my toast. Making a split second decision, I ran out of my kitchen. Before long, the pounding of extraterrestrial boots could be heard throughout the house. But, Alleluiapraisethechoirofangelsonhigh, I had a plan.

Even if the aliens found the blueprint of the house that was sitting on the table by the television in the living room, they would not know that I had a secret laboratory under the basement. When I reached said place, I shouted, “Release the Rhino!” at the top of my lungs. The doors parted and I was safe.

It was only later that I realised my right hand had been severed and was now sitting on the other side of the steel portal I had come through. Oh well, at least I have my toast and left hand, I told myself. And I’m not human. Thank God for those starfish genes grafted into my already multi-species deoxyribonucleic acid.

After five minutes of patient waiting, I realised it had not been starfish genes but actually star-nosed mole genes the mad scientists had used. By then, though, I was already half dead from blood loss so there was nothing else I could do but eat my toast.


THE END

Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

laura jones: Because it's an overall great and exciting book to read I hope you write more similar to this because it's great xx

Cortney: Amazing story made me laugh and cry a few spelling issues but if u can see past that it's definitely with the time to read its such a beautiful story

Sithulisiwe Valerie Mazikana : I liked everything about this book 📚 to the point where I finished it in 2days.This book was AMAZING and everyone should read it coz it's too Awesome for it not to be read

NATITOS: Great read especially if you want something new or fun. Supernatural filled story. Fun read😍😁

Renaissance: It's beyond words to write... awesome awesome awesome....I Love It.

Volley Doll: Perfect, amazing. I loved the story and the relationship. Also, I couldn't ask for a better ending. Can't wait for the sequel!!!

Uju Edekobi: I fell in love with the plot, the characters and I’m happy I found the book.

abi;-;: I didn't dislike anything I would recommend this book to everyone and I chose this rating because the writing style and descriptions are amazing and it's a lovely book❤️

Annalisa Diaz: 👍👍👍👍👍❤❤❤❤❤

More Recommendations

Mikal Teklehaimanot: I really love this book, nice job

Jade Plante: I wish there was more detail more love. It seems to be going a bit slow but i love it.

cuteface: I like everything about it so far have not seen ntn in it that i dislike yet

Shaneil Johnson: Love it!! I'm ready to read more books!!

Seleana: I like everything. I did not dislike anything. I give it a five star rating. The only thing that needs fixing is some grammar errors

NomiMino: ❤❤❤❤😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

About Us

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.