I’m in a whirlpool of intergalactic images. My device detects some strange signals long ago and I’m in a quest of finding it’s source. I don’t remember when I started, but it’s been a while.
Her voice abrupt my deep state of exhaustion.
“Yeah, coming, just give me two minutes”
Today I am going for a date, it’s been a while.
She is some peculiar girl. She is quite introvert, bookworm, hates people, That’s it, she is the one.
At lunch, I pulled myself and asked for a date and she accepted it. I didn’t know it was that easy.
“How’s things going on? ” I asked her.
“Yeah, nothing much. I’m just getting bored of these stuff”
“Woah, you mean you started hating the job” I asked her.
“Well, no, it’s not about the job. These things which we’re working in labs. I don’t know what’s the point here”
“It indeed has a purpose, it’s just you’re stressing too much”
“Yeah, may be” She is bit off I can guess from her voice.
“Okay, let’s leave work aside, how about the new Thai restaurant?”
“Hmm, may be we can bought some food from takeaway restaurant and have it at somewhere private, may be at your room, if it is okay for you”
“Yeah, sure, no problem”
She waited at my car. I walked and bought some food at stall nearby lab and returned.
“Do you drink?”
“Not so often, but today I would like to drink”
“Not a problem, I’d case of beer at my trunk. I was supposed to deliver to my friend who is arranging a party”
She didn’t responded.
“It’s kind of bachelor men only party, that’s why you’re not invited”
“Yeah it’s okay”
We drove past woods and the night was so bright because of the full moon.
And for a moment, my eyes moved to the moon.
She noticed me and she also watched the moon.
“Shall we stop here? She asked.
I parked aside and the place was so plane and we can see the star bed all over the sky.
“Let’s spend time here”
“Good idea, nothing can beat view of star gazed night”
She sat down at grassfield.
I went to arrange the dining set up.
And we started. Nothing filled the conversation during dinner, as food was so hot and we both were so hungry, so we went on to finish the dinner first, I didn’t bother to say something, neither she.
She also drank couple of beers and later she lied down.
“Wish we could fly and wander in Space?”
“Hmm, tell me about it” I also join her.
“Why we humans have limitations? ”
I didn’t respond.
“Why would we age and die? ”
I looked at her and she turn her head towards me
“Seems you’re reading philosophy a lot these days”
“It’s not necessary to read those stuff. It’s quite normal to experience such states without knowing what it is. What if I know what was I’m going through, it doesn’t change the way I experience.
“Yeah, I agree with you, philosophy is a disoriented subject which is very incomplete.”
“Every subject is looming with incompleteness and fragmentation. We will never know it fully and it’s what my question is why we’ve limitations in the realm of infinity?
“I think you’re having existential crisis”
She laughed at my wit ” To be precise, midlife crisis”
“Come on, you’re just 24”
“Yeah, I might die at 48, so currently I’m at my midlife period.
“How do you say that you gonna die at 48? Did you made any pre-requisite work to die at 48?”
“Well I don’t know, live fast die young, so 48 is good number in many ways, it has the most factors within the number 10.
We both laughed and later she kissed me.
The kiss continues for a while and later it elevated to the next level, we undress each other and empty ourselves from all the materialistic stuff. Beneath us was earth and above us the vast arena of star filled sky.
I was dominating her, but didn’t get a breakthrough and later she pulled over a went top of me.
Her body mass with periodic motion pushes me to the deep of grass bed and wet the skin with the mud, a perfect catalyst for ecstasy.
Adding to it, my eyes celebrated with the view of her elegant body shape as silhouette and the vibrant display of stars at the above and at the time, she made it through and we reached the peak.
Amidst the draining energy, we both tried to sustain the peak and met failure.
To mark the epilogue and she gave me a kiss and lied her body near to me.
And we breathed heavily like a duet.
We both gazing at the sky, hoping to see some magic movement of stars or a supernova explosion may be.
It remains as it is.
“I think you’re right, everything is incomplete”
“Haha, I’m sure you’re citing it from the sex we just had.”
Speaking of infinity, if everything is infinite, we cannot able to experience anything and we just cannot survive.”
“How do you infer it?”
“All we need is finite stuff of infinity, but we failed to realize infinity itself is infinity.
Coming back to your question on why can’t we fly, here we’re only looking for the question of flying alone, not looking other perspectives”
“If everything goes infinite, which means everything from the birth of universe goes infinite, we would never be here at the first place.
“So you’re inferring that in order to exist we would need finiteness.”
“In a sense yes”
“Umm, okay, then why do we exist? What is the purpose?”
“You told that you’re having midlife crisis and you might die at 48 as that is the number that had the most factors within the 10”
“Yes, that is the kind of purpose you’re believing to live till 48. So everyone had a some purpose connected to their existence. Some of them may find it as convincing, some people may not able to get the gist of it and that’s what people called as existential crisis, midlife crisis, bla, bla, bla. Even the people with a purpose, at a point in life may question their existence. When did you choose this number 48?”
“Um, I just came through a chinese store called si shi ba and inside the store, there are 48 written everywhere and I asked the lady, she told that the number is an auspicious number determined to prosper or something, so I just had a mind calculation went in head, how chinese could they possibly arrive this number and I found the number is very engaging number can be divided by most factors within 10"
“Hmm, so you just decided to take 48 as age you would like to end your life”
" As you said, everyone had a purpose and I still felt mine is better than others, study well, get a job, get married, buy cars, house and the all the luring materialistic stuff, raise children, watch TV and the cycle repeats, do you think this purpose is more convincing, I didn’t want to live for the same purpose. I still don’t know why I exist, so I just set a target to die at 48 backed by abstract reasoning until then I just wander through my life"
And we didn’t talked for a while, both still gazing at stars, it is getting at cold, she cuddled me to induce warmth.
After some period, she asked me “why are you not talking anything?”
I extended my silence and she stared at me, after a while she turn back to sky which is more engaging for her.
It continued for a while and I got up and she is still there naked, seeing me getting dressed.
And I hold her and say “Happy Birthday”
She was in tears and she cuddled and kissed, it didn’t went passionate as I resisted her.
“You know what I’m still not convinced that you’ve chosen 48 as the number you wish to die, if the reason is because of the factors you find it more fascinating, please be informed that 24 is the least number you will get most factors out of 10.
Which means you can actually die yesterday. I’m glad that I saved you today. But I’m not sure if I can help you next time.
And I will leave it up to you decide if you’re going to hold the fallacy or try to find a new purpose with more meaningful or continues to pursue the esoteric philosophical quest.
I drove the car and didn’t turn back, but I can imagine she might be there standing naked at least for some time.
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