I came back with my mind confused ...
I went away and confused ...
my mother always hated me to visit him..
because I come back like this every time..
I put my head on her lap ..
this is what you wanted..
My private shelter ..
I was not like normal girls..
I was so mature that I did not care about anything material..
Even I never fear death..
Nothing concerned me..
I don't like anything..
I don't get attached to anything..
I used to spend hours and hours in my room alone..
Write And I write, write and write..
this is what I adore..
with my own world..
I was writing thoughts..
witting letters to myself..
so I was expressing what was inside me..
could not express but by writing..
I did not find myself in that place..
the kinship community...
It is only the gossip community..
the gossip community..
that is not me..
and I will not be like that..
Yas I am a weak personality girl..
could not respond to whoever hurts me..
I had no social media ...
I was always building my own world ..
Let us return to the world of relatives ..
Always when you are far from someone ..
There is a strange energy around him that attracts you ..
As for when you approach him ..
you see the extent of triviality, blame and hatred .. even among the brothers ...
my uncle was stealing electricity from us ...
and my elder uncle always shouted at us for you We do not raise our voice, especially at night..
My aunt always tries to dictate to us what she wants..
and the other looks at us with the edge of her eye as if we do not like her..
My grandfathers want us to return to our father ...
What do you want from us, by God be upon you..
Is not enough for us the injustice of our lives and our suffering ...
Isn't it enough for us that we live through the absence of someone who supports us and strengthens us ..
That is why I hated relatives and hated people ..
Let me tell you about my sister, who is a little older than me ..
You can say that she was more than psychologically hurt by everything that happened ..
She was the only one who was frustrated by my father with his words.
He treated her poorly, or perhaps he did not love her ..
I don’t know why ..
He always said to her ..
“You are not beautiful.”
“You do not benefit from anything.”
“You end up in sewing.”
You .. and you and you ..
and she took the largest share of The beating..
on one time she made a mistake and put the phone cord in another place ..
the phone burned ..
and what a misfortune that occurred to her ..
he grabbed the wire and seemed to hit her with it ..
while I held his hand and begged him to cry to stop..
She is your daughter, you unjust patient ..
Doesn't your heart tremble to see her like this crying and agonizing ...
and one time we were playing in the garden of the house, which is a shared garden with the neighbors ...
we played with their cat ..
it was bright white ..
we were happy playing with them .
Except that his shouting in our name shook us with all the meaning of the word ..
We ran quickly and turned around the house so that he did not see us playing from the neighbors ..
and when we entered the house, he would catch up with us in an anger that I cannot explain yet ..
He took his belt and started beating us with it ..
That day, we ran and entered my older sister’s room and closed the door ..
I saw what caused me pain ..
My chest was bleeding a little from the iron blow in his belt ..
I really laugh to think about the reason for all this ..
The important thing now ..
my older sister was suffering from an inferiority complex. ...
I see her ...
because I was more than I lived with her pain ..
I used to support her and stand against those who hurt her ..
that I was the earliest ...
I do not know how I was gathering strength from all that ...