Chapter 1
Of all the people my heart could’ve chosen, it decided on a girl who didn’t have enough room in her heart to love someone like me. A girl who’s a mess of gorgeous chaos and you can see it in her eyes. Who shines like the radiant sun during the day and the sophisticated moon during the night. A girl who makes you want to work towards something. And to fight for her, to take her on dates and cuddle her to sleep every night. A girl whose lips are soft and perfect and has a flavor of love when she leans in to kiss you at night. That’s the kind of girl my heart chose. But sadly, it could never be, for she loves someone else. What hurts even more is that I can’t tell her how I feel. It just wouldn’t be fair to her. It must remain one unrequited love that kills me slowly on the inside so she can be happy. A fruitless love. A painful love. A one-sided love. I have to leave it alone and move on for that’s what’s best. But what if I never forget you? What if, all my life, when I meet someone new, I can never fall for them because they aren’t you? I shall live in my own little sad world and live life the best I can. For that is all I can do. At least for now
It’s hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it’s harder to give up when you think it’s everything you want. Especially when what you want is something you’ve dreamed about ever since you were a little kid. It must’ve been almost seven years now since you first came into my life and I will never forget the day we first met. You were talking to your friends while I was playing basketball with mine, the ball bounced off the court and rolled into a conversation you and your friends were having. I think it was about how bad the teachers were and how you can’t learn anything from them. Anyway, I went to retrieve the ball and there you were. A beautiful brunette with brown eyes and flowing hair. Oh how you made my heart melt with the way you smiled. I was too afraid to talk to you then because I felt that I wasn’t ever going to be good enough for you. Yet none of that mattered for you were destined to leave anyways. The day I had to say goodbye, I cried.
Oh, like a hot, terrible sword, her words pierced his very heart. The love he gave was unrequited, his whole world just fell apart. He longed for intimate connection, but, alas, there was simply none. Pain and sadness then engulfed him, there was no place left for him to run. He thought he knew what real pain felt like, but he didn’t. Until he saw the way she looked at him. He thought he knew how much love would hurt, but instead he turned into a victim, shot down by this unrequited love. True love seemed ever so evasive. A long for goal not once achieved. He had much love to give another, yet why could it ever be received. Was he really so undeserving? Had past sins marked him with an X? Doomed to a sad life of solitude, an invisible cage leaving him so vexed. He thought he knew what real pain felt like, but he didn’t. Until he saw the way she looked at him. He thought he knew how much love would hurt, but instead he turned into a victim, shot down by this unrequited love. Now he was growing old and....“SHUT UP!’.
Honestly, Lauv and Troye Sivan had it right. I’m so tired of love songs, tired of love songs, tired of love. Filled with the one unachievable goal of finding your true love and living a happy life. Of someone sweeping you off your feet and making you feel like you belong. Like you were destined to ride off into the sunset living happily ever after. No. That kind of love only exists in fairytales. Which is another thing I dislike about life. Fairytales make it seem like there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way the world works. Sure, Maleficent can try to kill Aurora, and the evil queen can try to poison Snow White, but that doesn’t matter because love will always win in the end. What BS. I mean...what would make you believe that love can solve anything and everything in the world. They say that love is the most powerful emotion in the universe, but that's what makes it the most dangerous. It can be great and it can be awful. It might make or break your heart, life and soul. It can even change you as a person. But it can't control who you are or what you decide to do in life. You can choose love, I think, I don't actually know...crap. I can't make that statement because there is no actual truth or denial to it. Who knew love was so complicated? Not me. At least not yet anyways.
