03\23\21
T.W. i do talk about cutting and wanting to kms so if those types of things trigger you then please dont read this. I dont wanna be the cause of anyones hurt.
God im so tired. Im tired of never feeling like im enough. I hate that i fail everyone around me. And that no matter how hard i try, no one will ever want me. That im always gonna come second to someone else. I hate that i wasnt good enough for jackson. That he fell out of love with me and in love with emma. That he wants to be friends still and me being me said yes even though i knew my heart couldnt take watching him move on and fall in love with her. I hate that no matter how hard I try, im always gonna give in and do what he wants because i cant say no to him because I love him so much that it hurts. That everytime i see him kiss her or hear about him taking her on a date WE planned but never went on, how it feeps like another piece of me is being broken. Im afraid that when hes done with me, theres gonna be nothing left. And it sucks because there is no one who cares enough to protrct me. Is this emptiness ever gonna go away? I relapsed that day he broke up with me and told me he loved her. I made over 20 cuts on each arm. And god it felt so good. So i did it again the next day. And the next. And the day after that. Until i cpuldnt take it anymore anf almost took my life. But alonzo found me. He talked me out of it. But then he left too. And i just cant take anything anymore. I dont wanna be the ex that still hangs around anymore. I dont wanna see the sympatjetic looks i get from everyone around me. They know i love him too much to leave and thats why they are sorry. Im so done with everything....
