I’m in deep now. Over my head? I still feel on top of things, because I have to. But if I am in over my head, this would be the pinnacle. I’ve tried speaking to my mum, my sister, and my mates. Nobody can fully comprehend or fully believe. I guess they need to see me with a load of business people and a work contract before they can actually believe it. Or for me to show them a time travel machine. Seeing is believing after all.
My dad is switched on. He’s an established Professor / Engineer with a few very respected published books. He’s worked all over the world and lectured in many of the most prestigious universities as well as being an honorary member of the British empire. I need to see what he thinks. He might even know about all this, but has sworn to secrecy. Maybe, but I feel that I know him well enough to know that he hasn’t. If anyone’s going to believe me, it will be him. He surely knows that up at the top, it’s not all as it seems.
So, I organize a visit. Upon arrival, I gave him a semi-precious stone-encrusted globe that I picked up in the auction as a gift. It was difficult to tell him what I was going through. The feeling that he would dismiss it all as mental ramblings was overwhelming. So I begin by telling him about how G turned up into my office and that she explained to me in not so many words that I’m being watched. That they are very powerful people. That they can control things around me in a way I never thought possible.
He knew I’d broken up with my ex by this point. I tell him about the auction and that an un-earthly ring was available for way less than it should be. I explain how much stress and pressure the stone had been under to get so many fissures, all perfectly encased in a flawless facet. How the words of the auctioneer resonated with me.
“Do you want to see it?”
“Yes, I would,” He responded.
The emotion of what I’d explained leading to this point had built up. He sat and took every word I spoke in. Not a twitch of ‘Are you sure you’re not imagining things?’ look even came close to show on his face. He believed me. He knows I’m not a liar.
I open my wallet and take the ring out. When he sees it, his eyes start to well up as he’s captured in awe of the stone’s mesmerising and powerful aura. As I’m holding the ring, I feel the power it has, seeing my father cry while he looks into its eye. I’ve never seen any weakness from him around me. Who would have thought a little stone could do this.
I didn’t expect that reaction, but I think it was the combination of awe as well as the realization that this is all real. He’s been on this earth for long enough to know when he sees something as rare as this. Having something like this differentiates a delusion from reality.
“These people powerful people you’re talking about. They sound bad. I would stay well clear from them, it all sounds far too dangerous.” He says to me after some thought.
I can see why he would recommend that. And I agree with that statement. Nevertheless, I’m in far too deep now to turn around.
“I can’t. I have to carry on now, it would be more dangerous if I were to call it all off.”
My father begins to look extremely worried. He looks at me like he has lost his son, like death is around the corner and there’s only a very small chance I’ll get out of this alive.
He accepts what I’m saying, despite how far away from conventional reality it sounds. But he doesn’t agree with it. It might be a big opportunity, but he doesn’t want his son to get into trouble or die. Well, to be honest, it’s my life and I’m going for it. I’m kind of on a kamikaze at the moment. I’m not hoping for death, but I’m going to keep thinking on my feet, fight for survival and stay on the attack. If I’m killed in the process then fine. My other option is to run and hide. Live life with very slow progression and more than likely be tormented by the other side. Is that a life worth living? To be honest, I’d be lucky to live a life if I try to run away. I know too much, I’ve gone on the attack against people with a lot of power. Any one of them can have me killed and if I don’t keep my team backing me, it won’t be good.
My dad starts freaking out. He believes, which is such a relief. That’s what I needed at this point. Somebody to believe me. To come from my father who I respect greatly means so much more.
He continues to try to talk me out of it. Ironically, him believing me and trying to talk me out of it has made me want to keep going more. The fact that he believes means it’s not all in my head, which makes how fudged my life is, worth it.
I’m not getting a chance like this and throwing it away. Even if I could walk away, I don’t want to. This is my big chance and as much as it feels like torture, I’m still alive. People are listening to me. I’m making changes.
During my childhood, I’ve wanted to join the military but my dad didn’t want me to. He didn’t want any of his children to die. Well, it seems some paths create full circles. Now I’m basically in the military. Except, I could run one. That gives me an idea, I’ll put that in the back of my mind for now.
The risk is high, but I can make a difference. Maybe he was just scared for me. I could tell he didn’t believe in me enough to be able to take the higher powers on and win. That’s perfectly natural though. Although, it would have been nice to have full commitment and encouragement. Together we could have become a team. But no, he doesn’t want to get involved. There are too many angles to think about. If I was sane, I should be in agreeance. They have been in power for a long, long time. They have all the connections. They’re on the “other side.” They’re pulling the strings, calling the shots. How the fudge do I think I can beat them at their own game? That I’ve just learned how to play? It does sound mental. But I believe in myself. It’s got me to where I am now, and I’m not going to change out of fear.
He may know me, but he’s from a humble area and has done well himself. He still sees me as a child. He doesn’t know what I read and do. I’m average at best in his eyes. To be honest, I thought of myself as the same, I did well, but there are plenty of self-made millionaire 20-year old’s, so why aren’t they getting this chance instead of me?
Maybe it was because my Dad did so well. But his time has been, he’s 78 now, he’s had his best years. It may be that it was connected to him. It may be the long list of military connections in my family tree, Many at the top of their field. Our family tree has a lot of born leaders. The military has a good record-keeping system and the memoirs have all been kept for us, reading them makes me want to add to the achievements of the Knight tree.
Along the family tree, I think it was my great, great grandfather: He lost 2 houses from gambling. So, my family is against gambling. But I’ll gamble my life on trying, don’t know what I’m going to do but I know I’ll come up with something. Whatever it is, it will be good, I just haven’t thought of it yet. The more I can change the world, the better. If I die in the process, then I don’t mind. It’s a sacrifice for the world. But I’ll do my best to stay alive. Not out of fear of death, just because I feel like I’ll make more of a difference alive than dead.
I think that my dad didn’t want me to do it, partially because he wanted to be the one to be in my position. All his work, and he isn’t the one getting the chance? Maybe if he tells me not to, he will get a chance. He is never planning to retire, he will carry on writing his books, researching, and working. He’s not in it for the money, he just wants to pass on the knowledge and make a difference.
His advice is sound advice. The fact that I don’t know this girl, and she’s fudged up my life. But I can’t do much about that now, just hope it will work and if not with her. If not, do my best to become more powerful than her so she can’t fudge me over. World peace should do the job? If not, I’ll have to keep thinking.
I’ve heard what I need to from my dad. He’s not for any of this. I’m going to go for regardless. I don’t need any input to dissuade me from affecting my judgment. There’s no getting away from these big players now. Plus, they are super powerful and I would like to guide them to do the right thing.
“I have to keep going. I’ll do my best to stay safe, but I can’t turn back now. I’m sorry Dad.”
“Why would they listen to you and your plans?” He replied.
That statement resonated with me. It’s true, but they will if I made someone of myself. They listen to money, and I’m a pawn in this game.
It now seems that nobody is supporting me. But what am I to do? I’m in whatever you call this. A game? Seems a bit belittling to call it that, It’s my life. It may be a game for them when they’re fudging with every aspect of my life, but I have to live this. If they can do all this, if they wanted to turn on me, I dread to think what they can do if they wanted to really hurt me. It would be easy for them to ruin my career, my health and I’m sure they could end me without anyone batting an eyelid. I’m cornered. There’s nowhere I can run, nowhere I can hide.
Maybe I should go abroad and travel? This house that is meant to be a home doesn’t feel like home. I have no privacy here. Got to finish it. Finish it, sell it and decide what to do if they haven’t killed me or taken me yet.
I get home, start work. They’re still there, but I’m getting used to it. I put my headphones on so I can get into the groove while building. I get repeated messages saying “they’re outside!”
‘I know!’ I respond.
“No, literally, they’re outside watching you... Not us, them.”
‘What the fudge?!’ I thought to myself. They’re probably just fudging with me. Trying to get me to be even more paranoid than I already am. Then the outside light turns on in the garden. I look outside, it’s dark but I can’t see anyone who would have made it go off. Plenty of shadows there so there could be someone hiding. I close the curtains and lock the doors, I make sure there’s a decent tool to defend myself by me just in case. The spike on handle could come in handy, a few thrusts to the neck will do the job. Whoever is out there, I really don’t feel like dealing with this right now.
I have to get some stuff from the builder’s merchant and also put some furniture in the storage container that I’ve rented. I’m not staying in the house in fear. Whatever or whoever is out there, I’ll deal with them if I have to. I’ve got this spike on a handle. I don’t know its actual purpose but today, my sharp pokey can stay in my pocket. As I leave my house the next day, I drive past Stacey’s Nan, and she looks at me with a deer in the headlights look on her face. She also has an impressed expression. She must have come down to visit from Germany and is watching the house with Stacey to spy on me. There is no other reason she’d be outside my street. My address doesn’t have any geographical connection to where she’d need to go. For fudge’s sake, they are spying on me! At least it is just her family and nobody that is potentially dangerous to me.
My mum must have spoken to Stacey and in turn, Stacey must have spread the word to her family that I’m talking about all sorts of crazy things. Great, now I can’t even trust my mother to confide in. I feel crazy to be fair. Now I’m getting numerous references through my headphones that people are outside watching me, and it was right! Not a miss-read, there they fudging are!
I do start to miss read messages. I mean, they are limited in how they send messages, it is spread over various sentences. Very ingenious how they manage to do it while what the presenter is saying is totally sensical to the listener who isn’t “reading.” I’d get it wrong and confirm if that’s what they were saying after learning that I can misinterpret. This would then be confirmed with a yes or a no or a further explanation along the previous statements’ path, so I’d know.
I am skeptical whether they are telling me lies or the truth. On the other hand, they did say I’d be getting a promotion, only to be fired. Now they tell me people are outside, and they are. Not everything is true, so ill have to use my intuition and calculations to figure it out.
Stacy ends up coming over to speak to me a few days later. She doesn’t bring the kids this time. She looks worried about me, with ‘that’s a shame that you’ve gone mental,’ written across her face. Talking to me slowly like I’ve turned retarded.
“Look, I don’t know if my mum’s been talking to you. But at the end of the day, you can think I’m nuts if you want, I know I’m not. I’m having a really hard time at the moment, so I’d appreciate it if you stayed out of my business.”
“None of it is real. Your mum told me that you’re hearing voices and that some so-called powerful people are in contact with you. Yeah right, why would they want to talk to you?! From all the people that could lose their minds, I didn’t expect it from you. But you’re not seeing the kids anymore until you sort your head out.
“They told me you have been outside spying on me.”
“What?! Who told you? How would they even know? You’re lying!”
“How would I know then?”
“You must have been watching us from your window and made it up. Well, if it is real, I don’t want anything to do with it.”
This isn’t a surprise. Although I’m honored to get a big chance and am I willing to go through anything to make it and make a difference; she couldn’t think of anything worse. All she’s ever wanted is a laid-back easy life. No wonder they kept sending messages that she can’t come with me. She would never want any part of it. She would never be able to handle any of it, and it clearly can’t be separated as work and home life usually is.
“Maybe when it’s over we could make it work?”
“No Oscar, I’m never getting back with you. I’d never get back with someone that had broken up with me. Simple as that.”
I thought this was quite harsh considering the circumstances and the fact we had kids. But she had her mindset. Well, I’m going to have to make something of this otherwise everything has gone to shiz for no reason. If I do well, my kids will be proud of me and eventually inherit what I’ve made. In the long run for them, this is still for the best.
“Just sell the house, go traveling and clear your head. You’re not going to see much of the kids for a while anyway so you might as well do it now. This is the perfect opportunity. Plus you haven’t even got a job!” A smile of pleasure creeps onto her face. She must be loving the fact that it’s gone so badly for me while everyone is helping her and she gets to see the kids the whole time.
Very harsh for her to say that, but if she’s going to make it difficult, I might just do it and when I come back, she should feel a bit better about seeing me. I’ve always wanted to go traveling but because I had kids, that was never an option.
In all honesty, if I go traveling; I don’t think I’ll come back. It will surely be over at some point while I’m away. Either that or I’ll be killed. One of the two. Before I do that, ill finish the house and get it on the market, once it’s sold; if nothing has happened by then; I’ll decide. It’s going to take around two months to finish and then another 2-3 months to complete the sale. That’s too long not to have a steady income coming in. I’m still going to send Stacy £350 a month to help with the kids, so I need a job. Damn it. I’ll give myself a couple of weeks to work on the house and get things to a slightly livable state and then I’ll get a new job if there’s one out there. I guess I’ll find out if I am actually nuts or not when I’m working. Surely if it’s all in my head, I’ll get loads of things wrong and not make it through. Well, we’ll see. I just hope all this is over before I need to work while all this is going on. Can’t it just finish soon already? Surely it won’t go on for another five whole months?! I doubt it, but I have to plan for the worst-case scenario.