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Chapter Nine

Now my head is proper shot. That was not part of the plan whatsoever. I was sure that work was going well and that all this would lead to something positive. I’ve spent too much money, just broken up with the Mrs, house is in the worst state it’s been and now I’ve lost my job. Great.

There’s dust everywhere, all the walls are partially or entirely stripped. All carpets are up, a few floorboards are up in each room to get the electrics and plumbing installed. This is just a small step up from sleeping on the fudging streets.

I know they can see me. I hate this. How can they even see me? They comment on things that happen when no electronics are on with the curtains closed?! There must be some devices in this house. I need to find them.

I then began to search every nook and cranny in the house. Took out the lightbulbs, looked under the consumer unit casing. Anywhere I could get access to. There was a hollow section to the wall with a crack in it which was on the to-do list of plaster repairs. As I’m prying open the crack, a message reads “He’s found one of them!”

I pulled off a chunk of plasterboard to reveal a small space behind. I was half expecting to find some electronic listening device, but nothing. But as I look closer, I see a tool of some sorts. It’s a metal spike on a handle. It must have been left here when the house was either repaired or initially built. Well, this is quite sharp and pocket-sized. It might come in handy considering all these threats.

I come to the realization that I’m not going to find their electronics. They are good at leaving no trace of their existence. If I was close, they could just go back in time and make sure the one I find is not there. Always able to be one step ahead. At least with no proof, there are no ties to them, complete deniability on their part.

Well, the Bowers and Wilkins ceiling speakers and the amp has been delivered, I may as well install them while I work, so I’ve got music to keep me going. So, I lay out the cables in the wall, ran the cables under the floor, and cut the holes in the ceiling. Amp stays in the box with wires through little holes to save it from dust and oh my days, they are loud! Loud, crisp, and very sharp regardless of volume. I couldn’t have spent £1k on a stereo set up better. Floodlights, hooked up, and some fairy lights around the newly tiled fireplace.

Created my mad-house, just as I’m basically going through a fudging breakdown. Haha, it is quite funny that I’m living in this mess when my life and head is a complete mess. I’m still a bit pissed off but I still have the motivation to complete my task. Plus, it’ll keep me busy and my mind occupied. Just the house, and me.

It’s less daunting than what it looks like. I’ve done it before, so it’s less learning required, more about just getting on with it. But doing building work was the last thing I wanted to do considering everything. I wanted to research and find out who these people are, and what is going to happen to me.

Whenever I did research, it provided limited information to almost nonexistent. They have covered up well. I read and researched government secrets and hidden technologies but I have never come across this Pandora’s box of how things work. I’m going to learn more directly from them rather than from research at this point. For something so huge, it’s an absolute head fudge that there’s so little information about it. Who knows about it and how has nobody ever leaked anything? It must be a very small and exclusive club, but they’re using the most public way of communication. They’re making everyone looked quite foolish to do it under everyone’s nose on TV and radio, and nobody fudging knows! Except for those already involved and now me, I guess.

As the days ticked by and the constant feedback from my thoughts continue whether I like it or not, I begin to get more and more pissed off. “Stop fudging listening to me!” I’d say with my inner voice. “Nope, we’re here to stay,” would be their response. For fudge sake! I can’t keep listening to my own mind. It would occasionally slip into the subconscious, but the more they responded to my thoughts; the more aware I was of it. ‘I didn’t ask for this, I don’t want them in my head. It’s bad enough with everything else. I didn’t agree with this. I want to play the game, but I don’t want them fudging listening to my mind!’ “Ahhahaah, he’s struggling!” What a piss-taking response! I’ve had enough of this. ‘Just leave me alone!’ Why the fudge am I carrying on with the conversation with my mind? It’s too much. ‘Fudge off out of my head!!’ They’re not going anywhere, and I’m not happy about it.

There are thoughts and then there is my inner voice. They are entwined but are significantly different. Inner thoughts are more subconscious and non-nonsensical. Talking to yourself but without being conscious that the voice is a voice of its own. It’s a lot easier not to know it can be heard because once you’re aware of it, it’s hard to ignore it. You who are reading this will probably get over it, but with constant feedback on what I’m thinking, I am almost always aware of it.

I continue to swear at them; ‘Fudge off out of my head, I’m not consenting to this!’ It would become such a repetitive thought, I was worried I had caught Tourettes! Laughing from them “We’re not going anywhere,”

“We’re not going to stop.”

‘I didn’t sign up for this! I don’t mind being tested and doing something, but stay out of my fudging head!’ I reached the anger stage within the 7 stages of grief. These stages I’ve realized can be applied to almost everything that is a significant change. This stage is probably going to last a while. I know the stages, so I may as well push through to the next one. I bargain with them to try anything and everything to get them not to listen to my mind, or at least if they are going to, not comment on my thoughts. Just on what I say and do out-loud. I can speak with my own voice. My thoughts are for me and myself only, unless I willingly choose to share them.

‘Bla bla bla bla, stop listening! I’m not thinking!’ I just can’t stop my brain from thinking. I don’t want to think-talk, but it’s the same in their eyes.

I decide to start talking out loud to them instead. They still respond, but it feels fudging nuts. I keep the curtains drawn but it feels too weird. I would talk with my voice and drift back and forth with my mind’s voice, just to get a feel for it. My voice sounds pretty much identical in my head as my audible voice. Even the pitch gap in tone and intonation is there. If it’s in my mind, why is it not different? Fascinating. Even if I fudging whisper in my mind, they can still hear me. They can hear everything.

I’m conscious of looking like a nutter, so I’m better off just talking with my mind, I might not like it but it’s either that or talk to them and stare intently at the stereo for a response. If anyone saw that; that’s a call to the men in white coats to come and take me away...

They have been studying brains since Nazi Germany in WW2, and we are still under the impression that they can’t hear our thoughts. We can just about move a robotic arm, but 70 years of brain research is still to the public’s knowledge; very primitive.

If they have enough sensors and asked many subjects to read the letters shown on a screen, it wouldn’t take them too long to get the brain patterns made when each letter is read, cataloged and verified by other patient tests, would it? Have these scientists been twiddling their thumbs the whole time? Or is the technology still so unrefined that it is actually that hard to do?

Whether they can in this day and age is by the by. I know they can. If I research it, little to no information comes up, or they state that they are physically unable to at the moment. If time travel is real, it’s opened the Pandora box to all possibilities. If they haven’t got the technology now, they will soon. And when they do, if someone can go back in time and give that technology to them at this time, then, they’ve got it. All they need to do is ensure the scientists don’t acquire the technology, otherwise they wouldn’t end up developing it. Therefore, this would cause a time paradox. What would happen then? Maybe it would still work. But that would mean that all research would be pointless! Are they doing all this just to keep us occupied and to keep the time travel secret under wraps?

If there are infinite timelines, then only one reality needs to do the research and go back in time; giving the past the technology that has been researched. It isn’t changing “the past,” it’s just changing one version of it, so it would not be a paradox at all. The problem would then be that by changing “the past,” it would also change “the future.” Except, it would just be another version of the future. The future of the people who live there would not be changed. This is based on an infinite timeline theory, where each one develops independently. By going back and giving technology, a new timeline would be created and have its own future. The future the technology came from has the same past and unchanged future. But I’ll need to get my head around all theories to see which one it is. Asking them will help, but I cannot trust everything they tell me based on their firing wind-up.

It seems pointless researching when it’s so underground there are only speculative theories based on assumptions. None of the people who are talking about these subjects actually know which one applies to our reality. If anything, they talk about it in a way that is interesting to think about but most probably not applicable. Even if it is, there is no way to tap into the other realities so no need to go into the fine details of the subject.

If we were given technology from the future, what would that achieve? Sure, it will help us speed up our technology, but it might be premature if we have not adapted enough to be ready for it. Would it change our lives for the better? It would to some degree, but it would also make everything different and change the course of our lives as we know it.

It seems that time travel is a luxury that only a select few will experience; going to different times and realities and experiencing the differences. I initially thought you’d have to ‘go there’ to see things in different times. But it turns out after a few think-talk chats that the people who have access to the best technology don’t have to physically go there. They can use a device to see things in other times and send messages and communicate without being there in person. According to the messages, it is dangerous to travel back and forth in time too much. I guess it would be a lot more convenient to have a crystal ball of sorts and see someone who is somewhere, years, days, or hours ahead or back and send messages to them.

That would keep their identity and location almost impossible to find. Only someone with time travel technology would be able to find them. Even then, if they send the messages without there being any way of determining which time or location it came from, it would be near impossible.

Whoever they are, they must be having a whale of a time messing with whoever they want in whatever time they want without ever risking any repercussions. If they keep fudging with me like this, I’m going to try my very best to fudge with them in return. It might be dangerous, but they’re ruining my life for shizs and giggles. I’m still optimistic that I will eventually get rewarded after the initiation process, so I’m just going to keep my cool for now. But the rage is building up deep inside.

At the end of the day: You, the reader, can think this is all bullshiz or some ridiculous farce. Or you may think that I’m going nuts and imagining it all. If it was the latter; I may have a good imagination but not like this. My subconscious mind would have to be far, far more clever than my conscious mind to imagine answers they are giving me that I’ve not ever thought of and all work at a very complicated level. However, it is possible. I agree. The reason I know it’s not, is because of the vast number of clear messages that are clear to not only me, but the people who happen to be around me at that time.

This would be very impressive if my mind managed to create all this! It’s probably far more likely than this being real. I mean, come on! One young adult being exposed to all sorts of technology that is strictly in the fiction category, being offered to run massive things, maybe even the world at some stage?! That just doesn’t happen. Too many people are in mental institutions claiming to hear voices or that they are the new Jesus. But if you stay with me on this; I have mulled it over and I’m 99.99% sure it’s real. Through extensive testing and being thrown off guard with many well-timed messages. That on top of asking direct questions only to hear a response specific to the question?!

If you are beginning to believe. You might be thinking; how it could be possible. Think about it. Our scientists are researching all aspects of quantum physics. There are so many classified areas of research. We’ve got a Hadron collider finding out the nuts and bolts of the smallest particles that are the building blocks to everything. There’s always more that we’re learning. We’ve got neuroscientists working for the government and the military with classified findings. Technology such as WiFi, Bluetooth, NFC, radio, and all sorts of wireless transmission technology. Unless we’re used to it; it would be hard to convince someone from the past that this is possible. Well, what if we are in the past and this is only available in the future? And they have cracked time travel?

We have proven previous theories wrong time and time again. Who’s to say we can’t break the speed of light? Or at least find a way around it? We aren’t even close to fully understanding how the fabric of the universe works. Wormholes are a way around it. We have a very limited understanding of black holes and can only speculate how things work inside one. All mathematics breaks down when the big bang is calculated from an infinitesimally small point. Did our universe come from a black hole that was inside another universe? Is the universe even expanding as they believe? Or is it just that light from such vast distances has a bit of distortion creating the perceived Doppler effect in the light waves? Are we that naïve to think that we are the only intelligent life in the whole universe? We don’t even know how big it is! Based on what we can see, where light has had enough time to get to us; there are more stars than there are grains of sand on all the seas and beaches in the world! Each one of those stars will have planets and moons around those planets. All of those potentially habitat locations, and we are the only ones with vast variations of life?! That, to me, is very hard to swallow.

If the invention of time travel is possible, then someday it will be possible in all timelines. Even if it’s 10, 100, or 1,000 years from now, we’ll end up getting there. There are many books about alien encounters. They may not be best-sellers or seem too far-fetched to take seriously. In my opinion, I doubt that authors would write about encounters that are completely made up, just for the sake of it. There are many similarities. These authors put their reputation on the line, They’re not all hillbillies as the media would like us to believe. Many are high-ranking officials in the government, military, space industry, and other well-respected fields. Mostly ridiculed by society as a crack-pot regardless of their reputation. Our minds have been well conditioned to reject or ridicule anything outside of the accepted norm. Well, I’d say my reputation is not quite as rated as some that I have read about; nevertheless, far from a typical mental case.

A re-occurring phenomenon that themes in alien encounter literature is time travel. Time pauses, slows down, and speeds up when they encounter aliens and alien crafts. The space-time continuum would have to be able to be bypassed for aliens to realistically get from planet to planet without spending their whole life traveling. If time travel was discovered, the distance and time it would take to get from one planet to another would be feasible.

Once time travel technology has been cracked, we could theoretically go forward in time, accrue the relevant technologies that have been developed, go back to the current time and make changes to how we do things. We would probably have interplanetary travel by then as well. We would probably be able to create atmospheres similar to our own if they didn’t exist.

That’s assuming we don’t destroy ourselves due to war or some kind of natural disaster. If we could travel between different times and planets, there’s no reason why we couldn’t colonize another planet and develop and evolve independently from earth’s people. After a long time, with differences in gravity and atmosphere affecting the way humans look, they’d eventually become barely recognizable as ‘humans’. If these people then came back to earth at a time when none of this technology was known to humans, they would be aliens in our eyes. Too many ways there would be aliens out there. Whether they are related to us or developed independently. Time travel would open up so many doors. I can’t wait to finish this, so I can see what they can do!

This is all very possible, and I have to give myself a sanity check. I mean, I’m going through a crisis at the moment so it could all be fabricated from my over-active and emotionally charged brain. But I know it’s not. I’m not hearing things and imagining things. I can hold intellectual conversations without any issues. If I hear what people are saying and respond appropriately; I’m not fudging imagining things! Plus, why would G have told me what she did? That was all before the break-up?! So it can’t be blamed on an ‘emotionally un-stable fabrication.’

I do feel quite blessed that these time travelers could choose anyone in the world and of any time, and they have selected me. Sure, they might have approached many people, but, it seems that it must be a very select few. I’ll have a bit of time off and then look for work, I still need a salary, but not just yet.

One sunny afternoon, I was chilling outside, sat on the wall, and during my time of reflection, I come to a realization and thought to myself; ‘Oh shiz, this is absolutely huge! Grow up and play the game; this is your chance!’ My thoughts were stopped short straight after I’d told myself that by a big splodge of rain which dripped from the sky onto my face. Perfect timing, again. What the fudge?! It was a cloudless sunny day?! Was that them giving me a confirmation? How did they if they did? What can’t they do?

So far, there have been so many coincidences, it would be daft to write this one as an actual coincidence given the timing. I’m only just waking up to their abilities, there’s always something new! I’ll know soon enough if they can have effects on small things as well, I’ll just pay attention to the timing of them moving forward.

After being aware that they can control objects around me that aren’t under the technology or human category; I became more aware of the clicks and noises in the house. The fudging clicks, knocks, and creaks of the house seem to occur when I’m in deep thought. Either when I realize something or ask myself a question, where yes could be the answer. Fudging hell, it’s like this house is haunted by ghosts. But they’re not ghosts, they’re manipulated by whoever it is!

‘What can I do though?? Fudging hell. They might have the wrong guy. Don’t be stupid. They know what they’re looking for, I’ve just got to believe in myself. I’m too small as a financial entity. They could fudge me over quickly if they wanted to. I need to get some backing. Shiz. I need to make a lot of money somehow; fast. If not, I’ll probably piss the wrong person off soon enough and be squished like a bug.’

I’ve still not heard from G. I’d have thought she’d have been in contact with me by now? As of now, I’m not working with her; she doesn’t have to worry about keeping her cover in front of colleagues. So, I call the office at lunchtime when I know she will be at the reception to answer. I tell her it’s for references and that I need access to a few drawings that are still in the office. But she and I both know that the main reason was to have a conversation with her. She answered the questions but seems distant and doesn’t seem to want to talk any longer than was required. Weird. Then again, the office can probably hear the conversations, So I send her an e-mail instead. Nothing too much, just that it was good to get to know her and if she wanted to meet up, to give me a call, and left my mobile number.

No reply. Well, that’s just fudging rude.

I then receive a message from the financial director to advise that I shouldn’t contact G and if it continued, they would be contacting the police! Just from an e-mail and one civil phone call! My mum then phones asking if I’m doing alright 20 minutes after receiving the e-mail from the Finance department.

She must have been contacted by him when he e-mailed me. Why are they making such a big deal over nothing?!

My mother then starts talking to me strangely, like she thinks I’m nuts. Except, I haven’t said anything to anyone who knows her what has been going on. G must be spreading shiz. Well, she’s the one fudging with me, I wonder what bullshiz she’s been making up about me.

When I play the cartoon in which G has been communicating with me, she says... “It was me! Not the Rat, it was me who got you fired!” ‘That fudging bitch’ I thought to myself. Oops, they can hear my thoughts! I quickly apologize with my mind after. I don’t want to piss her off despite how rude that was.

“That’s alright, we understand your frustration.”

Well, that’s thoughtful of them. I’m consoled by a cartoon’s response. This is so fudging strange whenever I snap back into my normal way of thinking.

My mum, worrying about my welfare, visits Scotland the next day. This is very much unlike her. She’s clearly concerned, but why and how? I have stayed silent to everyone who she knows about this. Apart from Stacy, and she doesn’t like my mum. I’ve told her some stuff, but only enough to get her view on things. I would speak to her while the kids were playing or when we were preparing their food in the kitchen. I needed to tell someone and despite our break up, I still considered her the person that I knew the most and could share things in confidence.

My mum is really concerned when she comes in. She starts talking to me like a shrink to a patient. She points out my house is a building site, and she can’t see how I’ll ever finish it. To the untrained eye, it looks like an unachievable amount of work. But I know it is doable. Just because I’m not working on it all the time, I’ll get it done. I’m actually disappointed that she is convinced that I won’t be able to. “Remember the last house? This is what it also went through!” I said.

She just didn’t see each stage of its construction. If anything, this makes me want to finish it even quicker. Just to prove her wrong.

She manages to persuade me to talk and, as I’m an open and honest person; I may as well come clean and tell her the truth. Well, the REAL truth that had been especially privy to. So, I tell her that G started in work and informed me about a large amount of power that I could get involved with. I told her about controlling the TV and radio but I didn’t tell her about them being able to read my mind. A bit at a time. She would definitely think I’m nuts if I told her about mind reading. I think part of her knew that I may have done well enough in life to be noticed and initiated into a bigger thing than what is available to the common man.

Part of her believed it, but as it was so far out of the normal, she wasn’t convinced. She must have thought it was all a figment of my imagination. I guess this is easier to believe but still very hard to fathom. Despite my doing reasonably well in life, she always saw me as someone who wouldn’t amount too much. No matter what I did, she was always convinced that I wouldn’t do well and my sister would be the one who would be successful. Disheartening, but nothing I hadn’t become well accustomed to. She is pessimistic about life, and always expects the worst. She seemed very sad that her son seemed at a standstill; fired, broken family, living in a house that seemed it would never be finished, and to top it all off; In her eyes, I’ve lost my mind and am deluded.

She tells me that she has been recording the whole conversation. I ask her to delete it as it is highly confidential, but she refused. I was close to kicking off and taking the recording, but it is my mother, so I let her have it, trusting she won’t give it to the wrong people. I could tell part of her believed me, but it’s too much to accept from blind faith alone. Well, it doesn’t matter; I’ll prove her wrong. I’ll finish the house and make something of myself. That drive has always been in me. Her pessimism regarding my success has also been a driving force to prove her wrong. So ironically, it helped, despite the fact I needed someone to be on my side and believe me. A family member that I have no reason to impress or lie to, who can listen and be supportive throughout this difficult time. Unfortunately, I can’t confide in her as any more information would make her question my sanity further. I can’t trust Stacy anymore and my mates think it’s too far-fetched to be true. Well, that leaves nobody to tell and talk to. Great...

After my mother leaves, I get back to my sleeping bag and camping mattress. I can’t help but think my life is so fudged right now. This is literally rock bottom. Nevertheless, I can and will get past this. I just have to keep focused and reap the rewards in the long run.

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