July 6, 2014
My Dad and my brother are in Edmonton, Canada. My dad is forcing me to go to tennis practice again. He says that if I do not go there will be consequences. Very bad ones. He said when he gets back he will start hitting me and will not stop. Probably until I start bleeding.He believes that I refuse to play just to be belligerent. To spite them. It is not like that it is-- Oh who am I kidding. You have heard this a thousand times already. I just wish someone could hear. And listen. And understand. I would rather kill myself than get back on that court. I want to be free. Free to make my own decisions. To do what I want and have fun doing it. Unfortunately that is not how it works here.
August 20, 2014
Today was the first day of school, and there was a thunder and lightening storm. The pep rally has been postponed to Friday. My new schedule is as follows:
First Period: American Lit
Second Period: Intro to Computer Science
Third Period: Sports Medicine
Fourth Period: Spanish
I really do not want to take Comp Sci, but both parents ganged up on me, so I am being forced to take yet another class that will ¨help me in the long run¨. I think I am going to like my teachers this year, especially my American Lit teacher Mrs.Lasmeral. She is really nice, and I have heard many good things about her. We sat together you today at lunch as usual. We talked about our summers, and you walked me to class. You have grown a lot over the summer.
September 2, 2014
I feel really stupid right now. Well stupid….and angry...and sad. My parents yelled at me again. Called me rude, said that people think there is something wrong with me. They said that I am acting like I am on drugs or something. I do not understand why it still gets to me when they yell these things at me. Why it still bothers me. I guess it has something to do with their tone. Even when they are yelling at me, they manage to say everything in this patronizing tone; as if they were talking to baby instead of a teenager. I guess some small part of me still wants them to be proud of me, and everytime they yell at me like that….I just wish I had not been born. They say these things all the time; I guess I must be starting to believe them. Maybe my friends do think I’m crazy and only hang out with me pity. The funny thing is I do not even know why I snapped at my parents this morning. I just woke up feeling so angry. They asked me if I wanted to be a part of the family. I lied. I lied because I was afraid of what my dad would do if I told him the truth. I told him I wanted to be a part of the family. I have never felt so stupid...so humiliated in my life.I guess I am like the biggest chicken in the world. But you do not think I am crazy right? Right?