May 16, 2013
Thing have quieted down a little; at least for now. I still try to spend minimal time with my dad and my brother. I placed first twice in the 400 today. This was our last meet. We can keep practicing till CIFs end, but I’m not going to.
I try really hard with my school work, but a you know, I am no scholar. I’m an average student at best. My parents say that if I just tried a little harder and worked at it I would not have a problem.
I’ve started a new series: Halo by Alexandra Adornetto. I’m on the second book (Hades). The third book is called Heaven. IT takes my mind off things.
One time when my brother got defaulted from a tournament for slamming his racquet, my dad took him to this place...I’ll never forget it no matter how much I hate my brother. My dad took him to Avenue Calafia and he beat the shit out of him for at least twenty minutes. The poor boy was screaming his head off and there was no one there to hear him but me. And what could I do? As if that wasn’t enough, my dad then drove to this school near our house called Crestville and beat the crap out of him there too. I cried. I cried so hard, and I was not even the one being hit. I will never forget that. What if he had done that to me?
June 3, 2013
I had to drag my bike to school today because of the Triathlon for PE. My backpack capsized three times. One of the guys walking behind me helped stabilize it again. On another occasion I would not have let him help me, but I knew the kid so I let it slide. He and his brother walk behind me to school everyday. Anyway, the Triathlon was awesome. Don’t tell anyone I said that. I’ve been telling people it was terrible; it’s fun to watch them start freaking out.
We started reading Romeo and Juliet in English today. I quite frankly do not like Romeo. He is very shallow. He was sooo depressed about Rosaline not loving him, and then five seconds later he is “deeply in love” with Juliet. Worse, he kisses Juliet after he has only known her for like two minutes if that. Juliet is only 13!
June 9, 2013
My father thinks I’m a liar. He thinks I’m lazy, and that nothing good will come to me; that I will become nothing. He says I’m crazy. He wants me to be checked out. I’m 15 Luke. How does he expect me to tackle four subjects (1 honors) and tennis and basketball? I mean let’s face it, I’m not the smartest kid around, but I’m not crazy. But then I guess that’s what all crazy people say isn’t it. My dad, he knows I’m not a good student; he knows I am not the best tennis player. He knows I don’t want to play basketball. He still expects so much from me. That’s the thing...when so many people expect so many great things from you. I mean how many people have told me I’m the next Venus Williams? How many others are shocked that I’m not into modeling? I don’t want to let them all down, but when it comes down to it, it is not about them. It’s about me. And me? I want to be happy. Playing tennis does not make me happy. My dad doesn’t really care abou that. See, in Mr. Perfect’s world, if I don’t play a sport, I am lazy. According to Mr. Perfect, the only reason I am getting Bs, Cs, and Ds, is because I am not studying hard enough, and because I don’t want to learn because I am of course lazy. According to Mr. Perfect, I am going to need a “vehicle” because I need “something more, because Cs won’t even get you into San Diego State! Not even San Diego State!”
Well, Mr. Perfect, I got news for you. I am out here trying my best to do what I love and what makes me happy. What is it that makes me happy? My dream to be a world famous author of YA fiction books. All you do is cut me down, and that’s okay, I forgive you. You’re just trying to do what you think is best for me right? Of course right. But I am a grown woman now and I can make decisions for myself, so you can lay of it now. Deal? Deal.
Luke, I tried to tell you today, but you walked up smiling, and you were so happy, and so I smiled too.