“Yea,” I said, filled with guilt. “I’m scared, Amira,” I said, tears welling up in my eyes once again. “I know,” she said. “It’ll be okay,” she said. People always say that when they know things won’t be okay. “I’m gonna go for a walk, I need to clear my head somehow,” I said. “Okay,” she said. She got under my covers and fell asleep. I already had a hoodie on so I just grabbed my shoes and headed out. I locked the door and began walking on the sidewalk. It was raining outside so it was pretty relaxing, I put my headphones in and played light music. I was finally at peace.
Until I heard someone call my name. I knew exactly who it was so I pretended I didn’t hear them and kept walking. They started yelling my name louder so I changed the music. I played Look at me and raised it to the highest level. Now I couldn’t hear anything. I was mumbling the lyrics while I walked up the hill. I realize it’s not safe for me to be walking alone, but if anyone decides to try me, I have a pocket knife.
I don’t know why but I prefer being alone to being around anyone else. When you’re alone you can do whatever you want without having the opinion of others. No one’s around to judge you and it’s truly a state of peace. And when you’re alone, you realize things. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. It’s like what that one rapper said; “Being alone makes you realize all you got is yourself”. When you think about that, it hits. And it hurts.
My eyes started to well up with tears again and I felt pain. I wiped my tears and decided to go the gas station to get a snack. I made my way to the gas station. I reached it after about 5 minutes since I was already pretty close to it. I went in and waved to Tommy. I’ve known her practically the whole time I’ve lived in our house. She’s been here for a long time and I trust her with my life. “Hey Monique,” she smiled. I tried to force a smile but it just couldn’t come out.
Her face dropped and she came around to me. She wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. I started sobbing and no matter how hard I tried, the tears just kept coming. “Baby, what’s wrong?” she said. I wiped my tears and sniffled. “Ilyasa’s missing,” I said. Her eyes filled with tears as she held me again. She knew my brother very well too. She would always give him free Oreo’s every time we came here. She wasn’t supposed to, but she didn’t care.
“I can’t tell you that it’s gonna be okay, but it’s okay,” she said. “Nique, I’m so sorry,” she said. “Nah it’s okay. I just came here for a snack,” I said. “Go pick out whatever you want,” she said. I nodded my head and went to the chips aisle. I picked out a few things and went back to the register. I pulled out a 20 and handed it to Tommy. “Don’t even try to give it back. You’ve done so much for me already, Tommy,” I said. She shook her head and ringed up my items.
She gave me a receipt and put my snacks in a bag. She then leaned over the counter and gave me a warm kiss on my nose. I smiled and she waved at me as I left the gas station. I began making my way back home as I ate my chocolate bar. I was already halfway back when the same exact person began calling my name again. This time I just completely ignored them. No music, just ignorance. I kept walking and finally reached my house.
I slipped off my shoes and went back up to my room. Amira was still asleep but she woke up as soon as I stepped into the room. “I got you a snack,” I said as I gave her a bag of chips. “Thank you,” she said in a hoarse voice. We ate our snacks in silence until she broke it. “You went to Tommy’s?” she asked me. “Yea and I ended up bawling my eyes out,” I rolled my eyes. Amira giggled and shook her head. “How’s she doing? I haven’t been up there in a while”. “She’s doing okay,” I said, looking down. “Amira”. “Yea?” she said. “I think someone was following me”.