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guilt tripping

“I think someone was following me,” I said. “What?” she said in shock. “I don’t know, but I couldn’t shake the feeling. I’m already paranoid enough as it is,” I said. “Don’t go out alone anymore. Next time you feel that way, call me and send me your location,” she said. “Okay”

It has now been 23 hours since Ilyasa has been seen. Every hour that goes by, I become more worried. At this point, I’m on the verge of a breakdown. I haven’t slept, ate, or sat down. I’ve just been pacing back and forth. My mom finally woke up and she got pissed when she realized the officers haven’t called her back. I could tell she was super frustrated and my mom wasn’t really someone with a lot of patience so this type of situation is most definitely irking.

My dad had finally come home and all he could do was yell. He was yelling at my mom, blaming everything on her like this was somehow her fault. Talking about some, “You should have picked him up” or “If he dies, it’s your fault” guilt-tripping is not going to make the situation any better than it is. You can’t blame this situation on her because you’re pressed. I’m honestly so tired of my dad’s bullshit and I can’t do it anymore. I went upstairs to get away from my parents yelling and blasted music in my headphones to drown out the noise.

ˢʰᵒʳᵗ ᵗⁱᵐᵉ ˢᵏⁱᵖ

I opened my eyes and there was sunlight? I looked around for my phone and checked the time. 11:30 AM? When did I fall asleep? I’ve been in situations like this but I usually remember if I fell asleep or not. I rubbed my eyes as I tried to force myself to wake up. My mom then came into the room and laid down next to me. “You fell asleep yesterday so I came here, pulled the covers over you, and turned off your light,” she said.

“Oh. Thank you, ma,” I said. “You’re welcome,” she said. “Now get dressed. You’re going to school today,” she said, getting up. “But-” “But nothing. You’re going,” she said as she left my room and closed the door. “MONIQUE HURRY UP BEFORE YOU’RE LATER THAN YOU ALREADY ARE” she yelled. I hopped out of bed and began getting ready. I put on a lazy outfit meaning sweatpants and a hoodie. I didn’t even try to fix my hair or anything. I just brushed my teeth, slipped on my Nike slides, and headed out.

“Where’s Aya?” I said. “She’s sleeping. She doesn’t have any classes today” my mom said, grabbing her keys and her purse. I didn’t grab any food since I didn’t feel like eating. We headed out and she dropped me off at school. “Tell your teacher I’ll call her,” she said. “Okay. Bye,” I said as I shut her door. I went inside and since it was about 12:09 right now, I should be in Biology. Thankfully, no one I knew was in that class so for now, no need for human interaction. “Monique, you are late,” Ms.Johanssen said. Nah bitch I’m early. “My mom will call you,” I said and sat down in my seat. “Okay. Now class...” she continued as I spaced out, not even paying any attention to the lesson.

After that class was finally over, I had Algebra which means I would have to see Denzel and Ashanti. I groaned and trudged to the room. I walked in, not acknowledging anyone’s presence, and sat in my seat. “Monique, where have you been?” Denzel said. I completely ignored him and I heard Ashanti whispering to him. “Leave her alone and mind your business,” she said. But he just kept asking. Like can he not take a hint. Every single time he kept asking, I would get more annoyed.

See, I have a very, very short fuse. Meaning I get angry very quickly. Patience is something that I deeply lack so this situation was making me twitch in frustration. “Denzel, SHUT UP” I yelled. Everyone paused to look at me and the teacher turned around. “Monique, what’s wrong?” he asked me. “He won’t stop talking to me,” I said. “Denzel, leave her alone and pay attention to the lesson,” the teacher said to him. “Whore,” Denzel said under his breath. I started to twitch again and that was honestly the last straw for me.

I turned around and I slapped Denzel across his face. The sound of my hand hitting his face echoed in the room and Denzel held his face in pain. “What was that?!” someone said. “SHE SLAPPED ME,” Denzel yelled. “DAYUM,” Ashanti yelled. “Monique, go to the office,” the teacher said. “He called me a whore, so obviously I’m not just gonna sit here and take that. Send me to the office if you want, but if I’m going, he should go too” I said. “Denzel, go to the office with Monique,” the teacher said.

I grabbed my stuff and walked out. I heard footsteps behind me but I just kept walking towards the office. We made it to the office and I went to the receptionist. “Mr. James told Denzel and I to come here, Tommy” I said. If you didn’t know, Tommy also works as a receptionist at our school which is why I wasn’t scared to come to the office. “What happened?” she asked us. Denzel was now standing next to me, still holding the spot where i had slapped him.

“I slapped him across the face,” I smiled. “WHY?” she said. “Because he called me a whore,” I said. She looked at Denzel and gave him a disgusted look. “Because I know the situation you’re in Monique, I won’t call your parents. But Denzel, I will most definitely be calling your parents,” she said as she typed something on her keyboard. “Oh come on. What situation could she be in that is so bad that she gets excused for putting her hands on me?” he said. Tears started to well up in my eyes but I quickly wiped them. “Tommy, I’ll see you later,” I said, leaving the office.

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