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Temp-ta-tion: noun a strong urge or desire to do something, especially something wrong or unwise.

Other / Romance
Age Rating:

1.1: The Missed Chance

We sat there both pretending to ignore the kind of tension rapidly building between us. It wasn’t like this hadn’t happened before, it was just that it happened so long ago and after everything it was kind of weird. We both knew that this moment wasn’t supposed to end up existing again; the possibility for that should have been shattered. He claimed that he just wanted to make amends, but I should’ve known that this was only the base plan for a much larger scheme. He knew that I would let my guard down. He knew that once face to face I couldn’t hold a grudge. I had once prided myself on the fact that I wasn’t the naive girl I used to be, but I was wrong.

I was still her, but maybe just a little bit worse. I no longer cared what was thought about me. It no longer affected me the way that it used to. I thought I had become good at hiding from it all, but the only thing I’d managed to hide from in all of this time was temptation. I hadn’t given myself a fighting chance against it and now it was sitting here staring me in the face like a bright red juicy apple; and I just wanted to take a big bite of it, but I had to contain myself. He had to be the one to make a first move. He had to be the one to initiate anything further.

I licked my lips trying to focus on something besides the dirty thoughts running through my mind. Being in this car with him made me think about all the possibilities that had been stolen from us and I was beyond ready to act on them; but the reason I was sitting here held me back.

“What took so long?” he finally asked, passing me the blunt after I finally got settled in the passenger seat of his car. I stared at it for a moment almost forgetting that I told him I needed to get high about an hour ago. It was because of that slip of the tongue that he was over here. He said he had weed if I was being forreal. Then he added in that it would be easier to talk face to face anyways. I was sweating bullets, so nervous that I took a shower simply because I had no idea what else to do. Everything leading up to this bad idea had been wrong.

“I told you I was going to take a quick shower.” I teased taking the blunt from him and inhaling deeply. I could already feel the filter on my mouth leaving and I wanted to be so high that the events to come would only seem like a dream. I wanted to remember and forget all at the same time.

“How long you took was the opposite of quick.” he teased back.

“Well I guess I need to be taught a lesson on what quick really means, or at least find the right word for how long I take.” my voice was lower, softer. I hadn’t meant for my words to have a double meaning, but clearly my mouth had a mind of its own. I could feel the amount of lust filling my eyes as a sultry look placed itself on my face. I knew that all of this was wrong, but I couldn’t help myself. He was one of those missed chances that I wished I could go back and take, and here he was. The opportunity had presented itself and like a bitch in heat I was ready to jump at the chance. Still, the past remained and until I found out some things I was keeping that bitch on a leash. Until I knew the truth I couldn’t let my guard down completely.

“I’m not fina do this with you with Nikki.” he laughed, his hands slowly inching closer to mine. I rolled my eyes feeling them start to flutter close without my consent. I loved the way my name rolled off of his tongue as he tried to conceal what he was feeling. His words from earlier floating to my ears. ‘I just feel like, after everything we been through, if we did something now we wouldn’t be fucking...we’d be making love.’ I had to mentally slap myself to bring me back to reality. So many promises in just a few words and I was eager for them to be fulfilled.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shrugged. “You said you wanted to talk right? This is me talking.” Playing innocent had never been a good thing to do with him, but I couldn’t help it. It was a fight between me and the bitch, and unless he pissed me off she was going to win.

“We could’ve talked over the phone to be honest.” he spat his hands moving back away from me and out of my space. Thankfully he did still hate it allowing me the chance to wake up a bit. I know this is going to sound dramatic, but I definitely felt like I could breathe a little easier now that we had a bit of space between us again. I still desperately wanted to reach out and touch him, but I knew that I couldn’t. It would give him the upper hand he didn’t need. Instead, I took another puff from the blunt letting the smoke fill my lungs and burn my throat before handing it back to him. I had chosen a bad time to start back smoking. It was hitting me harder than usual.

“The less evidence of this moment the better, right?” I repeated his words back to him. We stayed quiet for a moment more. He knew I was right, if this got out we’d both be fucked.

For a while we passed the blunt back and forth and just when it was almost gone he began rolling up another one. Maybe I wasn’t the only one being affected by simple presence and curiosity. Maybe I wasn’t the only one who needed a little help opening up.

“You know I don’t remember you being like this.”

“Like what?” I asked confused as to what he meant.

“Outspoken and vibrant. Don’t get me wrong, I always liked your personality, you were cool and everything. This is different though. I like this version of you too.”

“You never got the chance to meet this version of me and if I’m being honest, it’s all your fault.” I blurted. Well the filter was officially gone now.

“How so?” There was this kind of opening I had been waiting for and I didn’t know whether to question it out loud or just plainly state it without emotion. I wasn’t going to let the opportunity pass me by either though. Fidgeting with my fingers, I tried to calm myself as I let the words just slip from my slightly parted lips.

“Did you spread the rumors about me? That’s all I want to know. That’s all I really care about. Was it you?”

“I may have contributed to some because I was young and stupid and felt like I had to prove a point to motherfuckers, but I never started any. Nor did I spread them.” he continued explaining himself, but I had already zoned out. I was trying to focus on his expression and body language while processing his words. I needed to decide if I believed him or not before I let the bitch take control. I needed to know if he was telling me the truth, but it was pointless. There was no way in hell that I could know just by watching, but I admit this was a big step for us.

This was the furthest we had ever come on the matter and I was proud of him for that. It was a step in the right direction. An inch towards the final solution. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders as the admittance of the rumors he didn’t help floated to my ears. They weren’t good, but they were minor considering the others. Those I could deal with. Those didn’t help my image, but they didn’t completely shatter them either. I could feel the knot in twisting in my stomach as more confusion filled me.

I was thinking one thing.

My heart was feeling another.

My groin was telling me to ignore them both.

I wanted to maintain my composer for just a moment longer. This was still someone who knew all the rumors spoken about me. This could still be a trick; simply a set up by all the people who initially started all of this who had recruited him to come and try to seduce me just so they could prove how right they’d been all along.

Call me paranoid if you want, but it had happened before and no one could prove that it wouldn’t happen again. He was still just someone only coming to fake apologize to try to prove that you are the bully and they’re the victim. I slipped up once and I wasn’t going to do it again.

“Why are you here? Why this? Why now?” I blurted shocked by just how blunt I was being. This wasn’t me. I mean I was still holding back more than I should have been, but it still wasn’t like me. I knew for a fact that I could be ten times more blunt than I was, but I was shocked by the fact he was admitting as much as he was.

I was trying to focus on too many things at once and before I could help it, tears had started to slide down my cheeks. I did and didn’t know why I was suddenly crying. I felt extremely overwhelmed. By his presence. By what he made me feel. By the fact that he could still make me feel that way. By the sudden realization that I had been both wrong and right over the past. By the fact that so many years had passed over needless bullshit. It was all just too much and I felt like I was sinking in quicksand faster than I could catch myself.

“I just been thinking about you...about everything. I wanted to apologize, but I’m not going to sit here and lie. I wonder what it would’ve been like for us...sexually. We never really did anything. Not even a kiss. It was taken away from us by outside parties and I’m curious.” His hand was on my thigh now and I could feel the small vibrations radiating from it. “I never wanted to hurt you and honestly, I didn’t know about half the stuff that was going on. I’m sorry that you were harassed and I’m sorry that it was because of me that you felt like you couldn’t even talk to me about it. I still want you though Nikki. I can’t lie about that.”

“Why are you doing this Kris?” I cried. “Why now?”

“Because now is the only time you’ve ever been willing to talk to me about any of it.” He had a point. I hated him because of what I’d assumed he’d done. Hell up until the text I still hated him. When he asked to hangout for a few, I hated him, but I was thirsty for the chance to curse him out to his face. I still believed that I could hold a grudge, even though I kept constantly being proven otherwise.

None of this had gone to plan. I hadn’t meant for any of this to happen, but it had.

“I hated you. You hurt me, and you made me cry.” I sighed disgusted with myself. He was never supposed to see me this weak and broken.

“That was never my intention and I apologize that things got that far. You have to remember Nikki we were young and-”

“And you were ashamed to be with the ugly slut.” I sniffled just ready to run far away from him at this point.

“I didn’t care about any of that. Like I said I liked your personality. Together we vibe. You may not be the most attractive, but neither am I. I liked you Nikki.” He was saying all the things that I wanted to hear… needed to hear. I may have been confused about a lot of things, but I knew I felt nothing more than lust and betrayal from him. I opened my mouth to tell him that it was probably best that he left, but before I could his lips were pressed against mine.

I moaned unwillingly leaning more into the kiss, my hands coming up to caress his cheeks. I couldn’t stop my actions. My body wanted this and more even though my heart was crying and my mind was yelling about how stupid I was.

I didn’t care. I let myself kiss him.

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