Thoughs of a (un)toxic friendship

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Summary

Step back and take a second to breathe, is that person really worth all the trouble? This is a collection of my perssonal thoughts and experience with a friend (who is STILL in my life) and how I try to cope with all of this. (Therefore I cannot promise that my English is flawless since I am not a native speeker and some entries/updates might be in German as well)

Genre:
Other / Poetry
Author:
Stay strong
Status:
Ongoing
Chapters:
1
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
13+

04,06.2021

Quite frankly at some points every friendship needs to come to an end because I stopped believing in the once which supposedly last a lifetime.
I stopped believing in them because my former best friend became my worst enemy. Not in the way you might think right now but I’ve grown to not like them anymore, yet I am still with them because I am a people pleaser and I am too weak to let go. I’ve been friends with that person for around seven or eight years and the first time they hurt me so much that I wanted to end this friendship was six years ago.
So why am I still with them? If they make me feel terrible by just texting, why am I unable to cut them off?
Why am I too kind to finally listen to my fucking heart? Why do I lie not just to myself but also to you, when the only emotions I feel with that person are unsafe, hate and the wish to harm myself. THEY MAKE ME HARM MYSELF. I want them to leave me alone because even if I end up being completely alone, I’d still be better off than with them. Because I feel as though I’m suffocating when I am with them, I just hate it because no matter how hard I’d try I could never be myself when I’m with them and I don’t even like who I am with them around.
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