That’s a lie.
I know exactly why I’m still awake and not trying to go to sleep. I don’t know when it started, so long ago that I can’t even remember the last time I slept before 12am.
Every time I close my eyes hoping to get some amount of sleep, my brain interferes. I remember everything that I have kept suppressed throughout the years.
Every feeling, every emotion. It’s almost like I’m reliving the trauma.
Not to mention the stream of thoughts that never seem to end. Sometimes I just wonder what it’s like to be truly hap-
The short answer to my fucked up sleep schedule is that I’m an insomniac. Before you ask…
Yes I still do sleep
No I don’t take sleeping pills
Yes I do need professional help
No I am not okay
Any other questions?
I scroll through the apps on my phone until my finger lands on wattpad. Finally. For those of you who don’t know, my coping mechanism is wattpad.
It’s a problem.
By now I think I’ve read about 200 novels on wattpad maybe more maybe less. Let’s just say I have a lot of problems to cope for.
Taking a deep breath, I tell my brain to shut up and start reading.
I look up and the clock is glaring back at me.
It’s 4 am.
It feels like someone dropped bricks on my eyelids so I begrudgingly turn my phone off and set it down.
As I relax into the pillow and shut my eyes, lyrics of songs loop in my head. The songs are different everyday. It’s basically two songs mashed together, sometimes it’s not so bad but I can’t say it’s a cakewalk either.
Tonight’s songs are ‘people I don’t like’ by upsahl and ‘discord’ by the living tomb stones.
Hello it’s so good to see you
I curse the name, the one behind it all
We met before but nice to meet you
Discord I’m howling at the moon
Yeah I don’t really wanna be here right now, ah ah ah
And sleeping in the middle of a summer afternoon
Without realizing I drift off to sleep, where my nightmares await.
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