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That which drives the world

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A man ponders on his actions as he falls into his compulsive behavior creating the loop which he dreads.

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My precious ball

What is that which drives you? Why again? Where did I go wrong? These words have lost their meaning as once again they became abused compulsively without a second thought.
Loops are never ending.
I noticed this when I gained a speck of awareness through the sheer amount of loops I have gone through.
I get out of my pitiful state and a moment of brilliance strikes me as I become a dogged man with ambition but who am I to fool myself? The spark blew out as soon as it came and after that the urge came.
In this moment there is nothing in the world just me my room and my urge. I take the ball and hold it my hand. Once again? No I'd rather not. But then why is that I cannot put it down. It became harder to breathe the feelings of misfortune and adrenaline made it tremendously difficult to not bounce the ball.
This pain will go away if I bounce the ball.
This pleasure will pop into existence if I bounce the ball.
My thoughts race and there is no place for a rational decision as I bounce the ball. Nothing matters anymore this moment in time I wish
The ball bounces on the floor and makes its very distinctive sound as this room has the best to offer of any other instrument. The surface texture of the ball can be replicated but there is no such thing as rivaling the genuine article.
I catch the ball and I repeat.
I bounce the ball and I repeat.
Hours pass as I see the reflection of the blinding moonlight on the floor I became distracted for the first time and fail to catch the ball and the aftermath of it hearing that ball bounce more than once made me become discombobulated and afraid bringing life back to me as I pass out.
I awake from my slumber as I remember what I did yesterday and the pain hits. The flame sparks. I must change. But it is extinguished as quickly as it came.

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Further Recommendations

Jennifer Leigh Anne Ciliska: Loved it!! Thank you for sharing your story with me

Leyla-Claude: Really enjoying this. Read book 2 first but glad reading this one.

Zee: So after I read into the cold I couldn’t help it I just knew I had to read more from you … I was enamored by how good you write and I’m so happy I read this one also and I am still going to read more from you cus your books are too good 😊 🔥🔥🔥🔥….. I was hooked and I just wanted to know what next u...

Sara: A great story! I look forward to more chapters and updates to this one.

Jerome: the story is so pretty but fuck hunter's parents And classmates HEHEHEH IT'S CUTE AND I LOVE IT 💗💗💗I also love alex because he accepted hunter and also took care of him trans rights are human rights

joblync1: I loved this book as well as the rest I have read. The characters are so relatable and you can get lost in their lives. I hope the series will continue for a little while longer I am not ready to say goodbye yet and would love to read about the MC babies as adults.

luckyaktern: loving this story so far..❤️interesting

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Liz : I like this story but I like of them. I wish you could do one of the boys as they return and get back to life with mom and Dom. Them falling in love with a special girl or guy. I think with the way you write it would be amazing.

Angela Lafferty: I read black sails first and then came back and read the rest. I just started the first book on Wednesday and now (Friday) I am completely done with the series that you have up for both clubs. It has been sooo good that I have not wanted to put my phone down. I have cried with the characters, lau...

maggiev8mv: I enjoyed book 1, book 2 freaking loved it. A tad predictable, but the writing style and storytelling skills made up for it. Thank you for sharing your story!!! Now Book 3!!

lisamariedent: Love this story great characters

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