Write a Review

Various Letters for Various Reasons

All Rights Reserved ©

Summary

A collection of letters and reflections of my own complicated life.

Genre:
Other / Poetry
Author:
Howl_Anderson
Status:
Ongoing
Chapters:
1
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
16+

A Letter to the Girl I Should Have Loved

This is a letter for a girl I should have loved but never did. On July 21, 1997 a girl named L Anderson was born. As of July 21, 2021 L is dead. Though to be honest I question whether she was ever real. Perhaps she was a painting with too many mismatched colors — none of which she picked on her own.

Dear L,

I’m finally giving up your name. Your beautiful, sad, and loving name. I love telling the story of how our mother wanted us to have a fancy French spelling. So she threw an unnecessary “gh” at the end.

By the time I finish this letter you might already be dead. When you go you’ll die mad at me. On our 24th birthday I will abandon you. I’ll start the long process of scrubbing your name off our body. I’m sorry that I have to do this. I’m sorry I lied to you by saying we both can exist.

Please believe me when I tell you I don’t want to get rid of you (not anymore at least). It’s not fair how short your life shall be. It’s not fair that your life was mostly pain. It’s not fair you loved me more than we ever loved you. I’m sorry you’ll die alone with no closure. I’ll do my best to seek it for you, so when I die I can spend eternity with you. There in an everlasting life I can hold you like a child and I’ll allow you to act as such.

I’m sorry for not letting you cry enough when we were younger. To be fair we share a heart full of glass shards. When we get too emotional our heart swells causing pieces of glass to thrust out. They go all over our lungs and throughout our veins. With every sniffle our body gets shredded, and we bleed for days. We can’t ask for help because only I notice the hemorrhage. You keep moving like it’s nothing.

It’s been a habit of yours since we were kids. While bleeding and crying you kept moving. Some may call it honorable. However you never did anything to heal. Our wounds would clot, get infected, and scar. I hated you for years because you never did anything to solve the issue. In fact I believed you were the cause our problems, not a victim of our problems.

It wasn’t until I scrolled through our old photos and realized for most our life you were a child. A child left under the care of a mother — who shouldn’t have been a mother. You were also a child with me developing inside of you. I confused the shit out of you. During our childhood I was just emotions. Thoughts you were told were wrong, disgusting, and an abomination. I was feelings with no description.

Do you remember when we first learned I wasn’t just feelings, but rather a complex identity? I don’t think you expected me to take the forefront of your life. I be lying if I told you I wasn’t planning this all along. Maybe you should’ve taken the gay agenda warning more seriously.

Now here we are parting on a bittersweet note. ( I imagine it’s more bitter for you than sweet.) If it makes you feel better, I will still have to use your name after your death. Changing your name legally is a long and annoying process, also let’s be real, our family will always call me by your name. Our family is — well you know — our family.

Besides I’m fresh to this world. Your name gives me comfort. It’s like a large warm blanket that’s too heavy and too hot. It gives me a rash, but it’s blanket I hold onto when life reminds me of memories I rather forget.

… I don’t know how I should end this letter. I hate saying goodbyes because goodbyes mean I’m going to be alone. However I’m not you, so I’ll be strong enough to set a boundary between us. For one last time I would like to say; I am sorry, so very sorry, for not loving you.

Goodbye L M. Anderson.

Love,

Howl M. Anderson

Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

sera tupou: I like the content of the story and I've recommend to my friends who loves reading like I do and I rated it as how I love it.

Annelie: 10/10 The best book so far. I loved it.

Ben: First off, as someone who is 38 and gay ftm at over 15 yrs this is very accurate emotionally. In early to mid 2000s as a teen I thankfully had great parents and sister and spouse at that time but that deep hatred, loathing, and disgusting looks is why I had to wait until 19 to even start the proc...

Maree: It’s good so far need to read more to get a understanding

dtjenkins5: A good read with all the complexities of relationships. The twists and turns of the plot add a special dimension.

Nisha: So good! Love Seth and Sadie. Goodness, she put up with a lot before him! Great read

2jlynn: Love this series! The action, suspense, the chemistry of those in the MC makes this series flow. Am eager to read the next book, but know the sooner I complete a book the sooner the series ends. Not thrilled with this ending, but have no doubt this series will be read a couple times!

Annie Kay: The dirt bag behavior with Marcus and erica was annoying and this story was amazing. The relationship development wasn't over time but more over rushed at the end and erica should have lost her relationship with Marcus when he started to be kind to his wife. It was a good story.

2jlynn: Cannot imagine all that went on in Annalisa had going on in her life the past 2 years... then to top it off with her dad stepping in taking care of everything her an Eagle would need yet expecting nothing in return. Yes, it's a book, but nothing can stop the dreaming.

More Recommendations

2jlynn: How can people do such horrible things... especially to the innocent? My heart hurts thinking of what is reality for some individuals. My life may not be "storybook", but comparatively speaking, there is nothing to complain about.

Lisa: Love all your book series and all the men and women. Excellent writing

Diane: This is a good read. Be careful of reiterating the books previously written.

suzipuzi: will you continue with the story. very good book

About Us

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered publisher, providing a platform to discover hidden talents and turn them into globally successful authors. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books our readers love most on our sister app, GALATEA and other formats.