So here I am writing..about what?
Honestly I don’t know.
But I’ll figure it out.
I wish I had some friends. Real friends. So I could talk about everything going inside my head. Without thinking about being judged or hearing that “you’re worrying about nothing” “there are worst things out there” like I don’t know the reality of this shitty world.
Sometimes I hate myself. I really feel like life is a burden. I didn’t asked to be born!!! I never said I want to be a part of this society!!!!
Here I am. Trying my best to fit to into this society. I hate it.
I don’t know how I started to hate my own existence. Sometimes I wonder about that quote “love yourself “ but how? What is there to love? What is even there to hate? I’m just a normal human being. Why do I have to constantly remind that I need to love myself? I need to choose myself?
What is wrong with me?
Honestly I don’t know about that either. I wish I were a different person. Good at everything bad at nothing. The one that makes her parents proud. One that headstrong and independent women who don’t need anyone other than herself. Who wants to “love herself .”
I don’t know where life is taking me but I hope it would be end soon. I know this is not the first time nor it is the last time I’m having these thoughts. Because these are the only things that was consistent in my life.
Sometimes I feel motivated.. motivated and hopeful about future. But sometimes I don’t want a future. Too scared to be alone in the future too. I know sad reality of life “you’re born alone you’ll die alone.”
Everything is sad today. Sad and boring. I wish everything will end soon.Don’t wanna live and worrying about future like I always do. Too much work too much pressure.
Do you ever feel you’re bored and then you’re sad and bore? Lost maybe?
I feel that all the time. I have so much work to do but I can’t even concentrate even for 5 minutes without being distracted. I’m tired all the time. And that’s a very dangerous trio that can led you to kill yourself.
In the end everyone has to die.