"How do you do it?" She said as she flung her arm onto her bestfriends shoulder playfully. "How are you always the best at everything? I mean look at you, everything you persue is always a success, share the secret, won't you?" They both laughed at her exaggeration.
She wasn't wrong though, Semira's life did seem picture perfect. As perfect as she made it appear, of course. "A magician never reveals it's secret, now does it, my friend?" She told her easygoing and not so bright friend. They both laughed at her words. "Okay, okay. Let's go smoke a joint my "overachieving friend" Laura said as she reached for the blunt she had kept in her school blazer.
"Now your talking, gimme now bra." Sam said grabbing it so fast it nearly tore. "Easy stoner, easy" They both laughed and headed off to thier secret place of smoking.
Smoke gathered inside the tiny room, this, this was they're happy place. They discovered this room together but it meant more to Semira than it did to Laura. To her it was more than just a place for smoking, it was her sanctuary, her little heaven on earth, it was her only safe space. No one knew about this, not even her stoner of a bestfriend, she didn't think it went that deep.
Semira passed the blunt to Laura then slouched in her chair and rested her head on the wall, facing upwards. She gave a laud sigh and looked out the window. "Why do you always do that?" Laura asked as she looked at her bestfriend hooped-up. "Do what?" She asked giving a little laugh that sounded more nervous than than should be but Laura did notice that. "That thing you were doing just now." Semira looked blankly at her, "what thing?" "That thing where you smoke a joint, slouch in your chair, sigh then look out the window." "I do that?" Semira asked knowing very well that she does do that everytime. "Yeah, you do. You do it all the time."
"I don't know" she said as though physically shrugging the question off her shoulders. "We all do weird things when we're high, right?" "True" Laura said giving out a little giggle as she lit the second blunt. Semira just went back to her dozing out the window, "I miss you" she thought. She couldn't help but think about this whenever she was high, it's like the leash that had tied down all her depressing thoughts become loose when she had a joint.
Causing her both pain and yet somehow peace. It reminded her of what she didn't have but also brought her acceptance of the fact that she never will have it. It confused her but she was okay with it, she hated this feeling but it's all she knew. She didn't know how to be happy, how to love herself and yet she was okay with all of this.
"Let's go back to class now, that teacher is probably asking about our whereabouts now" Semira said looking at her stoned friend. "Okay, let's go." They both started walking back to class and on their way they chewed a few breath mints and sprayed on way to much perfume.
Semira walked in first and everyone could tell she had smoked, again. For the third time today. A few of them giggled the rest have her dirty looks of disapproval. She couldn't care less, she was happy, in pain yes but happy nonetheless. Laura followed in shortly after Semira, they didn't even bother to give the teacher they're badly thought-out excuses, they just walked straight to they're places in the back. "Another one?" Nelly asked looking at Semira with mixed emotions (astonished & worried) "
Yes, another one" she said laughing louder then she had realized. The class stared at her, it wasn't the first time she had done this, they do this everyday but it just seemed to amaze them how gutsy these two were but what amazed them more is the fact that Semira passed almost every class with flying colours. That also probably the reason why the teachers had never spoken out about this, they probably told themselves "as long as her grades don't drop then we've got no complaints" They just looked at her and hoped she'd change her ways.
That was like praying for a miracle in all honesty, she was already in way too deep. It was not just her lungs that were getting destroyed, she felt like the feeling of loneliness and grief was also being slowly destroyed by the weed. It was her only coping mechanism. The only solution available for her, well the easiest way she thought. No judgement, no explanations, nothing. It listened to her, as stupid as it all sounded but it really did listen to her.
"You wanna go somewhere after school?" Semira asked Laura as she does everyday, and Laura's answer was the same as every other day, "yeah sure." So they went for a smoke after school and Semira came back to wait by the school gate for her driver whilst Laura went to catch the 4pm bus. "Your so stoned!" Her transport mates said laughing at the state she was in.
She just looked at them with a blank expression on her face. She could hear they're words and yet she didn't understand anything they were saying. She knew how horrifying she look at the moment but couldn't care less. She was happy, that's all that mattered, right?
They're driver arrives, she opens the boot and throws her bag inside then drags herself into the car. " Good Afternoon" she thought. In her mind she had actually said it but in reality the words had never left her lips.
The drive back home was quiet one, which seemed very strange to her but she couldn't be less bothered by that. She was in her own little world, everyone else could see that and they found it to be humourous. They just stared at her and broke out into an uncontrollable laughter.
"Where have you been, I've stayed up so many nights crying for you, didn't you care? Don't you miss me? Us? Don't you care about us?" She thought looking out the window. Suddenly the expression on her face changed and everyone else could notice that. A tear runs down her face, another one followed.
"I haven't seen any of my siblings since you left, I wonder how they must look by now. Does Sarah still look like me? Does she still have my lips? Does Sandy still have a manly voice? Junior, does he still look like the lighter version of you? These are all questions I've asked myself for the past couple of years. Never to get an answer..." At this point her uniform was soaked in the tears that fell from her cheeks but she was unaware of this.
"Are you okay?" Nelly asked looking worriedly at her friend who was drenched in tears. "Mhmmm?" She said looking as though she had been brought back from a far away land. "Are you okay? Why are you crying?" "I'm crying? Ahhh I don't know..." She sounded nervous but Nelly didn't want to keep pressuring her so she didn't utter another word.
They're by the gate of Nelly's house, she jumps off. "Bye hun" She said giving a gentle smile to Semira. There were a few moments of silence. "Bye" she said with a blank expression. Her eyes filled with sorrow.
Now only Ruby, Semira and the driver were left, the atmosphere was tense. No one dared to say anything. Everyone minded they're own business. "Ouch!" Ruby screamed in an attept to start some sort of conversation between the three of them. Not a word was said, not a single eyelid was batted, not one head turned in concern.
It was though nothing happened. She looked at Semira, it was so unlike her to just ignore her, something big was up. She wouldn't dare ask her what's wrong, it wasn't her place. She just hoped that whatever it is, it'll soon pass and that Semira's smile would be back by tomorrow.
Finally, they arrived at Semira's house. She quietly got off, walked to the boot and took her bag. She shut the door of the boot a bit to violently but it wasn't the first time anyway. She walked to her gate without turning to wave goodbye. He drove off, she stood at the gate and took a deep breath before walking in. "Here goes nothing." She thought.