Tonight, I feel like I have found a fortune!
Since I was 8 years old, I used to draw an eye all the time in my books and notebooks, even my classmates know about this. I used to draw A LOT of them unconsciously even if I loathed it! Whoever sat next to me used to ask me about the reason, and believe me, no one knew, not even me! Thus, tonight is a big night. Tonight is the night when I got the answer to all of my juvenile questions and wonders. I cannot label my joy to you right now. It is like a clandestine; a locked door and I finally found the key. Nevertheless, I thank my friend because she was one of the reasons that made me realize it tonight.
“The eyes Chico, they never lie.”
Now I can totally sense this estimation. I have heard about it a lot, but I never thought about it as something that I related my life to: Somehow, I realized that most of the beginnings of my friendships, my issues and everything in my daily life is related to my green eyes: Reason why you are reading now this masterpiece: A WORLD THROUGH GREENY EYES.
A lot of my relationships and friendships started with “I LOVE YOUR EYES”, “YOUR EYES ARE SO UNIQUE”! Most of the times, I have wondered if my eyes were brown or darker, would it be the same? Would I receive the same compliment? Will I be treated the same or loved the same?
I question people but for sure they would lie and tell you: OF COURSE YES. But I never believed that. I overthink a lot about it, and I found out that most people loved my eyes more than they loved the real me. They loved how I look maybe, but not how I talked, not how I think, not how I live. Deep down, it is supposed to hurt me. But for real I feel nothing but only shame and pity.
I pity whoever had bad intentions from the first day we became friends. I even remember that some people used to define me or even introduce me to their friends as the girl who has the beautiful green eyes. Some teachers used to confuse me with other girls who have the same name that I have but they would remember me and memorize me, they would always tell me that they can recognize me clearly from my eyes.
Once, when I had a coffee with the same friend whom I have been chatting with tonight, I went to the bathroom and a girl followed me and approached me saying: Are you the one who have AUTUMNGIRL’s Instagram? I agreed, then she said, I have recognized you from your eyes they are so beautiful by the way. And YES, as you have heard, since it was Corona virus era, I was wearing my mask and she has recognized me AGAIN from my eyes. Countless of other stories that I might write a whole chapter about it too but I am not someone who memorizes everything that much sadly, otherwise I would be pleased to show people how silly it is to recognize someone or approach them just because of their eyes color, hair color, skin color or WHATEVER.
Last but not least, I have never considered my eyes as special, I never considered deep down people’s comments as compliments but the fact that the attention was always on my eyes, it was huge and uncomfortable to feel. People would look me straight to the eyes and to no other feature on my face, even people used to tell me that obviously. When I grew up, I realized how much people used to think that my eyes have a unique color and that “they have a story to tell, they shine bright like galaxies”, as someone I used to know before during my teenage years wrote about it a post: “Her eyes were like galaxies”. I never thought that I would find the right book cover any sooner, but somehow it felt like God’s guidance. I am having signs recently about a lot of things in my life related to my future but tonight, I found the right way, the right cover and the right words to write about this beautiful “coincidence”! The title and the cover have a story to tell, but not my eyes. I never write any word or draw anything that is non sense. I exist, I have a story to convey and this book will be my floor, this book will be my letter to the world. A lot of people who used to know me used to tell that I have been writing a book since I was young but they would never know what it is about or when will it ever be published. Somehow, neither do I! It is something that took years and years of lettering, editing, picking the right colors, cover and story. It might look easy to some, but once you try it, you will see how hard it is and how many struggles you might face that will stop you from publishing it as soon as you want.
FINALLY, I can say it out loud that this day has come and I AM FINALLY A WRITER!
This dream has been in my heart since I was a little kid. I would be in my room, closing my eyes, imagining how my life would be as a writer, surrounded by papers, books, ideas, art, creation, awards, positive fame, and happiness. I used to smile unconsciously, I used to have chills and I used to believe it deep down, it felt real!
NOW, it is real: Part of it is real.
Tonight, I totally got the point of drawing infinity of eyes everywhere when I was a kid. Tonight I understood that my eyes speak, they have their own language and only a few people used to understand them. They used to know the real deep me. The majority of people didn’t want to dig deeper into my soul, they just know the surface or what I want to show thinking that they know me, but they actually know nothing. I might be full of surprises and full of mystery. But if I have left you and you thought that I had no reason, think twice! I never act upon nothingness; I act upon what my EYES have finally realized! YOUR TRUTH.
Dear whoever is reading this; please stop telling me that my eyes are beautiful, and instead try to see what’s inside of them. My eyes can send you signs that my mouth will never tell. Don’t be mesmerized by the way I look, but be enthralled by the way I act.
You have a whole book to read already so I won’t bother you with a long preface.
PS: Any gra
Some Mistakes are made on purpose
First of all, I would be no where without God’s guidance; I wouldn’t be publishing this book neither this grateful in my life! I am always thankful to all the blessings I have and I will always be. Thank you God.
I want to thank shortly everyone who helped me circulate this book and especially “Imen Khessib”, the one who made the book cover, thank you for making my thoughts into art and into the wanted picture. I am forever thankful.
Dear parents, thank you for being my number one supporters. You have always tried to be here for me when everyone left me down; you have helped me through ups and downs as much as you could. Your support means the world to me, morally and financially. May God protect you to me. I love you millions. Same shout out goes to my dearest siblings; my sister and brother. I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH!
Dear my one and only, you were a total shift in my life that made things easier for me, that changed me completely to the best, the one who made me value myself more, push forward and believe in my infinite capacities. I would never ever forget all the beautiful things we had together. May we remain as graceful as we are. I wouldn’t push this hard if you were not there. You were always my top priority and the first name on the list, and you will always be: Forever grateful to your courage, your support, your vast love and belief in this person that lost her direction somewhere on the road. Thank you for guiding me through thick and thin. This book is also a big THANK YOU, I dedicate this for you.
Moreover, I would like to thank my own self, myself that struggled a lot to keep going, myself that believed on its capacities and flows. I want to thank my soul, my body and my brain that resisted all the fights and mixed emotions I had to go through in order to create this chef-d’oeuvre. I had to go through a lot, handle a lot of emotional and physical pain that most people think it was dramatic. I had to keep believing in myself and believe that my feelings and pain are valid. They are NOT DRAMA. And in this occasion, I would like to ask people and family members to feel each other’s, otherwise please keep quiet and stop blaming and shaming whoever is in pain thinking that they are queens of drama or seeking attention. We do not need your attention neither you empathy, we need silence and loneliness if you cannot help, just be silent.
Lastly, dear best friends (They know who they are); pushing me forward and sheering me up were so much appreciated. I had friends who used to read some spoilers and they used to boost my confidence and made me love my writings more and believe that this day will come. You left such a memorable impact on me and I will never forget any word or gesture you have made to make me push forward and never stop trying over and over. My resilience was innate but you made it present whenever I lost it. Thanks for existing, thanks for staying by my side despite it all. You had to struggle to stay by my side, I know I am moody, but I am also capable of so much love in my heart and you know this truly. I love you endlessly. That is why, my first chapter is about friends.