Chapter 13: What Are You Looking For
It seems like everyone is searching for something and looking at me one way or another. So as I say, I am here and yes, I am blessed by our Creator with the spirit and I am thankful to have received such a gift from our Father in heaven and our Savior, so I try to mind my behavior. I am by far not perfect. I have my faults, but I do give him praise and raise him above this mess that I see that surrounds me and tries to pound me down. I won’t be deceived! It can’t be stolen or taken, no faking in me. I’m not giving up or giving it away as I give him praise and raise my head up and say do not play these games as it shames you, him, and me. I have maintained my cool because I am not a fool and don’t make me one, because I have no fear of you and I will protect that
which he has given me by any means necessary.
I do not wish to have you buried in a casket or blow a gasket for the shit that you do. I have not done a thing to harm you, but you twist and pull, pick and pry, so as I ply my
trade, I warn you of these things. I see and hear innuendoes and such, and as I begin to nip things in the bud for the crude, respect is given, not earned, but if you give me a reason to not respect you, then I will not as this hell grows hot for the antics and games. I grow tired of biting my tongue and holding back these words that need to be said. I let it out in one way or another rather than smothering my brother or sister as I mold these words.
I’m free to say and pray each and every day in one way or another, asking my Father in heaven to forgive me for my own indiscretions. I say to you as you seem to know what you do, watch your mouth—your snickering, whispering, and judging. Do you wish for me to be judge and jury as my fury is forthwith and coming? If you continue in such a manner like I said earlier, you do not wish me to be like Bruce Banner and let my anger go. I could begin from the bottom to the top and back again, back to front, and vice versa. So many angles in this tangled web you weave to deceive. The gift I have received is a blessing, not a curse.
So many cultures; so many breeds, and it is one deed that planted one seed, that opened gate which allow hate and greed to take root in your soul as I watch it grow from a distant place. I can read you at a glance. You are transparent like glass in your expressions or words. You think I do not hear in truth. I could be blunt and say you can kiss it. Who the hell are you to judge? You think you are better or have the right? So should I have the same? Looking at me, as if you
have the authority, did you try to be civil like I have? I have said, hi, how are you doing? Can I help you? What is wrong?
Being ignored by a lot, but the few that knows me and talk to me knows my mannerism and how kind and helpful I try to be. You stare and smirk, whisper and judge, saying slick things out the side of your neck, thinking you are cute when you are not. Quite a few of you think it’s funny or a game. In truth, you should be ashamed. The nerves to claim things or the gall you know who you are. The bad saying ones or the snicker and the not much love and blessing ones.
We wonder why our world is being torn asunder as we blunder or why so many lose their minds or way in this day and age. If you walked a mile in my shoes, you probably would have been dead by now by your own hand. Do you honestly believe the true Creator of the entire splendor and wonder what you see every day when you open your eyes and truly look would condone such or support any of these snickers, whispers, or actions of disgust from any faction that aimlessly destroys life that is precious? Let me stop here and say, whether you believe or not, that I continue to pray. Open your eyes as the days are numbered. For the hate and ignorance I see astounds me, and the world teeter-totters on the edge for the crimes committed around the globe as more and more turn away from the truth and light of our Creator, who is greater than you or me from equator to equator in the entire universe, alpha and omega. You ask why all the woes and the lack of belief and faith grows at an astounding rate
while the lack of values and morals and respect rises and you believe this is it.
I wish you the best as you test and jest only yourselves in these last days as I watch the wicked ways continue. The big bang theory of evolution is the pollution of the truth as it takes a balance of all to make it work and not chance or luck as some would have us believe look at the design of it all. I tell you that is proof enough in the Creator as what is needed for life to exist and maintain its existence, so believe what you will. I will not be deceived by any. As I give praise to our Creator and my Savior for who I am, what I am, and what I will be.