Chapter 5: Misplaced Love
How can you claim to love me when you choose actions that cause me pain? Saying that I am the only one for you has proven to be untrue. Hidden secrets that produce
darker lies that easily break the ties of love we once shared. One fleeting moment or two of weakness that lead to a minute of lust that destroyed our bond of trust now when
I see you, I am filled with disgust for how I misplaced my trust, thinking that you cared, but finally realizing that you were never truly there. Like a fading dream that slips away at the waking of dawn, eventually to be forgotten, is how I wish that part of my life could so easily be erased. But then, when I am faced with the same situation, I would be unaware and blind, so I find that to have learned about the games that can so easily be played and the lies that are easily told on the tip of the tongue may have at one time caused me pain.
But to have gained a better perspective and stronger grip upon my own feelings and emotions no longer drowning in
an ocean of uncontrollable grief or sorrow for a love I thought was forever, I can now hold a firm grip on the reigns of my life, no longer living with strife or raging emotions. I am traveling upon the right path, being able to laugh once again through the sorrow, knowing there is a better and brighter tomorrow in my grasp as my goals and dreams come to light.
God has blessed me in his infinite might and wisdom, and for that, I am forever grateful to our Creator and my Savior as I look for my queen while entering this scene. I am lean, not mean, clean, and starving, so as I begin carving a piece of this pie, the so-called American dream for this dream or dollar,
I do not holler but will have my fill as I take hold and mold these words like clay and pray I find the one I can hold dear and near to my heart. As I part these waves and crave to be free of this misery, I see surrounding everyone due to greed, lust, envy, and jealousy for what another has. I thank the Lord in heaven for guiding me and providing me whatever I have needed and have heeded my own greed, trying to pay heed to his laws and asking for forgiveness when I fall ever so short.
At my victory to escape this misery, refusing to let my warm heart get any colder, I begin to switch gears with no fears year after year, watching beers poured out for lost peers as I clear my mind and find my voice to speak out while seeking out the one for me. Who could she be as I am tired of the trickery and games because I am a king looking for my true queen in these last days of lost values and morals that it is sickening? I care for a true union, me and you, under God,
not fraud chosen by God to be a caretaker, not a faker but a nurture of creation, not a destroyer like so many nations.
As I take it slow and grow this feeling, so intoxicating while invigorating, there is no debating whether there are no challengers as it is a gift from above not to be bought, fought or sold. I thank him and praise him always, our Creator, Father and Savior! So any so-called competition, I could with ease one squeeze after another, letting lose my pain to gain a grip won’t slip as I dip thru, giving praise to our Savior and Creator always and forever.
Taking flight with no fright to heights, none could have ever dreamed or imagined. I have seen and experienced things that have amazed me to his presence and grace and so have others on my journey with me. Slowly realizing the trials and tribulation I have gone through to mold me into the man I am today and no remorse for the pain, for I have gained so much from each and every situation to have learned my lesson and gained such a blessing in return.