Carmen Thinking… The sound inside a seashell part 1

All Rights Reserved ©

Chapter 10: I MISS MY NAUGHTY BABY APRIL 6, 2012 AT 6:23PM

May 13, 2014

Just to hear your voice
To chase you around the house
To look for my slippers and know you hid them
To look for your bottle and know you hid that too

To say “stop it Arden!”
To hear you sing “hallelujah”
To see you dance
Or try to climb onto the coffee table

I miss my naughty baby
And I can’t wait to see her,
Smiling back at me


WAKE ME UP FROM THIS NIGHTMARE… APRIL 6, 2012 AT 1:00AM

May 13, 2014

So I can feel again
I died tonight
A million times
But nothing makes this alright
Every time I look at her little face
I am crying as I thank God for Grace
And still broken
As I ask why
Why Arden?
How could this possibly be?
Covered in bandage
Laying beside me
Not the face of my little girl
A face that brings on the worst pain in my world

You face will heal
You will be you again
But I can never forgive me


HOW DOES A BROKEN HEART SOUND? SHOULD YOU LISTEN?

May 13, 2014

How does a broken heart sound? What do hear when love is knocked to the ground? You can strain your ear. You will never know and will never hear…

It is simple. Happiness has the sound of laughing children in park, of finding light after the dark. While sadness is silence, a hollowness, a bitterness, an emptiness… And yet we make it come alive with our mourning…

Why give a voice to heartbreak, when it deserves none! Why not count blessings? Its much fun.

Try it. Celebrate every good thing. Dance for every little joy. Soon the tears will be forgotten, the hurts colors will pale, and the plan of the devil to depress you, will once again fail…
Rejoice in The Lord


FORGOTTEN AND FORGOTTEN

May 13, 2014

Forget me Replace me you think nothing of me of me.
How beautiful
No longer pitiful
A life imagined without me

Let me die and die and die
And let everyone escape
Let me break free from me so that you can no longer see

And its funny
So funny
The pain I show is minimal
You have no idea what my body has put me through
You can’t imagine
It doesn’t matter to you

And its okay
Please walk away
Misery is not the fragrance I want share
You are not there
You are not there

And by forgetting me,
I forget me too
I forget the pain
But never you


A STAR IN THE SKY, THE ENTIRE GALAXY, ALBAN

May 13, 2014

It is as though I have never seen a star in the sky and you went and showed me the galaxy…

How do I thank you?
How do I ever love you enough?

My heart grown, it is bigger than it has ever been. You have made me love beyond what I ever knew anyone could love and I realize the love I have for you has no conditions. Even when we don’t agree, I still love you, even when times are hard I still like you. And I do like you. I love you as friend, husband, lover, father of my daughter but I like you too. I like you because you are a good man. You are kind. You are funny. You can be so grumpy and yet so loving. You are a perfectionist but you never ever judge. You are smart and you are gorgeous but there is no vanity about you.

You have shown me the galaxy and you smile at me like you have done nothing.

I could never love you enough, but I will try
With everyday God gives me, Alban I will try


A MILLION SUNSETS IN A SINGLE DAY… NEVER NEVER PUSH A GIRL TOO FAR

May 13, 2014

a million sunsets in a single day & you sit & watch your light slowly fade away, without question & you ask me, you ask me why? don’t you remember? the words I said, the “empty” threats the fact that I said it would end up this way & you ask me, you ask me why? I tell you yes I remember, I just don’t care anymore


GIVE ME A DREAM TO DREAM

May 13, 2014

Monday, 26 December 2011
give me a day to dream give me a day to dream & I will spend it dreaming of you… give me some time to think & you are all I will think about…
life is just a shadow & you are my reflection love is just an emotion & you are the truth have you ever loved so much that the sun wouldn’t set & the sweetest day you could never forget am still in love not like loving forever but like I just met you today& every single day give me a day to dream & I will surely spend it dreaming of you…


EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL

May 13, 2014

the pain hovers over my head. a blanket of despair that I cant shrug off. & this is not mine alone & that is a tragedy

WONDERINGS OF MY MIND ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER TIME & WONT REWIND. SEEING PITY IN FACES & HATE IN UNFAMILLAR PLACES. YOU ASK

May 13, 2014

&
you
ask
some
more
but
you
don’t
know
what
your
asking
for.
you
watch
the
sky

&

you
cant
unthink
it
so
do
not
try

live


& I FADE AWAY. I FORGET WHAT REMEMBER & I FADE AWAY. LIKE ICE MELTING. LIKE NOONE WAS EVER HERE. & ITS TRUE

May 13, 2014

as
so
few
things
are
true

you can spread a million lies about me
&
they can all believe every single one

but
I
KNOW
&
you
fade
away


YOU WONT GO UNDER & THE ENEMY CANT WIN; HE LOST LONG AGO. LOOK AT YOUR TRIAL & SEE IT FOR WHAT IT REALLY IS…

May 13, 2014

Not the red sea,
Not a lion
&
Not a giant.
if God could save the Israelites’,
Daniel & David.
why not you?
why not me?


B-E-L-I-E-V-E

& ONLY ONE THING WOULD MAKE THIS MOMENT BETTER & THAT IS YOU. I HOLD YOUR LITTLE VEST TO MY FACE & BREATHE YOU IN

May 13, 2014

November 15, 2011 at 7:19pm
the longing to hold you in my arms,
the need to hear your voice,
I miss you Arden with all that is within me…


WRAP ME UP IN THE SKY & SPRINKLE THE STARS IN MY HAIR. OUR LOVE IS MORE AMAZING & HAVING EACH OTHER IS EVERYTHING…

May 13, 2014

the sun shines through the rain.
there is no healing without pain.
it is the love we have that NOONE can ever break
the love we make
the risks we take
we will give up our all
for its sake…


BEING BROKEN HEARTED IS BETTER THAN BEING A HEART BREAKER..

May 13, 2014

void
the best word for it is
void
void of feeling
void of life

she stirs an empty cup of coffee
she leans on a table with no legs
and even as she hits the floor…
even as she breaks…

she looks out the window and see’s nothing
she cuts her arm and feels nothing
and even as her body gets weaker…
even as she cuts deeper

some people are stronger
but others,
others are just emptier, more accustomed to being lonelier than most
some
are
void

and it hurts to know
that you may have made someone that way…


THE DIFFICULT GIRL HE CAN’T COMMIT TO BUT ALSO WON’T LET GO OF…

May 13, 2014

I ride the clouds
I fall with the rain
I promise after my kiss
you will never be the same
I lean in close and then
pull away fast
I do so good with temporary
but just can’t make things last
my own best friend
only I understand me
but at the best of times I know
I am my own worst enemy
can’t control it
can’t control me
that’s why you look
only at what you see
but if for a minute you explored the depths
that my heart can give
you will never know the meaning
you will never know how to live

I ride alone
even in your arms
I ride alone


A STROLL ON TOP OF THE WORLD… LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW OF THE WILDEST WILDEST DREAMS…

May 13, 2014

while he ignores her
she stares out the window
while he plays games
she makes plans
silence isn’t submission
silence is suspicious
but they just don’t see
while they believe they are in control
while they expect a private show
she is singing along to PINK
and dancing like the girls in their dreams

the most dangerous thing is a girl underestimated
the biggest heartbreakers carry their own shattered hearts in their pockets…


WELL THATS THE LAST TIME I LISTEN TO TONI BRAXTON AT WORK..

May 13, 2014

I like her music
I like the girl I saw on the reality show
but my oh my
chick you just depressed me
here I was singing along to the Tings Tings
Yes, that’s not my name
and now I’m ready to jump the building
unbreak my heart
how could an angel break my heart
too deep
too much emotion
you just broke my heart with a song woman
good music
good singer
but I ban you from my desk lady
I just deleted those songs from iTunes saying
“well that’s the last time I listen to toni braxton at work..


THE TREASURE I LOOKED FOR, WAS NOT BEHIND THE DOOR

May 14, 2014

I’m sitting in a foreign place
but it feels like home
I am looking at my skin
and finally its my own
as I survey the damage
of the whole worlds confusion
I lay back and read
your deep dark confession
how little I cry
how much I smile
you don’t even say
its been awhile

the girl that shone in the light
the girl that made your world bright
right now you don’t even see
you talk right through me
walk right through me
never ever see me
but I see me

I see me in a cave
I see me in the ocean
I see me being loved
like I have never been loved before…


OH THE JOYS OF BEING ME…

May 14, 2014

the world shouldn’t have a problem with drought
not if my eyes have anything to do with it
I cry until I find the end of myself
and then I cry a little more for effect
those moments of pure despair
you said you loved me…
hello hello
are you even there?
I cry for children
I cry for lost ones
I cry for you
I cry for every single one
I struggle to catch my breath
as I weep
I struggle to get to my feet…

but when you look at me,
you will see a smile
and here a laugh
they sing
everybody hurts
everybody cries
sometimes…
but don’t tell you that some of us just aren’t allowed too


SO THERE IS YOUR ANSWER…

May 14, 2014

I imagined without me
I imagined a life for others
a life much more easy
I thought of much detail would be gone
if simply forever I was just gone
and however wrong
however very very wrong
it brought me peace
as I imagined shaking off this life into the next
imagined just giving up and stop giving my best
I knew I would bring sadness
but deep down we all know
what follows is relieve
the constant burden
the constant worry
no longer lingering among friends
no longer dragging down family
and of all the nights
and of all the ways
the night I seriously thought about it
for once
I was able to sleep


INDECENT LONGINGS OF LOVERS WHO NEVER WERE

May 14, 2014

in a place where no one knows their names
they shed the past
they shed what hides
and he looks at her
with the same eyes he did 13 years ago
in a moment all age is gone
in an embrace all sense is lost
and they get crazy
they start slowly but can’t contain what has held back
he holds her as he never as before
she believes for the first time
it is she whom he adores
and on the floor
lays the evidence of a sin
but they step over it
they lay next to it
and cannot fight it
and in that moment he asks
“is it okay?”
and as she parts her lips to say
“yeess”
her alarm rips her out of his arms…


WHY THE GIRL WITH THE HEADPHONES PREFERS TO SIT ALONE

May 15, 2014

I would hand over my headsets
let you listen a bit
but you’d still never understand the smile on my face
the way I am carried to another world, another place
you hear the same lyrics, you hear the same tune
but you don’t see what it does to me
how it helps me leave the room
makes me escape the doom

I listen to songs
and I see you images so vivid
I can taste the experience
I close my eyes and taste it

I need my
me time

my headphones on
nobody is home
leave me the hell alone

time…

its the only time ever

that
my
time
is ever really
mine…


THE BIGGER THE HEART, THE BIGGER THE HEARTBREAK, BUT ARE YOU REALLY LIVING IF THAT RISK YOU DO NOT TAKE…

May 15, 2014

is there place in this world for a big heart
can you see
is there place in this world for me

I look at the love given
you carry it in a spoon
I look at the love I have
threes hardly any room

I love with kindness
fearlessness
not much finesse
but pureness
even if I don’t tell you everything
everything I tell you is the truth

is there place in this world for a big heart
can you see
is there place in this world for me

is there a sense in deeply loving two
is there place in the heart left for you

is there place in this world for a big heart
can you see
is there place in this world for me


WHEN YOU DECIDE TO GROW UP BUT YOUR HEART WON’T LET YOU AND THE PAST REFUSES TO FORGET YOU

May 16, 2014

I call you but find that I have nothing to say
is it the sound of your voice
or
is it simply the truth
I fall into a self made abyss
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know how to love anymore
I don’t know what is love anymore
and you laugh in my ear
I always knew how to make you laugh
but for you for some reason it wasn’t enough
I want to be in your arms
and I don’t
you say
I love you
but how can anyone love a train wreck?
I live half in the future
and half in the past
there is nothing left of me right now
there is not enough of me to love anyone
not even really me
because if I truly did
I would run
I would hide
how can one get what you want
when you’re not sure what that is
you should drop the phone
block my number
get hypnotized to forget
erase me from yourself
erase me from your heart
i am a human tsunami
every time I get close to you
I ruin me
I ruin you
I ruin everything
run
baby
run


I PUT CRACK IN MY MUSIC AND YOU LOVE ME FOR IT

May 16, 2014

you don’t understand my music
but you sing along to it
because I know how to make you love it
because I know how to make you want it
you can’t resist it
we all have our gifts
I have mine
you can walk away a thousand times
but you can’t never forget me
you can let go a thousand times
but there is a place I will always belong
against your chest
in your arms
the space between your fingers
the centre of your bottom lip
my music plays right though your soul
and it clings to darkest corner of your heart
I am your grievous angel
I am your heart cancer
I don’t enjoy it or deny it
its how we are
who we are
how we love
since the first kiss
to first betrayal…
you can escape this tune
its doesn’t matter how far you move
it doesn’t matter how many girls you commit to
through my music
my sweet sexy music
until the day you die
I will always have a hold on you


ADD SUGAR TO COFFEE, LIFE IS BITTER ENOUGH, IF YOU DON’T HAVE LOVE, AT LEAST… LAUGH

May 16, 2014

a good laugh
with
a good person
ointment to the soul
you won’t understand
you won’t believe
how easier you make life
how much lighter I walk
after you make me smile

add sugar to coffee
life is bitter enough
if you don’t have love
at least…
laugh


NOT FEELING LIKE HERSELF

May 16, 2014

oh why oh why oh why
she had a moment again
looked in the mirror and hated it
she saw her heart and broke it
its such an up down
change
and still the same old
she is remake of an old song
done very very wrong


MEMOIRS OF YOUR DOORMAT

May 16, 2014

I promise you I am trying
but sometimes it just feels like…

I mean it
I forgive and forget
and all that other touchy feely nonsense
but still
how many times must I be the bigger person
I also have toys
I would also like to chuck them out my cot
I must be mature?
for what
when I’m attacked by childish actions
I must be perfect?
I can’t be..
and to always try to be…
its exhausting
and frankly
i am just not that Christian yet

how exactly, please do explain
is okay for me to be mistreated?
is okay for you too not feel the same?

it drives me crazy
off the freakin’ walls
to know that I would die for my love
but for the love of me
no sacrifice is ever made
no debt will ever be repaid
I could punch you in the face for being so naive
for being so self-centered
you sit around
letting time pass
hoping it will end
and will it end?
no of course it never will
they stand to lose nothing by hurting me
you can still love someone who walks all over me

I promise you and I am really really freaking trying
but it just feels like
maybe
just maybe
I should just cut my losses and leave..


LET THE MUSIC HEAL YOU… LET THE MUSIC KILL YOU… AND THE WEEKND SINGS “HOW DOES IT FEEL?”

May 16, 2014

just allow me to fade away into the music
I’m singing every song to the sky to the shower head
to the voices in every head
including my own
I am singing to The Script
I am singing to The Weeknd
I’m singing to Florence and The Machine
Rihanna pon d replay
then the latest Coldplay
another song Drake
really
everyday
and you?
where have you been?
you left me listening to rap
and came back to find me singing to Nina Simone’
and still you don’t get
but there is no judgment from me
I don’t get me either
and I accept that

leave me here just a little longer
let me listen until I’m stronger
solace is so rare
I want my peace back
I think its on the next track


FIRST LOVE .LAST CHANCE. DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN…

May 16, 2014

she pulls the covers over her head but cannot hide from the new day and the truth of yesterday
so she runs away
hops on a plane and runs away
to find a love that never loved her
to find the one who cannot let go
to find the one who couldn’t commit
to the one who never says the right thing
but she loves him anyway
foolish
childish
selfish
she knows these feelings
it means regardless her good intentions
it means regardless her resolve
she has gone and fallen in love again
she has let him in again
and she covers her eyes
not to cover tears but to hide away
this time its not a fling
this time it will cost her everything
and while some things she can do without
nothing and no one will ever matter more than her eager little heart


I NEVER PUT MYSELF ON A PEDESTAL, YOU DID…

May 19, 2014

those crazy pictures
those lies we tell ourselves
if I know I am so far from who you think I am
how far are you from who I think you are
deceit breeds deceit
and
starts an avalanche of doubt
at the slightest provocation
or
even without any
guys become naughty
girls become whores
at least that what is said
but the standards
oh these high high standards
set for girls alone…

watch me as I ignore them
watch as I let you down


WE ARE THE ARTISTS OF OUR OWN HEARTBREAKS, BUT WE JUST CAN’T STOP PAINTING

May 19, 2014

the love we feel
the singing birds and stars shining brighter
we choose it
we create it
no matter how deeply hurt
we know
we can’t deny
it feels so good to be in love
it feels so good to have someone’s name
permanently on the tip of your tongue
it feels nice to have someone’s smile
brighten up your day
we say “I can’t fight it”
no, you can
you don’t want to fight it
and I don’t blame you
even the saddest love had a beautiful moment
even the most un-matched pair couldn’t resist
I draw the wanting and I paint the need for you
I erase it and it is so…


SHE LISTENS TO BIRDY “TERRIBLE LOVE” AND DROWNS IN THE SONG AS SHE LONGS… FOR WHAT? SHE DOES NOT KNOW

May 19, 2014

I promise you I will be here for you
he said
she believed him
not because he was true
but in his heart she knew he believed he was
he may not love her with the attention and interest that she needed
but he loved her with his all
she may not love him with the abandon and sacrifice he longed for
but she loved him unconditionally
all this time and she didn’t see
he didn’t realize
it bares repeating
you see
he never loved her enough
not by her standards
but by his own standards he loved her to death and beyond

its a tragedy and a mystery
despite the distance
despite the years
she can still recall the taste of his tears
despite the change
despite the vows
he can still smell her perfume as in now

not bad for each other
but
not so good either

he has shattered her heart into the smallest pieces
and she says
I forgive you even before you do wrong

its in their song
one wish
one wish
one wish

just don’t ask them to make that wish
who knows what the consequence will be


A MESSAGE TO THE MURDERERS WHO USE WORDS AND DISAPPROVAL TO KILL…

May 19, 2014

how close to the edge is the girl you are pushing
did you even care to look?

your opinion is always important but not always necessary
you don’t have to leave your mark on everything

how strong is the girl you’re hurting
did you bother to ask?

keep judging
keep talking

criticize to your hearts content

and
hold
on
to
the
memory

because the day may come that your peace is shattered

when your words are written on a suicide note
when your judgment sends someone straight to their grave
when that girl has a heart attack and your fingerprints are all over her heart

if you can’t say anything good
be quiet
if you speak without undermining
then please shut up…


I FEEL LIKE THE GIRL AT THE BAR WHOSE BEEN THERE TOO LONG… HERE COMES THE SUN LITTLE DARLING

May 19, 2014

singing along to “refill”
listening to my own memories
I need a shot of your love
I need shot of your touch
addiction for affection
attention
I listen to this song aye
and my heart gets my full attention

“I should be gone but I just can’t get enough”

ready to cry
until I hear Nina Simone’ say
“its alright”

its been a long cold and lonely wait
it feels like years since you’ve been here…

and I smile
and it really is alright


IM FLOATING IN THE MOST PECULIAR WAY AND THE STARS LOOK VERY DIFFERENT TODAY

May 19, 2014

space oddity
I listen to David Bowie
I live my life through music
when I get a chance to live it

i am crowded in my loneliness
unloved wrapped in your arms
I am
driechness
to myself and to anyone who loves me
everything I touch turns into questions
I wander in a fog of uncertainty
uncertain of you
uncertain of me

ground control to major tom…

I am drifting further away
away from me
into myself
I am standing here
right here
but I am gone

may God’s love be with you

I have left
I am gone away
even I can’t find me

can you hear me major tom
can you hear me major tom

after one too many sleepless nights
one too many fights

here am I floating on a tin can
faaar above the world

even if I knew what I wanted
even if wanted to come back

ground control to major tom
your circuits dead
there’s something wrong

can you hear me major tom
can you hear me major tom


THE GIRL YOU SEE VS THE GIRL WHO IS REALLY THERE…

May 19, 2014

I sit here and listen as lil Wayne tells me how to love
if only anyone knew that I still don’t know
if only someone cared that I still don’t love

its not easy to be
its not easy to see
when every worse fear is always confirmed
its not easy to trust when the lies are so easy
its not easy to love when deceit is so common

just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get me
just because I’m insecure doesn’t mean they aren’t laughing at me..

could never figure out how to love
could never figure out how to be loved


ÍOCFAIDH AN FEAR SEO AS GACH RUD

May 19, 2014

the gentleman
the knight in shining amour
and he threw her off his horse and rode away
and broke something inside her that will never be fixed
its not love if it brings out the evil in you
its not love if it makes you want to be cruel
the moment the love kills your goodness
the moment the love makes your goodness driech

Gráím thú
Crónaím thú
Lig dom

she looks at her love and hates him
with a hate as fierce as her love
I hope she breaks your heart
I hope she breaks your heart
I hope she breaks your heart
she says

even as her heart broke
for him
for her
for love
even as she says
“I hate you”
her heart cries
“Gabh mo leithscéal’


MICHELENE LORD MY SUPERNOVA FRIEND

May 19, 2014

I touch a wall & wonder how it can still stand, I mourn my friend with a sorrow I can’t understand

stars shine for long after they die
&
so do you
supernova
the person,
the friend
you were
is a light that cant be put out
ever


PERFECT PEACE

May 19, 2014

thank You for Your peace Lord.
As the storm rages
&
the enemy plots
I embrace it.
It fills my heart
&
mind
in my circumstance,
in this trail
&
through the pain
Lord I thank You for Your peace.
Your perfect peace.


“IF ONLY IT WAS THAT SIMPLE”

May 19, 2014

but wait wait wait
it can be. it can.

why let the past darken the future?

why?

I have right now,
this moment
&
I will live for me
&
not be undermined,
underestimated
or
manipulated by anyone
EVER again


LET THEM LAUGH AS THEY KNOCK YOU DOWN

May 19, 2014

but make sure they know to run before you get up.
a come back victory is so so sweet

as you lay in the dust appreciate how sweet this memory will be when you finally succeed & you know, you will succeed… its just a matter of time & your time to belief. so believe. please believe. you are so close to your miracle. all that’s needed is for you to surrender & allow God to be close to you. you will get up again. you will rise. so let them laugh as they knock you down, let them laugh, when you get up your victory will last longer…


STILL I RISE

May 19, 2014

a failure?,
you don’t know how hard I try.

a failure?,
wont stop ’til I die.

these trials just give me more determination
&
I get up
&
if I get knocked down again,
I will get up again
because one day I will be strong enough to keep standing


LITTLE HANDS ON MY HEART

May 19, 2014

for the sake of a child,
what would a parent Not Do,
what would a parent Not Sacrifice?
its a love that keeps me alive..
& the judging can go on until the day I die
but the light of my commitment will shine long after.

Sincerity
honesty
love


PHRASE: A GHRA MO CHROI PRONOUNCED: AH GRAW MUH KREE MEANING: LOVE OF MY HEART

May 19, 2014

my heart beats your name even on the darkest night, when nothing is okay your smile makes it alright…

I loved you anymore the sun would explode
my love is that strong
my love is that crazy
for when you breath
I have air.
everywhere
I go
everywhere
I look
you are there.
&
I cant get over your arms around me
cant stop my knees going weak
you know my thoughts my desire
without me having to speak

my heart beats your name even on the darkest night, when nothing is okay your smile makes it alright…


HOW LONG WILL YOU BE SO SAD

May 19, 2014

reach beyond yourself look away from your reflection, look around & understand FINALLY understand that there is more…

there a place for the broken hearted
there is also an exit


THE GIRL IN THE FLOOD

May 20, 2014

she looks at the world different
she see’s things in a simpler form
in this she complicates it for everyone else
she loves like the rain
she pours down fierce
without relenting
without shame
but she carries an umbrella
she doesn’t understand
she doesn’t believe
in being loved as she loves
in being accepted as she is

there is a flood
the plains are flooded around her
but all she see’s is her own lacking


SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO DECIDE YOU DON’T CARE AND FOLLOW THROUGH…

May 20, 2014

feel the breeze. embrace the sun.

no storm.
I am calm.
I am immune.
I wont pay attention to: petty. insincere. immature…

I have had enough.
enough pain.
enough drama.
enough betrayal.

feel the breeze. embrace the sun.

enjoy my love & my life…


BROKEN BY CARING INDIVIDUALS

May 20, 2014

don’t ask what you don’t want to know,
don’t say you want to hear if your not prepared listen.
if my feelings don’t matter,
neither do I.
no need to talk,
no need to try
&
definitely no need to cry.
there is nothing to say if no one will listen


QUALM QUANDARY

May 20, 2014

such a pretty picture, stare & stare.
but don’t try to move it,
you will find that its not there.

but
you
love
him

&
you could never stop.
even if you could stop your own heart,
you wouldn’t stop
&
deep inside you know you don’t want to


JUST SAYING

May 20, 2014

shine a light on the broken glass,
understand why you hurt when your hurting
&
why its always you against them
put the light out, don’t look too closely
or you will see what has been so obvious
you lose some, you lose more, you lose

turn away from my heart, these feelings matter none, brush it off as though its crumbs, that is what its become…
u never left u never left u never left I was 2 blind 2 see all this time all this time all this time the joke was on me!
you cant loose what you never had,
or cry at the edge of tomorrow.
where hurting lasts
& dreams are stolen
&
your open…
the pain is as real as the truth:
he is not yours, doesn’t know you, doesn’t love you. losing us, again

don’t take every word I say as a message or an outburst,
don’t read between lines that don’t exist…

just saying

saying words that fill my heart, my mind & leaks from the deepest saddest & also happiest places.

don’t
touch
my
words


DIRECTIONS

May 20, 2014

believing, accepting, following… without a doubt. without a concern. I know & I believe that this is God leading me
an answer to my prayers, not like I imagined but in my heart I know He knows best. where He leads me: I WILL FOLLOW…
need the guidance, need the direction, need the plan of God but what we need more is to accept what God says or else there is no point in saying “God, please help me” when we ignore His help because its not in the package we expected…


DELICATE SITUATION

May 20, 2014

forgiveness is freedom & nothing is more real than love, look at a butterfly, my heart, don’t try to confine or train
you cant unthink, or even undo hurt but you find a way to forgive, live & even love because its what you were made for…

how quick you forget my thousand tears, my endless faith, my unfaltering love… throw it into tomorrow & find the world in a place you did not leave it & at last. At last you stand above me & can look down in triumph. At last you have your place in time where for once you are not in the wrong.
but wait, wait, Is that discontent I see?
How can it be? You defeated me, yes & yet.
Yet you have not won…

you are not free
your bitterness is your own prison


DUMB DUMB DUMB

May 20, 2014

I repeat:

there are a million different ways to break a heart,
a million different ways to fall apart
but none cuts deeper
nothing kills your spirit faster
than a heartbreak that’s of your own doing, than a mistake that’s yours and yours alone…

I wish I was a dumb girl
Dumb
Dumb
Dumb


WATCH ME FLY…

May 20, 2014

I’m stepping on my broken wings
you don’t hear me as I sing
I’m looking at the one I love
but do not feel a thing
you drink the hurt away
you say that you aren’t lying
but as I patch this up
I realize that I’m done trying.

Continue Reading Next Chapter

About Us

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered publisher, providing a platform to discover hidden talents and turn them into globally successful authors. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books our readers love most on our sister app, GALATEA and other formats.