Carmen Thinking… The sound inside a seashell part 1

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Chapter 5: SHE SMILES

May 8, 2014

Her heart is broken
She smiles
As the earth moves beneath her
She smiles
Her life is over
She smiles
In a place no one can reach her
She smiles

It is not strength or courage
There is nothing else to do
It is not hope or faith
There is nothing to hold on too

The love has died
She smiles
All night she lays awake
She smiles
The day has come
She smiles
Taken all she can take
She smiles

Its not a bad patch or phase
This can’t be smoothed over
There is no fixing this
When its over, its over, its over

She smiles…

Even as she cries
She smiles


WHEN A BAD LOVE HAPPENS TO A GOOD GIRL

May 8, 2014

Reaching out and coming back empty
A hearts only so big
And
A girls only so strong
Not needing strength
Needing release
If you think you can do better
Then leave
Giving love and coming back
crying
A day is only so bright
And
A night is only so long
Not needing excuses
Needing what’s true
Its time I be honest and admit
Its not you


ACCIDENTAL GLUE…

May 8, 2014

Every time you hold my hand
You hold my hand for the first time
Every time I kiss you I’m kissing your lips for the first time
Every time you speak
I hear my best friend’s voice
Every time I sing
You hear you personal angel

I remember you being my friend
You remember me being your confidant
I remember you being my protector
You remember me being your defender

And above all

Everyone remembers us ignoring the others broken wings and encouraging each other to fly…

an unexplained connection

a selfless friendship

I had confidence in you when you were at the end of your rope

you had love for me when I had no love for myself

you saw me,
I saw you,
and we saw each other like no one else ever has or ever will

you understood the real me,
I accepted the real you

even the shattered parts

we didn’t try to make each other whole again
neither of us believed it was even possible
so,
instead we loved
you loved me
I loved you

I loved the strength you showed to the world

You loved the humor I gave to my
circumstance

and

we both loved every broken piece of the other,
the pieces we both tried to hide…
deny…
ignore…
we loved the dark, sad, ugly, weak and miserable parts of each other
the parts we had to
hide…
deny…
ignore
we loved it
until we weren’t broken anymore…

we fixed each other without tools
we didn’t plan or follow the rules

Oh our love

a light in the darkest place

a lone flame in the cold

your love came riding in on a white horse

my love I presented to you as a suit of amour

just like that
just like that
True Love
New Hearts
after so much humiliation
after so many shattered dreams
after hurting so deeply that nothing made sense, hurting with every fiber in our beings,
the hurt that stained us, that made us feel like we’re falling even when laying down, a hurt that ground our every hope deep into the ground,

our hurt was a hole, an endless hole of emptiness
a hurt that refused to cry because it was scared it will never stop

that hurt that we gave to each other
and in that we caused our hearts to find this incredible love and so this very ACCIDENTAL GLUE
the healing renewing love that saved both me and you


LETTERS FROM A GRIEVING HEART: LITTLE MOMENTS IN MY HEART

May 8, 2014

I hold little moments in my heart
Sometimes they are all that keep me from falling apart

I think of all the things you told me
All the times you cried
All the secrets you shared
Missing you is more than needing you,
Its needing to be the person you made me,
You told me I’m your “carmen sense”
You listened to advice, you were not an “askhole” lol

I hold little moments in my heart
Sometimes they are all that keep me from falling apart

I think of all the things I told me
All the times I cried
All the secrets I shared
Missing you is more than needing you,
Its needing to be the person I could be with you,
I told you’re my “raylene of sunshine”
I really listened to your advice, I’m not an “askhole” lol

I hold little moments in my heart
&
Sometimes they make me want to fall apart…

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