Carmen Thinking… The sound inside a seashell part 1

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Chapter 7: BAD DREAMS

May 8, 2014

a dream that smothered me
bothered me like nothing has bothered me
and pulled back my skin
I can see the blood therein
change that won’t happen
praying and crying
watching without power
watching it go up in smoke

And the voice spoke

Couldn’t see the face but knew it was smiling
as it spoke…
reducing my love to obsession and my loyalty to joke

a dream that smothered me
that took the last bit I had, right out of me

can you feel the pain therein?


May 8, 2014

be careful of the broken pieces

shattered everywhere
ready to teach us
no need
no need
no need

please believe me
had much to much of this teaching

I’m done feeling
I’m done trying
I’m done hoping
I’m done believing

our love is ghost
dead but not at peace
down but not kneeling
open but not bleeding

Give Me Something To Believe In


not your words please


anything but a promise

I would rather you curse me then lie to me again


we cannot win

when “we” means

everything to me
just everything to me

but not too you

it means nothing to you

its true

in all the lies and pain
that much is true

be careful
careful as you leave the room

be careful of the broken pieces


May 8, 2014

In the shadows of the much loved you, I waited anxiously for my cue
But how I was I too know
It would never come
How was too understand
When I’m clearly so dumb

Sold down the river
Thrown under the bus
By the man who made me
And the man who its just “us”

and this shadow I cannot see, cannot move,
I cannot speak
you attacked where it hurt most, your heart strong while mines so weak

and as I reel from the lies and betrayal
I am attacked by a fool
Scorning our love and using our child as a tool

Oh how I long for the light
save me from this shadow

I try to be cold, resigned and just want to forget, but I remember a place of love, respect and passion without regret

in the shadows of the misunderstood you, I try to find a clue
But how I was I too know
It would never be
And when all is said and done
You won’t be standing next to me


May 8, 2014

I was so nervous walking down the aisle, I could feel my legs shaking.
my face wanted to smile and cry and hide and pose all at the same time, if I hadn’t been holding onto my daddy’s arms my legs surely would have given in…

One of my friends (Astrid? Marayana?…?)whispered “look up woman”, (I haven’t even realized I was looking down)

and I looked up…

And I saw you looking at me…

And suddenly there was no time,
no weather,
no people,
no nothing
Just you.
Just me.
Just us.


And today I look at this photo and I realize that regardless what happens, regardless what changes, regardless what life may bring…

It will always be Just Us

I named our love Willow, because it may bend but it never breaks…

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