I Didn't Know

I didn't know

How much I would miss

The sight of His car

Parked everyday

In the same spot

In a lot.

I didn't know

That every game

Of Minesweeper

Would remind me

Of the one who

Taught me to play.

I didn't know

That reading

My favorite book

Which was a gift from Him

Would one day hurt so much.

I didn't know

That he would never

Get to watch me follow

His advice for what I

Should do with my life.

I didn't know

How much my graduation

Photos would make me choke

Up because he drove nine hours,

Round trip, just to be there.

I didn't know

That staring at my writing

Tracking statistics

Would remind me so much

Of how interested he was in it.

I didn't know

That I'll never again

Be able to enjoy a circus

Because he took me to one,

Just once.

I didn't know

That my playing the piano

Would bring up past memories

Of him attending all my recitals.

I didn't know

That eating at Olive Garden

Would become a chore,

Because we once shared

A meal there.

I didn't know

That singing along

With the radio,

A habit we had shared,

Would make me cry

Every time I did it.

I didn't know

It would hurt this much

To lose a brother

I barely knew.