Love, Lust, or Something Else

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Chapter 3: When I think about our lives

When I think back about our

lives that we have had together,
I finally know now just how much
better off that I am without you
in my heart, soul, and in my mind,
My heart which seems as though
it is always broken almost as if
you sit there at night just thinking
about new ways to break it, not
just once or twice but all the
time. My poor soul feels like that it
has always been lied to, starting
from that night of our very first kiss,
because from then on it has been
living in a unrequited bliss that you
gave it, believing all of this time
that it was only meant for him,
to dance outside in the dark while
in the pouring down rain, never really
knowing, that it was only the same
kiss that you have always gave to
hundreds of other men anyway.
My dark and damaged mind is now
nothing more than an empty shell
a complete and total mess, nothing
more nothing, forevermore it shall
always be, for you have played me
like a fine-tuned violin oh so very well
that it never knows anymore what
the truth is going to be or will it be
just another one of your everyday
lies that you love to tell others and me.
Every single day that you and I
have been together, in everything
that we do, to everywhere we go,
no matter who is there the boys, myself
or people I do not know has got to be
always only about you, from what we
are doing at any given time, to when,
where, how and I swear that if we do
ever have sex, to how long, what style,
and how we are going to do it, usually
arguing so long about until I am bored
and just plain frustrated That is when
I say screw it I don’t want and
besides your sister and my hand do it
better anyways.
You say things like you are a good
person even a good mom, yet you
are either to tired and sleeping or
usually either physically or even
mentally gone, to slow sometimes to
even remember or going too fast to
understand anything at all. The saddest
thing to me about everything is that
you will never feel a tear fall from
the pain of a soul caught out in the
rain or the break of a broken heart, well
unless of course you lose a dealer, for
then a perfect storm forms and a flood
of tears break out, then here comes a
temper tantrum of feelings and emotions
that I never get see about to start.
As I said thank to you from when this
begins thank you for showing me what
love is supposed to which I know now
after so many wasted years that it
is not you me, that relationships are
two way communications filled with
smiles and good times as two people
walk hand in hand together forever as
a husband and wife, Thank GOD that
it is finally over for I am so much a better
person without you in my life.

Love is very simple, it is hate that is so complicated.

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