“Black and Blue”
You’ve always said I was your baby, your world, your golden star.
You promised to love me and support me because that was your job.
You promised that you would always be there to save me, but you were the one I needed saving from.
How do you expect me to feel beautiful if you called me ugly?
Was I supposed to be happy when you infected me with loneliness?
How do I love you when you don’t love me?
How do I put family above all when you broke ours?
For a while, I ignored it, the black and blue you painted on her skin.
When you got mad you’d throw her down.
She’d make excuses like “I ran into a table, I’m fine though.” but her smile wavered,
Threatening to expose the truth you tried to paint over.
For so long, you made me resent her. I hated my mother,
Until the black and blue spread on her body
Like the wildfire that spread to your heart.
Suddenly, the smoke suffocated us and settled in our lungs.
I was expected to trust people when the one person I needed
to trust the most constantly betrayed and broke me before I even had the chance to try?
How am I supposed to believe in love when every time you looked at my mother your eyes were filled with hate?
We are not special. Nothing we do can change the way that this world works and nothing we say can sway the opinions of every broken body in such a warped world. I wanted someone strong, someone, who could fill this useless hole in my heart but there is nothing you could do that could make me whole again.