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thirteen was supposed to to be the year I stopped acting so soft and brittle

shouting to my parents “i’m not a kid anymore! i’m not little!”

i didn’t act so big and tough when I broke my foot, ending up in the hospital

by fourteen i wanted to be a beauty queen

but instead i was wearing baggy t-shirts and ripped jeans

listening to the mean girls deem me as unclean and not pristine

all based on the fabric that clung to my bruised knees

they didn’t act like humans

they acted like machines programmed to crush people’s hopes and dreams

but it was okay because they looked pretty and serene

if you look beautiful, you can get away with everything

or so it seemed

when i turned fifteen i wanted to feel complete

instead i felt empty while i drank liqour and smoked a little weed

i sat in the darkness in the backseat with smoke everywhere, waiting to feel my my heart skip a beat

or to feel anything

it was bittersweet

sixteen was supposed to be a clean sheet

it didn’t take long for it to get dirty

i spent that entire year sick and worried

the waters got a little murky

but i kept smiling

i kept acting perky

by seventeen i wanted to go after my dreams

but the only time i ever got to be who i wanted was on halloween

and it was all make believe

at the end of that year the only thing i wanted was to leave

when i turned eighteen i thought i’d have everything figured out

but here i am already nineteen and i’m still learning even now

life isn’t about knowing where you’re going

it’s about appreciating the roads it takes to get you there

the journey is more important than the destination anyway

so i don’t know where i’m going but i’ll get there someday

you will too

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