Oh, The Places You Went!

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Summary

Parody of Oh, The Places You'll Go! By Dr. Seuss. Turns out, 98 and 3/4% success leaves plenty of room for failure.

Genre:
Poetry
Author:
LittleThoughts
Status:
Complete
Chapters:
2
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
13+

Part I

“Congratulations!”
That was your day.
You were off to Great Places!
You were off and away!

You had brains in your head.
You had feet in your shoes.
You could’ve steered yourself
any direction you chose.

You were on your own.
Knowing what you now know,
would you still want to decide where to go?

You looked up and down streets,
looked 'em over with care.
About some you said,
"I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains
and your shoes full of feet,
you were “too smart
to go down any not-so-good street.”

And you did not find any
you wanted to go down.
With that, of course,
you headed straight out of town.

It was opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things could happen
and frequently did
to people who had the feet
and brains you hid.

And then things started to happen,
you didn’t worry, didn’t stew,
just went right along.
You started happening too.

Oh, the places you went!

You were on your way up!
You were seeing great sights!
You joined the high fliers
who soared to high heights.

You didn’t lag behind,
because you had the speed.
You passed the whole gang and
you soon took the lead.

Wherever you flew,
you were best of the best.
Wherever you went,
you topped all the rest.

Except when you didn’t.
Because, sometimes, you wouldn’t.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
happened to you.

You got all hung up
in a prickly perch.
And your gang flew on.
You were left in a Lurch.

You came down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the thing is that, then,
you were in a Slump.

And when you were in a Slump,
you were not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
was not easily done.

You came to a place
where the streets were not marked.
Some windows were lighted,
but most were darked.

A place you sprained
both your elbow and chin!

Did you dare to stay out?
Did you dare to go in?
How much could you lose?
How much could you win?

And if you go in,
should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters?
or, maybe, not quite?
or go around back and sneak in from behind?


Simple it wasn’t,
as you did find,
for a mind-maker-upper
to make up their mind.

You got so confused
that you started to race
down long wiggled roads
at a break-necking pace
and ground on for miles
cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I know,
toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come,
or a plane to go
or the mail to come,


or the rain to go
or the phone to ring,
or the snow to snow
or they were waiting around
for a Yes or No?
Or waiting for their hair to grow?

Everyone was just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break

or a string of pearls,
or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls,
or Another Chance.

Everyone was just waiting.

NO! That wasn’t for you!

Somehow you escaped
all that waiting and staying
You found the bright places
where Boom Bands were playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you rode high!

Ready for anything
under the sky.
Ready because you were
that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you went!

There was fun to be done!
There were points to be scored!
There were games to be won!

And the magical things
you could do with that ball
made you the winning-est winner of all.

Fame!
You were as famous as famous could be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they didn’t.
Because, sometimes they wouldn’t.

I know that sometimes
you played lonely games too.
Games you couldn’t win
'cause you played against you.

All Alone!
Whether you liked it or not,
Alone was something
you were quite a lot.

And when you were alone,
I can tell at a glance,
you met things that scared you
right out of your pants.

There were some,
down the road between
hither and yon,
that scared you so much
you didn’t want to go on.

But on you went
though the weather fouled.
On you went
though your enemies prowled.
On you went
though the Hakken-Kraks howled.

Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms got sore
and your sneakers began to leak.

On and on you hiked,
And I know you hiked far
and faced all of your problems
whatever they were.

You got mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You got mixed up
with many strange birds as you’d go.

You forgot when you step,
to step with care and great tact
and remember that
Life's a Great Balancing Act.

You’d always forgot
to be dexterous and deft.
And always mixed up
your right foot with your left.

And did you succeed?
Yes! You did, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU MOVED MOUNTAINS!

So...
when your name was Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
You were off the Great Places!
That was your day!
Your mountain was waiting.
So.. you got on your way.

Continue Reading Next Chapter
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