Warfare of the Brain

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An Addiction Called You

(based off of Honne’s Crying Over You ft Beka & RM)

“I don’t mean to be a problem
I don’t mean to cause you pain.”

“We thought we gave each other a whole world
But it turns out we that didn’t know such a thing
Guess life’s like this, shit happens
And we look for the magic
But good things always come to an end.”

~~~

I thought you would be the cure,
But every time I take a dose,
I end up feeling more pain:
You’re the drug that makes me feel good,
But brings me the most sadness.
Are you cocaine perhaps? Or heroin?

No matter how many times
You said you’ll help me
I don’t believe it.
And my thoughts continue to
Tell me the same things:
“Why do you love me so much?”
“Am I really that worth it to you?”
And they respond with
The same things:
“I don’t deserve you.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”

I love you so much,
But I’m so scared.

I used to think of you with a smile on my face.
I used to look forward to seeing you.
I used to love the late night chats every night.
I used to love the fact that you loved me.

I can’t think of you now
Without feeling fear,
Without feeling despair,
That I’ll accidentally stab you,
That I’ll accidentally murder your heart.

The times that I do think of you,
My throat clenches shut,
My heart palpitates painfully,
My tears well up in pools
And overflow.
Isn’t this agony?
Isn’t this what it feels like?

Part of me says to let you go,
Part of me says to stay.
No matter how many times
I make my way back to you,
I am unsure that this is the correct path,
I am unsure that you will keep your promises.

I’m sorry,
More than you can know.

Burying this in the ground won’t help.
How about we bury me instead?
Take care of the lovely coffin I prepared;
That’s the only thing I want you to see.
’Cause the body inside is not what you think it is.
You say you will love me forever
Even though I’m like this.
But no one can love the hollow skeleton that’s me.

But with the good that remains,
As I’m writing this,
I hope you always know:
You deserve someone better than me.
You don’t have to wait until I heal.
That would be too long.
I want you.
I need you.
You know that,
’Cause you feel the same way, too.
However,
I want the best for you.
I want you to be happy.
Even if you have to let me go.
Even if I have to let you go
For that.
Just know that I love you.
I love you so much.
I love you enough
To let you go.
But,
I still want you,
’Cause I love you.

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