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Flush: Something Old, Something New, Something Black and Blue

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The Dungeon Master

Out with the Old

Under pressure now

Feeling lonely

Feeling lost

Feeling hardly here.

You think it’s so much easier for me to leave

Than watching me walk away,

But it’s just as hard to watch you cry

And let you let me go.

If you love me,

You should be happy for me.

I’m finally living my life

In the real world

With real world consequences…

Yadda yadda yadda blah blah.

I get it

I fuck up,

But I’ll figure it out.

Meeting the Dungeon Master

I couldn’t help but wonder about that man playing pool at that club. What was his name? Did the lover know him? Why was the tension between the two so aggressive? Why was he so aggressive seeing me talk to him? Why was he so urgent to leave? I couldn’t help but imagine who this man might be, and who he might be to the lover. I asked the lover, but he only told me to not talk to the man. Of course, I obliged as per usual, but I needed answers. Usually when I get curious about these things, I’d ask, he’d simply brush it off, and I’d leave it alone as he demanded, but the lover was no longer the one that I was dreaming of. Absentmindedly, I now found myself sketching a detailed image of what seemed to be the lover’s lean arm being defeated, arm wrestling the arm of the man who had been playing pool. The man’s arm is less frail and pale than the lover’s, while they both had large blue pulsing veins. I had never been that good at drawing people, but I must’ve really been paying attention. For the first time in a long time, I looked down at my work in tears. These were tears of pride and joy. Suddenly I see my phone flashing with a call coming in. It is the lover. I decline his call and go to bed. I don’t want him to ruin my mood.


“Good morning,” I hear a female voice say when I wake up and look at the clock. “It’s noon?” I say to myself in a hurry. “Yep,” says the female voice again. “And you have class in an hour. One of your roommates took the car. Do you need a ride?” “Who’s talking?” I ask confused. The same raven-haired woman from last night enters into my room crunching an apple. I recognize the sweatshirt she’s wearing as mine. My hands failed to find her belongings. My eyes traced her long legs which she covered in black leather toward her mismatched socks. Her leather boots are in the sink. She starts to dangle her keys in front of my face. “Am I taking you to class or not?”. I was still unsure as to what happened last night, but I gave it a shot. I nod and say, “You can come with me. You can borrow my sister’s shoes for now.” “Your sister?” “Yeah. You look about the same size. She’s a size seven.” “First of all, if we’re taking my bike, I’m driving. Your drunken puke isn’t the worst these shoes have come across. It wasn’t hard to wash out, but your sink might be clogged.” I rolled my eyes, because now I think I know what happened last night, and it’s nothing new. I toss the woman a pair of my sister’s sneakers and she eyes me with question. “We’ll take my neighbor’s pickup. She never uses it anyway. My sister leaves her stuff here all the time. She won’t mind either.” I watch her and realize something. “Uh hey,” her head pops up to tell me she’s listening as she ties her laces, “I never got your name.” Both of us fall silent for a minute, as we suddenly locked eyes. “Uh well, you can call me the Dungeon Master. You know. Like you did last night? Anyway, what should I call you?”


You bore me

To the point

Where my best pass time

Is drawing lines on paper.

Talk to me.

Tell me your name.

I already know it,

But it will keep me entertained.

I smile when you enter,

And when you leave-

It is my job

And it bores me.

Mesh with You

I always feel alone

In this crowded city

And empty apartment,

Until I see you,

Waiting to cuddle

And mesh with me in bed.

It’s a simple life,

With you in it.

With you in it,

I don’t always feel alone

In this crowded city

And empty apartment.

With you-

Maybe that’s all I need.

Maybe that is my purpose,

My happiness.

To be here,

In a mesh

With you.


I was lost in some kind of fantasy. The trees danced around me and my flowing blue dress. I entwined myself in the branches, dancing along to their imaginary tune. I was alone, but I wasn’t lonely. Traveling through this mystical forest, I’ve found more peace and love than what most people would consider normal. My name is Alice. I was far from normal and far from home, but was I truly lost?

The sky was a heavenly white frosted with wispy clouds of fiery red. I brushed my hand against the sky in awe. Where is this place? How did I get here? Do I have cell service here? I stopped in my tracks and listened closely to the sounds of the forest. Maybe there were creatures or other forms of life here, but there was only dead silence. No society? Does this mean no judgement? No. The trees were living and active and always watching. They showed me the ways of that world and how to embrace it.

The trees would blacken, and the sky would burn with every mistake and misunderstanding. Every branch gripped me tight and carried me to the beautiful parallel violet ponds I loved to swim in. The quiet ponds became violent as I took desperate strokes to survive nature’s wrath. Every mistake, big or small, I was practically drowned in the most beautiful body of water I’ve ever seen. It wouldn’t have been the best way to go, but would it have been the worst?

The last thing I remember is closing my eyes to nap near the pond. Now I find myself sprawled out on the side of a city street, unrecognizable to me. Where is this place? How did I get here? Do I have cell service here? My name is Alice. I am far from normal and I am far from home, but am I truly lost?

Not a God

You are God,

But you are not treating me like I am your child-

At least not how a child should be treated.


He promises love,

And when I settle for a good time,

He still doesn’t deliver.

I do believe in a God,

But you are not mine.

I am sorry to disappoint,

But someone as disappointing as you

Cannot be a true God.

You are not God.

Get out of my way so I can go meet Him.


The Roommate Agreement

I lie here awake



Hoping for something that will never come.

I lie awake in bed,

But when I turn over, I don’t see you there.

Or anyone.

I had accepted it all to quickly;

The fact that you had left me

For a bitch

And never planned to even tell me.

The fact that I will be alone,

And still need your support-

-I quickly accept the fact

That I will be alone,

And the people I meet will eventually leave me.

Then I will cry, and mourn, and weep,

Until I find more people

Who will eventually leave me.

What is the point in this terrible cycle?

To find at least one person that will never leave you?

An extremely romanticized version of reality.


I miss the noise:

The sound of your voice.

When you whispered in my ear,

I fell in love with you suddenly

Lying here

In your arms.

Then I let you leave,

After you played with me like a ragdoll.

Despite your deception,

I wanted to stay friends,

And still sob at the thought of your refusal.

You used to be so happy to see me.

Now when I pass by,

You droop your head and walk away.

Did I hurt you that much?

So much that you refuse to let me apologize?

I don’t fully understand,

So, I guess my sorries are meaningless anyway.

But you are not the only player in this losing game.

I think it is about time

I found a better barbarian.

Friendly Reminder

Friendly Reminder:

I am still here,

And you are not alone.

I still care for you,

Despite how you caused my tears.

Friendly Reminder:

I’m still here for you.

I never expected you

To be there for me too.

Friendly Reminder:

I am waiting for you

To come to me with your problems and fears.

Friendly Reminder:

I am still here-

The same person that you left in the cold

All those years ago.

Friendly Reminder:

I am wasting away now,

As I wait for you.

Crying myself to sleep

At the thought of what I did wrong all those years ago,

And faking a smile

To push the pain away.

Friendly Reminder:

I won’t be here much longer,

And neither will you.

Thoughts of Suicide

I stand up here,

Watching your eyes wander,

Seeing your mind, ponder about something more interesting.

I stand up here,


Just waiting for someone to join me.

And I wait, and I wait,

So long,

That I myself begin to ponder of something more interesting.

I wonder if it even matters,

If I’m alone or if I’m dead.

I’ve been waiting for years,

Standing up here,

And clearly,

No one even cares.

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