Lifeline

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Torn

I have written poems about wanting you,
I have written poems about having you,
And now it’s time to write one
About losing you.
I knew this day would come.
I had hoped it wouldn’t.

This wasn’t our choice, but it was
Our fault.
People are defined by their decisions,
And ours have destroyed us.
You were my first love, and now
You will be my first heartbreak.

I’ve always known Pain.
I thought I had learned to live with it.
But I had not prepared for this.
How could I?
This isn’t something you prepare for.

What if it was possible to have a Soulmate,
But their Soulmate isn’t you?
I don’t think you were my Soulmate,
If they even exist.
All I know is that when we were together
We fit like a puzzle.

What ifs aren’t the truth.
I prayed for you before I called you mine,
And I could keep praying for all of Eternity,
But it won’t change a damn thing.
I can’t waste time wishing for you
When you won’t come.

Your heartbeats were my heartbeats.
Now my heart beats alone.
But what is a heartbeat, but a contraction of muscles?
It can’t beat forever, a heart isn’t meant to last.
We weren’t meant to last.
It’s the Realist in me I suppose.

It is my fatal flaw to care too much.
I’m sure someday it will end me.
Not yet, but someday.
I will always be stuck in the shadows,
Waiting to be freed.
I just need to be freed.

Everything was so much clearer
When I was around you.
The world takes and takes, but what does it give?
Some would say nothing.
It gave me you, but not for long.
It gives nothing.

I was right, you know.
Now you’re free, now I won’t hold you back.
You will be happy again,
But I won’t be there to see it.
I will find the light for you.
And I will stay in the shadows.

It was a battle to get you to see me.
But eventually you did.
It was a battle to get you to love me.
But you did. You do.
The universe didn’t like it though, I guess.
We have been torn.

You made me feel alive.
God, I was addicted to how you made me feel.
With you, I could fly.
I could smile, and for once it wouldn’t be a mask.
I didn’t have to hide from you.

I still remember that December,
But it seems so insignificant when I think about
All those other months spent with you.
It all passed so quickly, too quickly.
There wasn’t enough time to do
All the things I wanted to do with you.

It’s all true, what they say, My Demons.
All those dumb sappy movies about heartbreak
And I didn’t hear a damn thing they said.
Love is overrated.
Is that over-dramatic? Maybe.
But why get into something that will end?
I hate endings.

All those times we fought over dumb shit.
I’d give anything to be able to fight with you now,
Because it would mean I’m still with you.
I thought I was stronger, that I couldn’t be broken by you.
I was wrong.
I have never been more wrong.

I’m not supposed to feel this way.
There will be no rainbow after the rain.
Clear skies are far away.
They will come, but I have to wait.
I hate waiting.
I want to be okay again.

I will pretend to be happy.
I mean, we all hide behind masks.
It’s what’s expected.
Maybe if I pretend long enough,
It will be true.
I really miss you baby.

Our world has been torn.
Perhaps everyone’s to blame.
Perhaps no one is.
I know I am.
I hope you don’t blame me.
I don’t blame you.

Why do the cruel ones get to rule?
Who decides that they can decide?
Who gives them the right?
I know I’ll find someone else someday.
I know it’ll all be okay someday.
But I don’t want anyone else, I want you.

Sometimes I think about you and me,
And what we could’ve been.
We could’ve been great, happy.
Maybe someday we will.
Maybe we’ll find each other again.
Broken wings take time to heal.

Or maybe we won’t find each other.
Maybe this was our exit.
Maybe it’s time for me to take charge.
I need to forget about you.
I need to get this ache out of my chest.

Loving you felt right, like I was made for it.
I don’t know what the future will bring.
The past brought me you, maybe the future
Can bring you back again.
I will fight for that future for you, even if you don’t.
I will fight this war for you.

A year and a half is a long time.
Enough to forget.
Will you forget about me?
Again with the time.
Again with the not knowing.
Again with the waiting.

God, I didn’t want to lose you.
It was my biggest fear,
And it hurts so bad.
I will always remember what we could’ve been.
I will always miss you.
And I will always love you.
But we have been torn.

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