Lifeline

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Do You Ever Resent Me?

Do you ever resent me?

Do you ever feel threatened by me?
Do you think I have feelings for him?

If it came down to it,
If you ever made him choose
Me over you,
He would choose you.

I know he loves me,
But I also know he loves you more.

He’s your whole world and what am I?
You claim I’m your best friend,
But what am I really?
Dust in the wind.
A memory.
A temporary fix when you feel lonely.

That’s how he feels about me too.
He needs me when he can’t have you.
You need me when you can’t have him.

That’s okay. I understand.
But do you ever resent me?
I’m sorry.
Perhaps if I stepped away?
Let you guys have center stage.
Let you be in the spotlight.

And I’ll be here, in the shadows.
When the time comes,
When you finally collapse from your exhausting routine,
I will be by your side.
I will be by his side.
And I will pick the two of you up.
In my gentle embrace.
So that you may begin again.
In your twirls and spins,
Your pirouettes.

You gaze at each other, but with what?
It’s not love, though you claim that it is.
Lust? No...not that either.
He’s not your soulmate.
I’m sorry.

Do you ever resent me?
If you do, I’m sorry.
If you do, that’s okay.
I’ll be here no matter what.
Loyal to a fault.
It is my fatal flaw
To care too much,
To give more than I take.
If you resent me, that’s okay.
Just know that he will always choose you
Over me.

And I will be here,
Stuck in the shadows.
Doomed to love those who will never love me.

The tears fall before I can stop them.
I don’t have the strength to.
Do you know that I hide from you?
That I hide from him?
I can’t help being afraid.
Being afraid of who I am when I’m alone.
Who are you when you’re alone?
Who is he?
Do you know?

You never see me, not truly.
Behind my face is a world of pain
That you are blind to.
Both of you.
You have eyes,
But the sight has long since been burned from them.

I bask in your light.
His heartbeats are my heartbeats.
Your breaths are my breaths.
And I am warm.
And cold.
So, so cold.
I shiver and long for his touch to warm me.
I know it never will.
He’s always touching you.
And I am alone.

Take my hand and walk me through the fire.
Can you feel that?
I am yours, I am his.
My defenses are down.
I’ve lost all resistance.

Why won’t he talk to me?
Why won’t you?
Is it your utter selfishness?
Why can’t he hear me?
I’m screaming at the top of my voice.
I’m screaming.
I’m SCREAMING.
And all is silent.

The candle dwindles,
And flickers out.

But...do you ever resent me?
Does he?
I never will.
It seems too simple to say that I love you.
That I love him.
But how else can I express how I feel,
Without inevitably being resented?

His heartbeats are my heartbeats.
Your breaths are my breaths.
And I love you.

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