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Leaves Me Shaking

I live my life like everything’s normal.
Like my heart doesn’t break with every step.
I breathe like my lungs are clear,
When really they’re filled with aching rot.
I laugh like I’m fine.
But all of this, it leaves me shaking.

I sing as if every note is meant for me.
But in reality, every last one is for you.
And my soul screams for you to hear.
I pretend as if seeing your face
Only gives me slight pause,
But those pictures of you leave me shaking.

I smile like the monumental lack of you
Is something I’m already used to.
But shit that’s just not the truth.
Sometimes when no one can see, I talk to you.
I reach for a hand that isn’t there.
And it leaves me shaking.

I dance as if I don’t wish you could see.
But every move I make is made to make you smile.
I tell my jokes like I don’t wait to hear your laugh.
But I think that silent pause after I speak
Is a dead give-away.
That silence leaves me shaking.

I wake up like my day will be okay without you.
And every day the universe proves me wrong.
My heart beats like it never knew your love.
But it did, and I did, on a cosmic scale.
Loving you and being loved by you was all-consuming.
And baby, you left me shaking.

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